My Wife Raises Her Voice With Me(+3 Reasons)

This article will discuss reasons why someone especially your wife would resort to raising her voice with you and how you can deal with such situations in a safe and effective manner.

My Wife Raises Her Voice With Me

Here are reasons why your wife may be raising her voice while communicating with you:

  • She Is Angry At You
  • She Can’t Stand You
  • Anger Issues
  • Emotional Instability
  • Mental Health Problems
  • Hurt & Upset With You
  • Asserting Dominance – Wants To Be In Control

Before we look at all these reasons, let us look at the relationship between two spouses and how it can be affected by communication!

Communication In Relationships – Makes All The Difference

Communication is important for every relationship but even more when it comes to the relationship that exists within marriage between a man and woman. Maybe it is because of how different the male and female mind process and perceive information; to overcome that gap and ensure both partners are on the same page we engage in something called ‘talking’ with each other!

Most marriages that end often end when communication has totally shut down or because communication was not used as a tool to understand and resolve the situation. However, why, something so simple as communication, can be overlooked or avoided when it comes to fixing things. Afterall, we communicate everyday with other people in our life so not with our spouse.

There are a number of factors that affect the quality of communication between two people such as a husband and wife. They are listed here:

  • Trust
  • Confidence That Discussion Will Be Productive
  • Willingness To Put In The Effort
  • Time & Energy
  • Love Or Compromise?
  • Purpose

These factors determine how effective the communication between two people will be. If you do not trust the other person and believe that no matter what you say they will always point at you when it comes to blame then you will not put in much effort. Furthermore, if you are trying to talk with someone whom you love then you will be ready to put in the time and energy to have those difficult talks. Also, what is the purpose of the communication? Is it to achieve a bigger purpose like getting back together again or saving a marriage that involves 3 kids?

How people communicate is an interesting phenomena and this is affected by their purpose of speaking to the other person and how they perceive them. We will look at this in depth in the upcoming section.

Why Does Your Wife Raise Her Voice While Speaking To You?

We will look at the various reasons why your wife raises her voice while talking to you!

She Is Angry At You

You might think the day is going perfectly normal and the conversations between you and your wife are of the same nature! All of a sudden she begins raising her voice while talking to you! You are surprised, confused and upset all at the same time!

Women are not always as direct in communication as men are and may tend to leave hints or clues so that their partner can actually determine what is wrong. It is their way of seeing whether or not he loves her to the point that he will put in some effort to find out what is wrong. Not knowing, women are often aware that men do not expect the same in fact they want communication to be very simple and direct. 

Hence, it is possible your wife is angry about something you did 3 days ago but the anger has just started surfacing and it is possible she has reached her limit in letting you determine that something is wrong. Too bad you didn’t pick up the clues and now you have to feel her wrath!

She Can’t Stand You

It is possible your wife can no longer stand you. This is actually an alarming sign for your marriage because this relationship is all about mercy and forgiveness and also compromise to some extent. You put up with the faults or failings of your partner because you not only love them but don’t really find it hard to do that – of course because you love them!

However, over time you may realize you did not marry the man you thought he was and he has not been putting the effort you think is required for a happy and stable marriage. As a result, not only is your interest decreasing but so is your love and ability to patiently listen to him. In fact, your ears hurt when he goes on his rants or even when he tries to explain a situation sincerely because you know he will make the same mistake again and again without any real effort to put things back to where they should be!

As grim as it sounds, your wife may not want to listen to you anymore and that is why she loses her temper or raises her voice while talking to you.

Anger Issues

Yes anger issues actually exist. It is not the same as the natural anger one faces. Anger is an important human emotion that is necessary for society to function as a whole. Anger expresses your displeasure or disappointment in someone or something signalling for immediate improvement or changes. Anger is also a sign that you disapprove of something and it should be stopped. If people could not be angry then things would continue in ways that are unsatisfactory for them.

However, anger can become a dangerous emotion if it is frequent, uncontrolled or excessive. It can be inward which means towards oneself or outward, that is it is directed towards others. In your husband’s case, it could be outward and hence he resorts to verbal or physical expressions of it hence you see his anger outbursts. This is not healthy behavior and can have detrimental effects on the person who experiences these anger issues and others around him.

There are a number of signs or symptoms of anger issues such as:

  • Are hurting others either verbally or physically
  • Always find yourself feeling angry
  • Feel that your anger is out of control
  • Frequently regret something you’ve said or done when angry
  • Notice that small or petty things make you angry
  • Raising Your Voice

Hence, this could be one of the reasons why your wife raises her voice when talking to you! She is actually unable to control the anger in her and it comes out in this unfortunate manner!

Emotional Instability

Your spouse may be suffering from emotional instability in which they are not able to control their emotions and how they express them. This could be the result of past problems, mental health problems or the effects of medicines. Nonetheless, the result is they face emotional instability or heightened emotional arousal which they have an urge to express.

Hurt & Upset With You

One of the common reasons why your wife may be raising her voice with you is because you somehow upset her or hurt her. She may not want to tell you explicitly and this may be her way of trying to get your attention.

Be smart and find out why she is hurt rather than directly asking her. She wants you to be aware of who she is and what makes her happy and equally importantly, what makes her sad. If you can’t do that much do you really deserve her?

Asserting Dominance – Wants To Be In Control

Relationships are tough especially when they are with the wrong person who is not ready to be as sincere or honest as you are. Some people want to have the upper hand in a relationship. When it comes to marriage, it is a partnership and not a relation where there is a power dynamic that needs to be won. Most of the things are done out of compassion and not duty. So, it is possible your wife raises her voice with you because she wants to assert her dominance and gain the upper edge.


This article looked at the reasons why someone’s wife may resort to raising their voice in even a simple, everyday conversation. The article explained a number of reasons and also highlighted the importance of communication in relationships and especially in marriage and how it affects men and women. 


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