Why am I so paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me?
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The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
In this article, we are going to answer the following question: Why am I so paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me? We will help you identify signs to know if your boyfriend is cheating on you and what to do if this has already happened.
Why am I so paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me?
Fear is one of the feelings that cause the most wear and tear in a relationship. The fears associated with possible infidelity generate psychological wear not only when the person observes real indications of this fact, but also when the simple hypothesis produces thoughts and emotions that generate discomfort in the affected person.
You might also be paranoid about your boyfriend cheating you, because of codependency.
Not just women, but men are also paranoid about their girlfriend cheating on them, being unaware of the reasons.
Signs to know if your boyfriend is cheating on you
If the mental noise of doubt affects you recurrently, it is because you have observed some type of gesture or behaviour that generates uneasiness. However, try to take your time to reflect more carefully so as not to get carried away by an intuition that may be false.
Are you a jealous person? Some people live with this chronic doubt, simply, because they project their own inner reality into their relationship. What are the usual symptoms of a jealous person? He has been jealous of different couples, this topic being the usual cause of many discussions. In other words, this episode of uncertainty is not isolated but recurring.
Has he lied to you in any important way? Doubts can produce a very negative inner discourse in that person who fears the abandonment of the person they love.
Faced with these internal doubts, try to slow down your mind so as not to make anticipated value judgments and reflect on what is your level of trust and communication in your relationship. For example, in a percentage of 0 to 5, rate what is your assessment of this relationship balance.
If you have regularly discovered lies in your partner or lack of transparency in matters that have affected you when knowing the truth, that fact creates a predisposition for your own doubt. On the contrary, if your partner’s behaviour has been defined by habitual sincerity, this value reflects a different attitude.
Lies in a relationship are not always discovered directly. Sometimes, it is a friend or someone external to the relationship who records the protagonist some information that he did not know. Have you experienced any such situation?
Habitual behaviour – In a couple, habits arise that is the reflection of the construction of a life project in common. If you are wondering if your boyfriend is cheating on you with a woman, try answering the following questions.
At what point did that doubt begin to arise in you? What exactly happened? Try to reflect on what was the turning point that generated this mood in you. Have you observed any kind of significant behaviour change in your partner regarding you and your life together?
Changes in behaviour can affect different planes. For example, level of expenses, alteration of schedules, new leisure plans, new friends, change of image, loss of communication or excessive use of the mobile phone.
What is significant about the behaviour change materialized through the presence of new friends is that, for example, your partner leaves you on the fringes of that point and he spends less and less time with you.
How can you get information about these details? Through the observation of coexistence. It is difficult to maintain a parallel relationship in time without this fact transpiring at some point.
Talk to your partner
Their attitude and reaction can give you information about what is going on. Quite simply, because you know your partner very well and her reaction at this moment of confrontation can make you see if you notice her change or if, on the contrary, she faces the situation with the naturalness of always.
That does not mean that a person who is unfaithful recognizes it immediately, however, you can observe their verbal and body language, their level of predisposition to talk about the subject or if they maintain eye contact (a gesture that reflects sincerity).
What to do if my boyfriend cheated on me with another woman?
The first habitual reaction in those who know that their partner is unfaithful to them is the state of disbelief and shock. Even when the data pointed in that direction, the state of misunderstanding and anger is evident by a situation that breaks with previous expectations. The person has the feeling of having lived a deception.
Focus your attention on your partner, but not on that person external to the relationship. Analyze this fact in relation to how it affects you two, how you got here, what is the general balance of the relationship prior to this event, if you value the possibility of a second chance or close the door in a definitive way.
When you are going through such a situation, you may feel so many conflicting ideas and ambivalent feelings that putting them in writing will help you put that inner world in order.
Your opinion about this situation will be closely linked to your own personal values and the point of view you have about infidelity. There are some people who consider that this fact is unforgivable, others think otherwise. Try to listen to your own point of view not only in relation to what you have thought so far but also what you consider in the present, once this fact has occurred.
What does your partner want? This data is very important since, in order to build a new opportunity between the two, there must be a mutual disposition. You can give yourself the necessary time to talk, clarify ideas or even do couples therapy. The only real way to heal infidelity is forgiveness. A difficult gesture that, therefore, you must value. And this only you can know through the time that calms the emotions.
Context analysis. Infidelity is a synthesis of what has happened, but there are many other details. For example, if your partner told you about infidelity on your own initiative or you discovered it if it was a specific event or a recurring circumstance if you are in love with that person …
How to gain confidence in yourself when your boyfriend cheats on you with another woman
This fact positions you in a complex context over time. You live in the present, however, constant memories of the past come to your mind because you wonder how this could have happened to you. In turn, this situation offers you the opportunity to ask yourself not so much why it has happened to you, but what you are going to do from now on. What is the difference between the two questions?
The question of why connects with the search for an objective reason that you cannot always reach. In life, there are many situations in which we must continue moving forward despite not having the definitive answers. Do you think you would feel calmer if your partner gave you a reason for what happened? That probably wouldn’t change anything about your mood.
On the other hand, if you focus on what you are going to do from now on, you do not eliminate the pain at once, however, if you place yourself on a plane of reality in which you make decisions in relation to what depends on you, but you don’t position yourself in a victim role. You cannot modify this recent past, but you can write today’s page.
It often happens, when infidelity occurs, that the person becomes aware of details of the relationship to which she had not given so much meaning until then. That is, you can see that love was not going through its best moment. However, infidelity produces this emotional storm that shakes the foundations of that story as no event had.
And in a situation of such sudden change, finding security in yourself by focusing on those plans or projects you want to do from now on, will help you to be busy with something that distracts you from your own inner anger. It is not about avoiding much-needed introspection, but about remembering that life goes on.
FAQ on Why am I so paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me
How do I stop being paranoid about my boyfriend?
To stop being paranoid about your boyfriend, you have to identify what the real problem is. Are you jealous because he gives you real reasons, or because you lack self-confidence/have a history of trauma/hurtful break-ups? Talk with your partner, both of you should be honest when explaining what cheating means for each other.
Why am I paranoid about my boyfriend cheating?
There may be many reasons why you are paranoid about your boyfriend cheating. Most of the time, this happens when you either lack self-confidence, have trust issues or you are projecting.
Is paranoia normal in a relationship?
No, paranoia is not normal in a relationship. If doubts arise in the relationship and questions about partner loyalty become more frequent, this could lead someone to start “checking” the partner’s phone, laptop, in some cases could even start tracking their partner or even hire a detective for this.
Is worrying a sign of love?
We cannot say that worrying is a sign of love. When you love someone, you trust them, and you trust yourself. Nothing and nobody can guarantee us that our relationships will last forever, or that is it “the right one”. However, when you truly love, you learn to live in the moment and let go of doubts and worries.
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Conclusions
In this article, we answered the following question: Why am I so paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me? We helped you identify signs to know if your boyfriend is cheating on you and what to do if this has already happened.
If the mental noise of doubt affects you recurrently, it is because you have observed some type of gesture or behaviour that generates uneasiness. However, try to take your time to reflect more carefully so as not to get carried away by an intuition that may be false.
The first habitual reaction in those who know that their partner is unfaithful to them is the state of disbelief and shock. Even when the data pointed in that direction, the state of misunderstanding and anger is evident by a situation that breaks with previous expectations.
It often happens, when infidelity occurs, that the person becomes aware of details of the relationship to which she had not given so much meaning until then. That is, you can see that love was not going through its best moment. However, infidelity produces this emotional storm that shakes the foundations of that story as no event had.
If you have any questions or comments on the content, please let us know!
References
Psychalive.org – How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety
Healthline.com – How to Handle Relationship Anxiety
Psychologytoday.com – 7 Tips for Coping with a Paranoid Partner