Should you establish ‘no contact’ with parents? (+5 Things to expect)
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The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the…
In this blogpost, we will be answering if you establish ‘no contact’ with parents. We will also be checking out the things you can expect when you have established ‘no contact’ with parents and listed a number of coping tips and strategies that you can use to help in this case.
Should you establish ‘no contact’ with parents?
Yes, you should establish ‘no contact’ with parents, but only if you feel that they are contributing negatively to your peace of mind and your mental health. Some of the instances where you need to establish a ‘no contact’ rule have been discussed as follows,
When the parent is definitely toxic
Not all parents are going to be nice and easy to get along with. In many instances, the parent develops a toxic relationship with their children. If this continues into adulthood, it may be a good idea to establish the ‘no contact’ rule.
When the relationships is not positive in nature
If the relationship with the parent brings more negative things than positive ones, this is another reason to establish the ‘no contact’ rule. This is especially if the parent has been actively putting out negative behavior than positive actions.
When the relationship is leading to trauma in mental health
Sometimes, if the parent is going to traumatize the person up to the point their mental health suffers, this may also be a good opportunity to establish a ‘no contact’ rule. This is especially if the parent is narcissistic in nature or even passive aggressive in their approach.
When there have been instances of abuse
In situations where the parent has actively abused the person, this also calls for ‘no contact’. This is especially if the person has made no attempts to apologize or make up for their mistakes and is considered a real danger.
When the parent has been alcoholic
Alcoholism can cause many problems in a family, leading to trauma, neglect and even sexual abuse. In case the parent does not get over their alcoholism and does voluntarily see help, this can also call for a ‘no contact’ rule to be established.
Because of political differences
While political differences can cause some people to disagree with each other, it can also cause serious breakups in families. When a parent is leaning towards a political side which follows completely different principles, a ‘no contact’ rule may be established.
When there has been dangerous behavior from the parent
In case the parent has demonstrated some really dangerous behavior on their part which has affected the person directly, or even their family, this can also call for a ‘no contact’ rule. Some people have stopped talking to their parents since they have endangered their kids.
When they have been disrespectful towards a spouse
In many instances, the ‘no contact’ rule has come into play since the parent has been disrespectful towards one’s spouse. In case a parent has not respected a person’s spouse and humiliated them, all contact may be cut off from them.
When there have been financial disputes
Money can also be a problem-causing factor in many cases and can break up even the tightest of families. In case a parent has borrowed a lot of money and refuses to give it back, this can also cause their child to cut off complete contact with them.
What to expect from ‘no contact’?
Establishing a ‘no contact’ rule with a parent is certainly no laughing matter and may not come so easily. A few things that you can expect when you have established a ‘no contact’ rule with our parent or parents are:
- In many cases of ‘no contact’ with parents, the other family members may also stop talking to the person.
- The parent may exhibit a lot of passive-aggressiveness through other family members to show their displeasure.
- Siblings may also stop talking to each other because of ‘no contact’ because of their displeasure at the behavior or because of being manipulated by the parent.
- Since living in harmony with parents is often touted as one of the thumb-rules of society, having a no-contact rule in the family can be seen as stigmatic by other people.
- Another thing that you can expect after having ‘no contact’ with your parents is feelings of guilt and confusion as your mind will go back and forth about your decision.
How to cope with ‘no contact’ with parents?
If you have newly established ‘no contact’ with your parents for some reason or the other, there are a few things that you can do to cope with your decision. The best of these coping strategies have been discussed in the following section.
Try to not think of it as permanent
A great way to cope with cutting off contact with your parents is to start thinking of it as a temporary thing. When you think of the ‘no contact’ as limited contact, it eases you into the situation, helping you cope easily.
At the same time, you can also try easing into the ‘no contact’ slowly instead of ghosting your parents or parents completely at the same time. This would require you to set healthy boundaries between you and your parents with strong control.
Create realistic expectations
Another way is to set realistic expectations for you as well as your parents. For instance, you might not be able to completely stay away from your parents, especially if your extended family is a close-knit one.
Use healthy venting strategies
You can also use healthy venting strategies in order to cope with the ‘no contact’ rule that you have set with your parents. Healthy venting strategies can include writing in a journal, going to therapy or even talking to a friend.
Going to therapy can also work as a venting tool, but this is of course, not the main motive of seeing a mental health professional. Another venting strategy can be involving yourself in creative activities like painting, sketching and even music.
Understand the motive for your ‘no-contact’
After establishing ‘no contact’ with your parents, expect your mind to go back and forth on your decision. In case you are feeling confused and distressed about having no contact with your parents, remind yourself of why you created the rule in the first place.
You can also try writing down your motive for making your decision in your journal so that the idea is well-established in your mind. You can also create certain visual cues or audio cues to enforce your decision.
Let go of your guilt
It can be natural to feel guilty about cutting off contact with your parents. In case you are feeling guilty about the entire thing, remember that is not up to you to keep the entire family glued together and each person in the group has their own responsibility to do so
Allow yourself to grieve
Just like how you grieve when you lose a person to death, cutting off contact with your parent can also invoke feelings of grief in you. Be aware of the different stages of grief, namely, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.
You might not go through all the stages in the right order and sometimes one stage can be skipped, but this is the rough outline. Grief can also help you vent and express your anger and hurt.
Talk to others in the same boat
You can also seek emotional support from others who have gone through the same experience before. This can not only further strengthen your decision in the ‘no contact’ rule, but also give you more coping strategies to deal with the same.
Conclusion
In this blogpost, we have answered if you establish ‘no contact’ with parents. We have also checked out the things you can expect when you have established ‘no contact’ with parents and listed a number of coping tips and strategies that you can use to help in this case.
If you like this blogpost, please leave your comments and questions in the space below.
Citations
http://shura.shu.ac.uk/25839/1/Positive-Impact-Report.pdf
