Why am I so paranoid about my girlfriend cheating on me?

In this article, we answer the following question: Why am I so paranoid about my girlfriend cheating on me? We talk about reasons why this happens, but also about the consequences of trust issues in a relationship. We also briefly explain what paranoid personality disorder is.

Why am I so paranoid about my girlfriend cheating on me? 

There are a few reasons why you may be paranoid about your girlfriend, but mainly, this happens in a relationship when you lack self-confidence. It all starts here: if you don’t think you’re good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, and so on, you will always have doubts that your partner will find someone better than you.

Of course, there are other reasons why you are paranoid about your girlfriend. One of these may be due to past trauma (such as failed relationships, unfaithful parents, or examples of bad relationships). 

Of course, if your girlfriend gives you reasons to be distrustful (such as flirting with other guys in front of you, disappearing for no reason for a few days, or other such behaviour), it’s understandable that you’re paranoid.

Many feel paranoid because of social desirability. They do what the society accepts, feeling insecure about your girlfriend cheating on you and to counter that, putting restrictions on her.

The best thing you can do is to talk to her, to express your concern clearly, but without blaming her for anything – remember that we are all free people and we do not belong to anyone.

Not just men, but even women are paranoid of their boyfriend cheating on them.

If, however, you find that you frequently have doubts about your partner, if you frequently ask questions about her loyalty, where she is and what she could do, try the following:

With a little training, we can reprogram the way our brains work. Every time a negative thought appears, we can observe it, allowing ourselves to see what emotions it transmits to us, but then learning to let it go. 

We are often tempted to resist these thoughts, and this only strengthens them and allows them to plant their seed deep in our minds. But when we accept and recognize them, allowing them to be, they are no longer so strong. If the same thought reappears, ask yourself if it is justified. 

Rely on reason and all the knowledge you have, leaving aside emotions, to determine if the thing you are thinking about is really a threat or not. If you come to the result of false, unjustified fear, then quickly replace the thought with a positive one, full of love and compassion for yourself, not with guilt. 

Do this repeatedly until the power of the initial thought decreases and you can give it up by remaining calm. If the result reveals a real fear, on which it is necessary to act, wait until the initial emotions subside to act calmly and with a clear mind.

In some cases, paranoia can be overcome through awareness, increased self-esteem, a deeper understanding of the cause and effect of these paranoid feelings. When we begin to understand why we have reached this point, we gain an understanding of who we are and a clearer vision of the couple’s relationship we have.

If we are aware of what we are experiencing, we take control of our lives, so we can become the ones who control our own feelings, not the other way around. The earlier we start working with ourselves, the greater the chance that we will be able to have control over how we perceive life and what is happening around us.

Paranoia often leads to poor communication and lack of trust. Therefore, in order to get rid of this disorder, it is important that both partners are open to communication, to find solutions together in this direction. The person suffering from paranoia should be treated with compassion, not judged and accused. There is even a struggle inside him, so it is important that his partner is with him so that together they can get through this ordeal before it is too late.

Important!!! If the paranoia is in a sufficiently advanced stage that the person in question ends up hurting themselves or others, it is important to contact a specialist immediately!

Paranoid Personality Disorder

You have probably heard or even met yourself, always suspicious people, who do not trust anyone and anything, moreover, interpret the intentions of others as always malicious or against them.

No matter how much evidence they bring to dismantle their beliefs or suspicions, they will not give up, but on the contrary, they will look for arguments in the arguments that resonate or fit their ideas. These people are people who suffer from paranoia or, in more academic terms, “paranoid personality disorder.”

These people have an extremely rich imagination, are creative and build some complex scenarios, which they feel are real. This gift of rich imagination is also their curse, as they use their gift to create disappointments and paranoid ideas, and their suffering is real. They really believe the constructed scenarios.

About paranoid personality disorder

Paranoid personality disorder is part of the group of personality disorders called eccentric along with schizoid and schizotypal personality.

People with paranoid personality disorder are characterized by suspicion and distrust of other people, the belief that others aim to use him, harm him in some way, or deceive the person in question.

Characteristics of paranoid personality disorder

The person with paranoid personality disorder has difficulty trusting others and seeing other people worthy of trust and loyalty. Suspicion refers to people in general. The interpretation of actions, of environmental events is done according to these inflexible, constant and continuous patterns of thinking.

People with paranoid personality disorder are vigilant and constantly observing the environment, looking for warning signs and signs to confirm the idea that they are threatened in one form or another. 

The attention and memory of these people with paranoid personality traits is selectively focused on the stimuli associated with the threat. Once detected, these signals from the environment are perceived and interpreted in a proper, erroneous manner. The memory stores this information associated with suspicion, distrust, threat and injury to oneself. 

Clinical picture of paranoid personality disorder

  • suspicion and distrust of others;
  • others are seen as people with hidden goals;
  • the others are seen as people who seek to manipulate him, to use the person in question;
  • others are seen as people who seek to harm them, materially or morally;
  • has doubts about loyalty and trust in those with whom he comes in contact;
  • is afraid of contacts with others, avoids relationships with others for fear that they would use the relationship for personal gain, and would gather the information that they could use against him;
  • is sensitive to criticism from others, criticism and insults that he does not easily forget and reacts radically to;
  • resentful, unable to forget and forgive situations or people who have offended, humiliated him;
  • accuses his partner, for no real reason, of cheating on him.

Paranoia in a relationship

The paranoiac partner constantly suspects their partners of infidelity, they are jealous and possessive, they look for evidence to confirm any suspicion, they can gather trivial and contextual evidence to support their accusations, they assault them with questions and they can only calm down after their suspicions are “confirmed”. 

They want to maintain total control over their intimate relationships in order to avoid being deceived, and they constantly wonder and worry about where their partner is, their actions, intentions and (in) fidelity. Many times, if the partner of a paranoid ends up being unfaithful to him, and the paranoid finds out, the latter will “relax” somewhat because he has finally proved to be right.

Unfortunately, as I said at the beginning of the article, the suffering of these people is real, so their inner consumption is huge, as they do not consider themselves good enough, do not have self-confidence, and have the inner conviction that they do not deserve to be happy or have the relationship they have.

Paranoia can enter a couple without even the partners being aware of this situation. If at the beginning it manifests itself as a banal fear, in time it acquires immense valances, becoming and behaving like a real virus for the relationship. 

In order to truly differentiate between paranoia and fear or, in other cases, intuition, it is important to be aware and recognize our fears, their depth, and the emotions they create in order to work with them and to be able to realize what is real and what is not.

There are also cases where paranoia in the relationship can have a real foundation and then it is important that both partners recognize the situation and bring it up to be analyzed calmly, confidently and with a clear mind, so as to forgive what is to be forgiven and to be able to move forward and build a plan of evolution together. In these cases, it is important to shift the perception of the situation from fear to rational thinking.

Paranoia can also occur in a relationship full of love and harmony, in which there was no reason to suspect before. It is enough for the mind to create a thought or a doubt about the partner, based on the fear that we might lose him, that he could find someone else and then this wonderful relationship could end.

If doubts arise in the relationship and questions about partner loyalty become more frequent, this could lead someone to start “checking” the partner’s phone, laptop, in some cases could even start tracking their partner or even hire a detective for this.

And given that at this stage we are looking for confirmations, any evidence of fidelity is rejected, so we see only incriminating “evidence” even where they are not. But we find ways to give them new interpretations in such a way that they are.

When paranoia sets in, people begin to analyze everything that happens, each word, action, the behavior of the other, seeing everything in a personal way, creating scenarios and giving their own interpretation that matches the scenario of infidelity they already have in mind.

Paranoia can turn someone into a real emotional wreck, as the only emotions experienced by the person in question are only those springing from FEAR: frustration, bitterness, anger, lack of confidence (in oneself and others), anxiety, suffering, pain, etc. 

People who suffer from this disorder are so far removed from their essence, from who they really are, from their purpose. Their only mission becomes to prove their own suspicions and all their activities revolve around this mission. 

Thus, they spend their time watching every movement of their partner, checking their phone, email, and following their activity on social networks. There is no upper limit that a person who has mastered paranoia can reach. 

This situation is painful and destructive and unfortunately, it does not improve over time, but becomes more serious and gnaws, literally, from the inside to the outside the person concerned. 

First, it destroys one’s self-confidence, who one is, upsets their moral values and principles, then affects their mental and emotional state through a lack of rational thinking, then the state of physical health suffers. 

The person may begin to have insomnia, lose the ability to concentrate, disrupt their metabolism. Some people can lose significant weight from the stress they face. Others may gain weight from the unconscious need to protect themselves from all this self-inflicted suffering. And finally, paranoia ends up destroying the couple’s relationship and the person’s ability to create and maintain other social relationships.

I don’t know if there is a “miracle treatment” that can rid someone of paranoia. Officially, someone suffering from this disorder would prefer to consult a specialist, to start therapy in this direction. Unfortunately, the vast majority of them are not aware that they have a problem, because in “their world” their behaviour and fears are perfectly justified.


Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.

FAQ on Why am I so paranoid about my girlfriend cheating on me?

How do I stop being paranoid about my girlfriend?

To stop being paranoid about your girlfriend, you have to identify what the real problem is. Are you jealous because she gives you real reasons, or because you lack self-confidence/have a history of trauma/hurtful break-ups? Talk with your partner, both of you should be honest when explaining what cheating means for each other. 

Why am I paranoid about my girlfriend cheating?

There may be many reasons why you are paranoid about your girlfriend cheating. Most of the time, this happens when you either lack self-confidence, have trust issues or you are projecting. 

Is paranoia normal in a relationship?

No, paranoia is not normal in a relationship. If doubts arise in the relationship and questions about partner loyalty become more frequent, this could lead someone to start “checking” the partner’s phone, laptop, in some cases could even start tracking their partner or even hire a detective for this.

Is worrying a sign of love?

We cannot say that worrying is a sign of love. When you love someone, you trust them, and you trust yourself. Nothing and nobody can guarantee us that our relationships will last forever, or that is it “the right one”. However, when you truly love, you learn to live in the moment and let go of doubts and worries. 

Conclusions

In this article, we answered the following question: Why am I so paranoid about my girlfriend? We talked about reasons why this happens, but also about the consequences of trust issues in a relationship. We also briefly explained what paranoid personality disorder is.

The person with a paranoid personality disorder has difficulty trusting others and seeing other people worthy of trust and loyalty. Suspicion refers to people in general. The interpretation of actions, of environmental events, is done according to these inflexible, constant and continuous patterns of thinking.

A paranoid and jealous partner wants to maintain total control over their intimate relationships in order to avoid being deceived, and they constantly wonder and worry about where their partner is, their actions, intentions and (in) fidelity. 

Many times, if the partner of a paranoid ends up being unfaithful to him, and the paranoid finds out, the latter will “relax” somewhat because he has finally proved to be right. Unfortunately, the vast majority of people are not aware that they have a problem, because in “their world” their behaviour and fears are perfectly justified.

If you have more questions or any comment on the content, please let us know!

Further reading

The State Of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity – a book for anyone who has ever loved, by Esther Perel

Six Steps to Self-Confidence: Build confidence. Express yourself. Have fun., by Danny Greeves  

The Self Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Overcoming Self-Doubt and Improving Self-Esteem, by Barbara Markway 

Understanding Paranoia: A Guide for Professionals, Families, and Sufferers, by Martin Kantor MD 

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.

References

Psychalive.org – How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety

Healthline.com – How to Handle Relationship Anxiety

Psychologytoday.com – 7 Tips for Coping with a Paranoid Partner

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