My wife yells at my child (What to do)

This article will look at how to deal with situations in which your wife constantly resorts to shouting at your children and what could be the possible reasons behind such a behaviour.

A Wife That Shouts At The Children – Why?

Here are some reasons why your wife may resort to shouting at your children:

• Anger Issues
• Emotional Instability
• Mental Health Problems
• Asserting Dominance – Wants To Be In Control
• She Is Angry At You – Taking It Out On The Children

Before we look at these reasons in detail, let us look at why such behaviour can become such an issue!

Shouting At The Kids – Never Okay!

Shouting is never a healthy activity and only worsens situations people are in! Furthermore, shouting is not a good tool for parenting and can actually set an unhealthy example for kids in a number of ways. They may think that shouting is a way to avoid the real discussion and when you shout you don’t really have to focus on the logic. Why? Because when you speak loud enough the other person will eventually go quiet and the situation will be resolved!

Also, if your wife yells at your children then she is teaching them that it is acceptable to engage in this behaviour and they will do so when the time comes. It is possible your children may start talking back to you or shout at you when they get upset because that is how they have seen mom resolve her problems!

Although shouting may help us regulate our emotional side and allow us to let out some steam, it is no doubt considered wrong and this is the reason why such behaviour is not tolerated in the professional setting such as at a conference, during a class or a meeting at work. Even when it comes to the family sphere, this is an act that is looked down upon unless the family simply does not ‘care’. 

Regardless of whether or not shouting can help us as a society in the long term and whether it truly allows us to express ourselves in acceptable ways, it is something we prefer not to teach our children or do in front of them. This article will focus on how to handle situations where we have shouted in front of our child and what we can do to fix the situation.

A Wife That Shouts At The Children – Top Reasons

Here are some reasons why your wife may resort to shouting at your children:

• Anger Issues
• Emotional Instability
• Mental Health Problems
• Asserting Dominance – Wants To Be In Control
• She Is Angry At You – Taking It Out On The Children

Anger Issues

Yes anger issues actually exist. It is not the same as the natural anger one faces. Anger is an important human emotion that is necessary for society to function as a whole. Anger expresses your displeasure or disappointment in someone or something signalling for immediate improvement or changes. Anger is also a sign that you disapprove of something and it should be stopped. If people could not be angry then things would continue in ways that are unsatisfactory for them.

However, anger can become a dangerous emotion if it is frequent, uncontrolled or excessive. It can be inward which means towards oneself or outward, that is it is directed towards others. In your husband’s case, it could be outward and hence he resorts to verbal or physical expressions of it hence you see his anger outbursts. This is not healthy behavior and can have detrimental effects on the person who experiences these anger issues and others around him.

There are a number of signs or symptoms of anger issues such as:

• Are hurting others either verbally or physically
• Always find yourself feeling angry
• Feel that your anger is out of control
• Frequently regret something you’ve said or done when angry
• Notice that small or petty things make you angry
• Raising Your Voice

Hence, this could be one of the reasons why your wife raises her voice or shouts at the kids!

Emotional Instability

Your spouse may be suffering from emotional instability in which they are not able to control their emotions and how they express them. This could be the result of past problems, mental health problems or the effects of medicines. Nonetheless, the result is they face emotional instability or heightened emotional arousal which they have an urge to express. This could be another reason why your spouse chooses to yell at the kids.

Mental Health Problems

Women also experience many mental health problems that can cause them to behave in ways that are not healthy. Depression, anxiety, stress and obsessive compulsive disorder as well as mental diseases relating to topics of paranoia could be a reason why your wife breaks down and starts yelling at the children.

In this case, talking to her will not solve the problem and she will most probably have to see a psychologist.

Asserting Dominance – Wants To Be In Control

Relationships are tough especially when they are with the wrong person who is not ready to be as sincere or honest as you are. Some people want to have the upper hand in a relationship. When it comes to marriage, it is a partnership and not a relation where there is a power dynamic that needs to be won. Most of the things are done out of compassion and not duty. So, it is possible your wife is trying to assert her dominance not only with the kids but also with you and hence she shouts at them to show everybody who is the boss.

She Is Angry At You – Taking It Out On The Children

One of the common reasons why your wife may be raising her voice with the kids is because you somehow upset her or hurt her. She may not want to tell you explicitly and this may be her way of trying to get your attention. Hence this is why she shouts at the kids! She is trying to tell you – in a very bad way – that she is quite upset. So sit her down and talk to her.

Be smart and find out why she is hurt rather than directly asking her. She wants you to be aware of who she is and what makes her happy and equally importantly, what makes her sad. If you can’t do that much do you really deserve her?

What To Do?

In no way is such a behaviour acceptable. Even if your wife is unwell, has serious mental health problems or is stressed out, she has no right to raise her voice with the kids in a manner that upsets them, puts them down or sets a bad example. It has been shown to negatively affect children’s health.

As a father, you have the responsibility to protect your family and maintain order within the house – especially if your wife is not doing that. You need to stop your wife from behaving in such a way in a calm and controlled manner. Why? Well parents fighting with each other is another sight that greatly upsets the kids. They won’t mind being shouted at sometimes but if they see their parents in a tussle this will leave a mark on them.

Take your wife to the side and tell her she needs to reassess her behaviour and that no matter what happens she cannot shout at the kids. After you have gotten the situation under control, you should talk to her in a separate space.

It is important that you have an open discussion with your wife. She may be upset and might require some counseling from you. Tell her why you think this issue needs to be discussed and how it can adversely affect the kids. Furthermore, you need to ask her what is bothering her. If the situation can be managed at home there is no need to involve a third party. However, if both partners agree and think it is necessary, they can reach out for help by either meeting a marriage counselor, psychologists or doctor.

Conclusion

This article provided reasons as to why your wife may be shouting at the kids. It is also discussed why this is an unacceptable behaviour and should be stopped immediately. Furthermore, the article focused on how the husband can take corrective action in this situation and prevent it from worsening.

References

How To Deal With A Spouse Who Frequently Yells At The Kids