In this guide, we will discuss the reasons why we sometimes find ourselves pushing everyone away because of depression.
During depression, we feel and behave in certain ways in which we never wished to, both towards ourselves and towards others. We constantly feel sad and unhappy which makes us feel alone and isolated from our family, friends, and loved ones. With low energy levels, poor concentration and attention span, socializing and forming a connection with anyone feel like a task to us. We do not want to trouble anyone and therefore find it reasonable in our minds that it is okay for us to be pushing everyone away because of depression.
But it is not healthy to push people away when we feel depressed. In case you catch yourself doing that, you can consult a therapist or a clinical psychologist or mental health professional about it. Having a support system during periods of depression can help us fight it and recover from it faster.
Remember you are not alone in this fight against depression.
Reasons for pushing everyone away because of depression
Here are some of the reasons for us pushing everyone away because of depression:
- We fear people do not want us around
- We struggle to maintain conversations
- Social interactions require the energy we don’t have
- We easily become irritated
- We feel like we are a burden on others
- We do not want anyone to see us like this
- We do not want to make everyone also sad
- We feel we might upset or hurt others
- We are fearful of getting hurt
- We feel like no one will understand us
- Pushing away is easier at times
We fear people do not want us around
Depression makes us fearful that people who were close to us do not want to be around us anymore. That people do not enjoy or wish for our company and prefer to stay away from us rather than connect with us. Our mind convinces us that our loved ones do not love or care for us and do not want us to be a part of their lives. Depression plays with our perception of other people’s responses, making us think that their response towards us is negative. Our act of pushing everyone away because of depression can lead us to distance ourselves even from people who do us in their lives.
We struggle to maintain conversations
One of the commonly experienced symptoms of depression is lowered concentration and attention span of an individual. Because of the low concentration and attention span, we find ourselves daydreaming between work and while having conversations with others. We are unable to pay full attention to what people are saying and get lost mid-conversation. Our struggle to maintain conversations is also one of the reasons for us pushing everyone away because of depression. At times we are also not able to take in all the different things that people say in a group and end up feeling lost. In groups, we may also find ourselves the silent non-contributing member of the group which makes us feel useless and dumb.
Social interactions require the energy we don’t have
Depression causes our body to have constantly low energy even after a good night’s sleep. No matter how much we rest, we feel tired before doing any task. This is true even while having social interactions. We do not feel like we can muster up the strength to hold a conversation with another person for long. We get tired at times just thinking that we might have to have a conversation with someone. We see ourselves therefore pushing everyone away because of depression because it is now something that requires too much energy and effort from our side. Picking up the phone to text or call seems like a task for which we have no energy because at times we genuinely don’t even have the entertainment to get out of bed while suffering from depression.
We easily become irritated
Depression makes us irritated and agitated by the smallest of inconvenience, which also applies to conversations we have with other people. If we tell someone that we have depression they are likely to tell us “it’s all in your head” or “just try and be happy.” It is things like these that make us then irritated with the person even though we know they are trying to help in the best way they know. To avoid such responses we tend to unconsciously start pushing everyone away because of depression. We think that if we do not have the conversation we will not get irritated and our relations will not go bad. But not talking to them and pushing them away does put a strain on our relations with others.
We feel like we are a burden on others
Due to depression feelings like we are a burden on others come to mind and we get scared of them being true. We do not want to be a burden on anyone, and for that, if distancing ourselves from others is the solution, we tend to do so. To avoid the feeling of being a burden on others we start pushing everyone away because of depression and what it makes us think. We love our families and friends and would never want to cause them any trouble or pain. To avoid doing that if we feel that pushing them away till we can recover from depression is a sensible move. We would never consider a family member or friend who is suffering from depression to be a burden on us, but it becomes very difficult for us to believe that the same is true for us. We feel no matter what others say we must be a burden on them.
We do not want anyone to see us like this
We do not want anyone to see us like this and that’s why we start pushing everyone away because of depression. We do not want our family and friends to see us sad, hopeless, and helpless and for that, we start avoiding interactions with them. We do not want them to see us at our lowest point and feel pity for us. We feel as the fewer people know about it the better it is. We do not want people to see us in a state in which we are not able to deal with. We want our image to be happy, cheerful, and positive. We do not want anyone to look down upon us or our situation.
We do not want to make everyone also sad
We feel if we interact with others, our sadness will spread to them also. Seeing us sad, others might also feel sad for us and we do not want that to happen. We do not want to bring down the energy of our family members or friends by being present with our low energy. That’s why we start pushing everyone away because of depression. We do not want others to be sad or feel anything similar to what we are currently feeling because it is not a good feeling. We want to be the reason others smile and laugh and not the reason they get sad about. Seeing us in a state of depression, our family and friends might feel helpless as they are not able to snap us out of it, we do not want to be the reason to make them feel sad about not being of help to us.
We feel we might upset or hurt others
Because depression causes us to be irritable, angry, and hostile towards life and other people we are scared of upsetting or hurting our family and friends with our words or actions. Our aim is never to hurt or cause pain to anyone, but because of depression our mood swings are not in our control and we fear if we might lash out at our loved ones over something very minute and stupid. We feel it is upon us to behave in front of them and if that is not possible we start pushing everyone away because of depression. We feel the need to hide from others just to not hurt them. The loss of control over our mood scares us and in a way stops us from interacting with others, especially with people who we care about.
Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.
We are fearful of getting hurt
We push people away because we do not want them to get hurt, but we also push others away from the fear of getting hurt ourselves. We understand that not all people will be able to understand what depression is and what we are going through. And this may cause them to make comments or act in a way that is hurtful to us. Comments like “you are faking,” “there is nothing like depression,” “you just need to be happy” can be hurtful to a person who is going through depression.
Just because it can not be seen with the eye does not mean that it is not having devastating effects on our lives. Because of this, we feel it’s justified to start pushing everyone away because of depression.
We feel like no one will understand us
Sometimes we do not speak up to other people about what is going on in our minds because we fear that no one will truly understand what we are going through. No one will be able to grasp how tough depression has made our life. That it is better to deal with it on our own than involve and explain it to other people. Once we start pushing everyone away because of depression, we feel more alone and like no one gets us and understands what we want. Putting depression into words can be very tough and then making a person believe that we genuinely do have depression can be both exhausting and stressful for us. But in case you feel like no one understands what you are going through, you can reach out to mental health professionals, as they surely will understand and help you find a way out.
Pushing away is easier at times
Along with the numerous reasons stated above one of them is also that it is easier to push people away than to work through relations. It is easier to not think about a way to make them work and just let them break. That’s why many people find pushing everyone away because of depression to be easier.
In this guide, we discussed the reasons why we sometimes find ourselves pushing everyone away because of depression.
What we recommend for depression
If you are suffering from depression then ongoing professional counselling may be your ideal first point of call. Counselling will utilize theories such as Cognitive behavioural therapy which will help you live a more fulfilling life.