My wife is always angry and negative (5 tips)
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
If your wife is always angry and negative, then there’s definitely going to be a reason for this.
In this article we try to understand the reasons behind this, how to make things better, or go back to normal. And how to improve the stability of a relationship. All of which takes time, energy and effort.
These are the topics we will be covering :
- Why is my wife angry and negative?
- How to make things better?
- Tips to improve stability of the relationship
Why is my wife angry and negative ?
Your wife may be angry and negative for the following :
- An unresolved issue from the past
- Lack of attention
- Overwhelmed by work
- Insecurity
- Bodily changes
- Feeling unloved
- Lack of appreciation
- Family issues
- Mental health issues
Unresolved issues
You might feel like you’re doing everything right as a husband. You might even be a really good life partner. But all of us make mistakes unknowingly sometimes. You could have done so as well.
Ofcourse, this doesn’t mean your wife gets to make you feel horrible. But each one has their own way of reacting. If your wife has been excessively negative it might be because she’s piled up her emotions instead of letting you know.
Create an environment that encourages your wife to let you know what’s bothering her, or what’s on her mind. Let her just vent her heart out.
Lack of attention
As the course of our lives carry on we might fall short in providing attention to our partner.
For women things carry a lot of weightage. They notice every small change in your behaviour and try to establish the reason behind it.
Especially if your wife is a homemaker, she might feel caged and low when you aren’t providing enough attention.
Overwhelmed by work
Your wife might be overwhelmed by all the work she has to do at home and at her work place. If she’s a homemaker than this can also be taxing in the long run.
Sometimes it becomes difficult to be on top of every task and yet be a role model of the people around you, all while being positive and smiling.
Your wife in this case probably needs a break or a vacation. To unwind relax, and get some time for herself.
Insecurity
Women are forever subjected to external standards of beauty. As you begin to get comfortable in your marriage, your wife might start feeling insecure about the way she looks.
If you haven’t been paying attention to her and providing compliments, this might also cause her to feel like you’re losing interest as well.
Compliments on the long run can act as “immunity” against hurdles in a relationship. They help in reminding your wife about your love and affection for her.
Bodily changes
As you know, women go through bodily changes throughout their lives. At every stage they’re going through hormone shifts and changes.
Especially after becoming a mother, their appearance, their body, everything changes. This is all alot to adapt to and might cause alot of trouble.
It can get frustrating especially when there is so much judgement being passed.
Feeling unloved
A deadly thing in every relationship is getting too comfortable and slacking as a husband. It’s extremely important to remember that you need to constantly nurture your relationship.
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that the romance can die. It’s still important to do small things for your wife, make sure she knows you still have the same love for her.
If your issue is that she is negative so how could you feel love for her? Then you need to confront her in a respectable manner. Let her know that you’re willing to do anything to fix this.
Lack of appreciation
Here’s something that women feel constantly. With everything they have to manage, home, work, kids, family. They do feel that they’re not getting appreciated enough.
This causes them to becomes frustrated and angry constantly. Make sure to let your wife know that you are noticing every little thing she does for you and your family.
It’s upto you to make her feel appreciated. But if you feel like you’re not recieving the same from her, let her know. Often what happens is that, men tend to fall short in expressing their emotions. This causes the distance to grow between husband and wife.
Know that expressing your emotions only makes your relationship stronger. Sometimes being vulnerable is good, it helps your partner know that you’re not as perfect.
Family issues
As you know a marriage is not just the union of two people, but of two families. Your wife might be facing certain family issues as she tries to maintain a balance.
It can be difficult to let you know about these issues and she probably wants to be sensitive and not want to cause any harm.
Mental health issues
Mental health issues aren’t taken very seriously as they should. Most people and families think that having a baby can fix any issue in a marriage.
This is absolutely wrong and dangerous, especially for the child. The baby will be born into a negative atmosphere filled with turmoil.
If your wife has been having issues, you can suggest counselling. Maybe even couple’s counselling incased she’s worried about facing it alone.
How to make things better ?
If your wife is angry and negative all the time here are a few things you can do to make it better :
- Plan small dates every week.
You can plan dates where you’ll go for lunch or dinner and indulge in a movie or even a casual stroll around the city. Instead of trying to replace time with materialistic things, give your wife the energy and effort she deserves.
- Provide a safe space for her
Give your wife the safe space she needs to vent her feelings to you. Let her know that you’re there to listen to her and you can do so with no judgement.
- Write your feelings down
If communicating fact-to-face is difficult and intimating, as you feel the conversation always derails, try to writing down your feelings in a letter.
- Have a mediator
Sometimes it might be difficult to communicate with your wife when there’s alot of tension between you both.
It might be helpful to have a trusted common friend as a mediator. But this can get tricky and messed up. That’s why it’s necessary to have a counsellor as a mediator.
Tips to improve stability
Relationships aren’t always going to be smooth. You and your wife are going to have ups and downs constantly.
You need to pay attention as to when these problems turn into issues that don’t die down easily. If a certain problem comes up in every fight , then pick up the sign that you have not resolved that problem as yet.
Every Time you do have a disagreement with your wife, remember that you both are a team. It’s always both of you against the problem , and not against each other. Keep this in mind even when you’re arguing.
Fights are always necessary to make the relationship stronger. However this is only true as long as you come out stronger from a fight with better awareness about your relationship.
Always aim at having respectable communication. The moment respect leaves a relationship, it can be very difficult to gain it back.
Even in a fight, always remember to respect each other. This means avoid :
- Slangs
- Insults
- Using ones shortcomings against eachother
- Gaslighting
- Manipulation
- Bringing in loved ones
- Belittling eachother
- Belittling eachother’s work
Conclusion
If your wife was happy and fine before, but she’s angry and negative recently, then obviously something has caused this to happen. You would have to look back and internally to understand where this is coming from. But don’t be fooled that you can solve this on your own. You would definitely need her help as well. A relationship always requires effort from both people.
If you have any queries or questions please drop them in the comment section below.
FAQs- My wife is negative and angry
How do guys feel when a girl is mad at them?
Guys often feel uncomfortable when girls express strong emotions. The rise in emotional tension often makes them feel uncomfortable.
What mental illness causes anger?
The mental illness that causes anger is Intermittent explosive disorder, or IED. This is characterized by sudden bursts of anger
What women need in a man?
The things that a woman looks for are, a man who is honorable, ethical and fair. Having strong principles and integrity usually makes a relationship stronger.
What do men want in a woman?
Men want a woman who will be faithful, trustworthy and reliable as a life partner.
Why do guys get angry so easily?
Men get angry easily when they partner express alot of emotions. In the sense that they are overly expressive. Since men are often brought up in a society that doesn’t encourage expression of emotions, the only way they know to express themselves is through anger.
References
https://www.apa.org/monitor/dec01/badmarriage.html