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9 Reasons to kick your child out (simple+effective)

In this blog guide, we will look at a few reasons to kick your child out. In addition, we will also look at how to ask your child to move out, how to get your child on their own, and finally can you kick out a teen. 

What are the reasons to kick your child out?

If you have your adult child living with you. Here are a few reasons why you need to  kick your child out

  • To cut down the costs of the house, be it electricity bill, water bill or grocery bill. This does not mean that you are being selfish, but where do you get the money for it, if your child is unemployed and adding on to your burden? 
  • Seriously, though, you will be doing your child a favor by encouraging them to become financially responsible.
  • Letting them stay too long can lead to resentment.
  • Your child may become too dependent and never learn how to take care of him or herself.
  • Enabling them means no incentive to get a better job or better themselves with education.
  • It can teach them how to set and keep their financial goals.
  • It can encourage them to save money for a goal and also an emergency fund.
  • It will allow them to become the fully mature adult they are meant to be.

Children are the apple of our eye, but when they grow up every parent expects them to make their own living and have a separate life.

Living with your parents is looked down upon in western society. Every parent here expects that after the age of 18 their children will leave the house and make their own life. Well, there is nothing wrong with wanting your child to be successful and standing on their own two feet. However, for whatsoever reasons, your adult child may come to live with you or may never leave the house in the first place. This may certainly become a burden on you at a later stage of life. 

How to ask your child to move out? 

Every parent is happy to take care of their child until they are small kids and their relationship stays as parent-child. But once the relationship becomes adult-adult, it becomes difficult for the parents to let their grown child live off their hard-earned money. 

But of course, there is a way of asking anyone to leave your house. You just cannot pack their bags up and threw them out of the house. I mean, after all, they are your children. So in this section, we will look at how to ask your child to move out. 

For starters, check your motive 

Before taking a drastic decision, make sure you know your motives. If you’re feeling desperate to kick your grown child out of the house, pause and ask yourself why. On the other hand, if you’re reluctant to take any kind of action, pinpoint the roots of your hesitancy.

Before drawing a line in the sand, you need to be confident that your actions aren’t based on anger or fear. If they are, you’ll almost always make a poor choice. In other words, instead of solving the problem, you’ll lash out at what makes you mad and avoid what you’re afraid of.

Talk to your spouse

Once you have realized that your grown child is living with you for more than a usual time, raise the concern to your spouse. Tell them that you are worried and want what is best for them. It is important that the two of you take this decision together. If not there are chances you may come off as the bad guy. Therefore, before talking to your child about this, talk to your spouse, so that you can take a mutual decision. 

Now, talk to your child 

After you have spoken to your spouse and made a decision, get your child and talk to him as politely as possible. Give them terms and conditions to follow. Tell them that you are worried about them and are only asking to look for what is best for them. Instead of being harsh on them, which would also spoil your relationship with your child, tell them gently all the emotions and problems you as a parent are facing. 

Follow through with them. 

Once you’ve spoken with your child, remember that follow-through is key. This isn’t about scaring them with empty threats. That kind of manipulation won’t work in the long run. Instead, it’s about staying consistent and true to your word. Keep checking on them often to see what is going on in their life. As a parent, you can certainly help them in one way or the other. If not finding a job, you can help them by at least giving some sort of encouragement to find one by themselves. As a parent, you can help them to follow the right path, 

If your son refuses to follow the rules for living in your home, ask him politely but firmly to pack his things and leave. If you need backup, invite a few friends from the neighborhood or your church to be there the day you’ve told your son that he has to be out. Let this be your last resort though because you do not want to make your child feel ashamed. 

However, when I think about an adult child living off of their parent’s money, I can think of one character distinctively. The character of Alan played by Zach Galifianakis in the comedy movie series Hangover. In all the three series, he is seen to have been living with his parents at the age of 40, causing them their own troubles. As the matter of fact, the third part of the movie is based on the mere fact that his close friends are worried about him staying off at his parents when they decide to take him to a retreat in Amazon, well of course following the uninvited events. 

How to help your child get out on their own? 

Set a time frame.

If your adult child has come back to you firstly, try to set an agreed-upon time frame. Of course, allow them to stay with you but create a time frame. Leaving it open-ended may lead to resentments down the road. Even a vague idea is better than nothing. At the very least, set a definite time to re-evaluate like six months or a year.

Set expectations.

Next, decide together what is expected from the child. Different circumstances will dictate the details, but it is better to have set expectations, so the parents don’t feel used and the child doesn’t become that person living in their parents’ basement when they are 40.

Set consequences.

Along with the expectations, set consequences if they aren’t met. You probably don’t want to punish your grown child, but losing certain privileges or having to pay for more would be a reasonable consequence. Hold each other accountable. If he fails to meet the expectations or unable to move out, at the least ask your child to contribute to the household expenses. 

Set financial rules.

Decide together how the combined household will deal with finances. This will vary from family to family and depend on circumstances, but as long as everyone is on the same page, it will be easier if it is decided upon right away. Even if your child can’t contribute financially, he or she can help out with household chores or ease the burden of yard work or running errands.

Write everything down.

Really! Make a copy for each of you, so everything is spelled out. That way, if one of you breaks the rules, the other can hold them accountable. Just letting things slide can lead to major resentments and hurt feelings. Even if you don’t want to be strict or seem “mean” it will help your relationship in the future.

Can you kick out your teen child? 

There is no doubt about it: unruly teens can definitely push a parent’s buttons. They can be defiant, rude, disrespectful, and even disobedient. Oftentimes, parents can get so worn down by their disruptive teen that the mere thought of throwing him out may bring a wave of mental and emotional relief.

If your teen is a minor, according to the law you can’t toss him out. In many instances, kicking him out could be classified as abandonment via the child care services. Aside from the legal aspect, it’s your job to be the parent and you are responsible for your teen’s safety. Sure, your teen may be pushing you to your limits and questioning your sanity, but that does not mean it’s right to close the door in his face. Remember, they need boundaries, not closed doors. 

So before you pack your teen’s bags and set him out the door consider doing this:

  • Watch and listen. Take some time to explore what’s going on in your teen’s life. All behavior serves a purpose. 
  • Recognize you are dealing with a teen, not an adult. An adolescent’s brain is still developing, and processing information differently from an adult’s. 
  • Get your teen help. Your teen may have emotional and mental problems that may have not manifested themselves to this degree until now. For example, your teen could be depressed. 
  • Get professional help for the family. Too often we, as adults, want to pass problems onto our teen and neglect looking in the mirror
  • Establish boundaries. While you are trying to figure out how best to handle your teen without pulling out your hair, don’t allow him free reign of the house. Your teen needs rules and structure. Oftentimes troubled teens wear their parents down so they can get their way.
  • Don’t give up. Your teen needs you now more than ever before. While your teen pushes you away, deep inside he/she is longing for love and acceptance. No matter how hard it is—hold on tight and ride out the storm.

Children are the most vital part of one’s life. Therefore it is very important to take a calculative decision when you are asking your child to move out be it a teen or adult. 

Conclusion 

In this blog guide, we will look at a few reasons to kick your child out. In addition, we will also look at how to ask your child to move out, how to get your child on their own, and finally can you kick out a teen. 

FAQs: Reasons to kick your child out

At what age are parents no longer financially responsible?

Parents are the legal guardians of their children and are responsible for their care until the age of 18 unless court orders.  In case your child does not start to earn, as a parent your heart will want to help them. 

Can you kick a kid out at 16?

It depends. If they want to kick you out of the house and make you live in the streets then it is totally illegal and child protection would take over you. But if they just want you to move out and hand you over to friends/relatives or foster care with all the basic necessities provided for then it is legal.

Do parents legally own their children?

Parents do not own their children. However, in the usual course of family life in America, there is a legal expectation that as long as the parents are providing for their children, the children will obey them and accept them as their guardians.

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.

References 

https://www.after50finances.com/family-finances/reasons-to-kick-your-adult-children-out-of-the-home/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/teen-angst/201602/two-words-you-may-regret-get-out

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