In this article, we will discuss pre-wedding depression and about its severity. When we look at it clinically, there is no such thing as a pre-wedding ‘depression’. Whenever someone is about to get married, they go through this overwhelming feeling which makes them jittery and that’s what we call, ‘Pre-wedding jitters’. Pre-wedding depression may seem the same as these jitters, perhaps even more severe.
What is Pre-Wedding Depression
We often see brides and grooms feeling elated during their wedding preparations. They feel happy, they feel enthusiastic and obviously, loved. But as the wedding day comes closer, they experience negative pangs of thoughts. They also feel jittery and nauseous. This is when we talk about ‘Pre-Wedding jitters.’ When the bride or groom slides into depression, the person may feel more at edge. The symptoms may be more negative in terms of its severity.
It is your subconscious telling you that whatever is going to happen, should not happen. You may feel extremely distressed and sad regarding your upcoming wedding. The feelings of loneliness and discomfort may set in, making you doubt everything around you.
Having such thoughts does not mean that you call off the wedding, it simply means that there is some issue that you need to address. We all have an internal compass which guides us in our life. This compass seems to be telling you that something is off, something doesn’t feel right and this feeling makes you feel depressed. It makes you doubt your fiance and the entire existence of your upcoming wedding. It becomes a much more serious issue when you are going through long episodes of depressed emotions.
There are people who do not feel these symptoms before the wedding, but these fears manifest themselves after the wedding as ”Post Marital Depression”.
Symptoms of Pre-Wedding Depression
The emotional symptoms of pre-wedding depression may take several forms.
- The person may feel lonely even though they have a partner to marry. This may be because of some unresolved conflicts within oneself which are yet to be vocalised.
- Anger: the person going to pre-wedding depression may feel anger towards oneself or the partner or the whole idea of their future married life
- Sadness: The person may feel sad for a prolonged amount of time even when the atmosphere around him/her is full of joy and happiness.
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Causes of Pre-Wedding Depression
Stress is one of the sole reasons for slipping into depression. The entire wedding situation demands for mental and physical energy. The initial preparations may seem challenging to you, but as and when you move ahead and you realise that the wedding day is coming closer, you may actually begin to feel stressed out. Your body feels too drained and tired from the preparations. Additionally, the fact that you are actually going to be married in a few days may make you feel more stressed out. This leads to emotional and physical drain of resources where you are left with no more than only a few resources to keep going. When you are already having low energy, the mental state starts getting affected. This effect takes various forms of sadness, doubts and worry leading to anxiety and depression.
- Negative thoughts
The constant loop that you often find yourself in, leads to an automation of negative thoughts in your mind. Because you have been so stressed out about the whole wedding, you do not feel anything hopeful or positive ahead of you. You may begin to self-doubt or you may start feeling aggression towards your own self. You may start thinking in a ‘All or Nothing’ kind of thinking. An example of this could be-
“My wedding will not happen at all.”
“I am a really bad partner.”
“ My fiance doesn’t love me.”
These negative thoughts stop you from looking at the brighter future that is yet to come. You become so engrossed in this negativity that everything seems dark, including your wedding and moreover, your partner.
- Becoming a wife or husband
During the entire process of you planning your wedding, you may have not pondered upon the fact that you may soon become a part of someone’s life, for real. The added responsibility of becoming a wife/husband seems demanding and challenging to many of us. This perceived responsibility may lead to anxiety and may push you in a dark hole of self-doubt. The societal ideas of matching upto the standards of a wife/husband may seem demanding to you and hence, burdensome.
Growing up, the closest couple that we have seen going through various forms of a marriage, is our parents. We have seen their darkest arguments and their loving days. If you come from a family where you grew up seeing your parents fight all the time and this is your blueprint of marriage, then also you may feel depressed with the thought of your marriage. Because you feel that you have a first hand experience of what marriage looks like from the third perspective, you may be saddened by your own wedding.
- Accept your condition
It helps tremendously to choose the path of acceptance. You can push it all away from you and also deny it all you want, but at the end of the day, it will come behind you if you don’t accept it. It will help in feeling less stressed out and you will have a clearer mind to look at your upcoming future. You will feel more at peace when you acknowledge that you are going through something which is not usual and this acknowledgement will help move forward.
- Confide in your partner
Your partner has all the rights to know what you are going through and it may actually help to confide in someone you love and who reciprocates. Your partner will do everything in his/her power to give you the necessary assurance or guidance. You might actually feel at peace when you share it with them because that’s what partners do; you both are ‘partners’. They will ensure you to give you happiness with what you actually want and it does feel good when you are at peace.
- Talk to people who you trust
The people who you are close with, your family and best friends deserve to know what is troubling you. Moreover, you deserve to receive the help that you need through the tough times of dealing with the overwhelming pressure of planning and also your future. It may seem tough, but it all aligns perfectly in the end
- Understand what your triggers are
Introspect on what triggers you and what affects your mental peace. Is it the future with your partner, is it just the wedding planning, is it your new changing role as a wife/husband? It is natural to be affected strongly with the uncertainty of the future and how your marriage is going to take form. But when you committed, you had it in you to say Yes and you still have it in you to stay committed! Believe in your gut and do what it says.
- Confide in your safe space
When the increasing burden of the wedding planning gets to you the most, it is best to detach yourself temporarily from that environment. It can be your best friend’s house, a quiet place, a mall, shopping, restaurant, park, relative’s place or literally anything that gives you peace. Enough peace to transform you in another environment until your head is clear. This helps in thinking more broadly and getting a perspective which is away from the tedious and stressful environment. You get a chance to introspect about your needs, your wants, your feelings and a general emotion toward the entire situation. You start getting answers for all the questions you need.
- Focus on the sensation of depression itself
According to Danna Pycher who is a hypnotherapy Coach, focusing on where the feeling of depression actually is in your body, helps in moving it away from you. She says to locate that feeling in your chest, stomach or throat. For example, if it is in your throat, focus your awareness in your chest and give it a color, form or shape. You have now made a connection with that feeling instead of just focusing on the heaviness of that depression. Once you have done that, feel it move away in the form of a balloon from your throat. Do this until you actually feel calmer and let that feeling move off your chest.
Talking to someone who has no emotional connections with your wedding, at times, helps. The therapist will give you an objective outlook and may guide you better at how to tackle the situation. They may be able to help you take a grip on your own feelings,, so that you can enjoy your day as well as post-wedding life happily.
- Know that nothing is going to be perfect and it’s okay
Weddings come with a lot of societal pressures and it is understandable for you to feel burdened due to it. But do not let it have so much effect over you, that it takes a mental toll over you. Your wedding is supposed to make you feel happy and do not let it make you feel otherwise. Create happy memories and enjoy your day to the fullest!
BetterHelp: A Better Alternative
Those who are seeking therapy online may also be interested in BetterHelp. BetterHelp offers plenty of formats of therapy, ranging from live chats, live audio sessions and live video sessions. In addition, unlimited messaging through texting, audio messages and even video messages are available here.
BetterHelp also offers couples therapy and therapy for teenagers in its platform. Furthermore, group sessions can also be found in this platform, covering more than twenty different topics related to mental health and mental illness. The pricing of BetterHelp is also pretty cost-effective, especially considering the fact that the platform offers financial aid to most users.
To conclude, we say that pre-wedding depression is a real thing and that it is as common as pre-wedding jitters. The to-be bride/groom might experience intense feelings of sadness and blues which takes severe forms in many cases.
Do let us know if you have any questions in the comment section below!
What we recommend for Depression
If you are suffering from depression then ongoing professional counselling could be your ideal first point of call. Counselling will utilize theories such as Cognitive behavioural therapy which will help you live a more fulfilling life.
FAQ’s: Pre-wedding Depression
How do you deal with pre-wedding anxiety?
Create a self-care routine, confide in your partner, take one thing at a time, talk to your friends and family, go to therapy if you feel it is out of control. Do things that make you feel at peace. Do not put your mental peace at a toll by panicking and worrying about your future. It will all be okay on your wedding day!
Is it normal to have pre-wedding jitters?
Yes, it is very normal to have pre-wedding jitters. These jitters may actually make the person believe that they are marrying the wrong person. These beliefs may take strong positions if they are not tackled. Being calm, talking to your partner and introspection helps calm oneself down, enough to take rational decisions.
How do you get rid of wedding jitters?
One of the things that you can do is do something with your fiance, friends and family which does not involve anything related to the wedding. You may go out for a shopping spree, mini road trip, picnic or something as lowkey as a sleepover or a movie. Just do something which brings you happiness and mental peace.
What are marriage blues?
Marriage blues mean a feeling of melancholy and sadness that sets in after days of celebration. It is the realisation that the wedding is over and marriage has begun. The realisation of a new chapter in life brings these intense feelings of sadness and often distress. It is more common in brides but some grooms also experience it.