My partner doesn’t want sex (5 Key tips)

It can be frustrating when your partner doesn’t want sex. This is also a sensitive topic that needs a keen eye. 

In this article we will be looking at the reasons behind why your partner doesn’t want sex. How to uncover or understand these reasons. Also on how to arrive at a middle ground where you both can feel comfortable. And thirdly how to deal with intimacy issues in a relationship. 

The topics we will be covering in this article are : 

  • Why doesn’t your partner want sex?
  • Arriving on the same page 
  • Intimacy issues in a relationship

Why doesn’t your partner want sex ? 

Your partner might not want to have sex for a number of reasons. Here are a few: 

  • Past experience with sex
  • Traumatic experience with sex 
  • Shy to express one’s likes and dislikes
  • Poor self confidence
  • Vaginismus 
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Religious beliefs
  • Partner Isn’t ready for sex
  • Your partner has different needs 
  • Mental health issues

Past experience with sex 

Not alot of people have good sexual experiences. And most first time sexual experiences are either without consent, traumatic and not pleasant and definetly painful. 

Incase your partner is hesitant and even defensive about sex , maybe there’s an underlying cause for this. You need to be patient in this case, be a friend more than a partner. Don’t let your frustration get in the way, show your parther that you are there for them, and allow them the space and time to open up. 

Traumatic experience with sex

We are all aware of the rape, and sexual assault cases we hear everyday. These cases lead to trauma and this trauma could become post-traumatic stress disorder ( PTSD), if it’s left untreated. 

PTSD can be managed as long as you have the right support and help. Triggers in a person’s surroundings can worsen PTSD. 

For those who have had a traumatic sexual experience any form of intimacy or even touch might be triggering and extremely stressful. 

Shy to express one’s likes and dislikes 

People always have preferences when it comes to sex and any other form of intimacy. Poor communication in a relationship might prove to be a hurdle when it comes to intimacy. 

Having a conversation with your partner to understand their likes and dislikes is necessary. It’s also important because sometimes what might not seem to be a problem for you, might be a dislike for your partner. Thus, it’s extremely important to communicate and give your partner the platform to share their experience as well. 

Poor self confidence

Sex can be a stressful experience for most people. A lack of confidence can really affect an individual’s performance in bed. 

This inturn would make them conscious when it comes to sex. And this proves to be a vicious cycle as it again ends up affecting their sexual experience.

Body shaming is considered to be one of the biggest reasons for low self -confidence especially when it comes to intimacy.

What do you do about this? 

If this is the reason why your partner doesn’t want sex, it’s upto you to make them feel accepted in their own skin. You need to let them know that their personality matters more than their looks and that’s what you’re attracted to. 

If this is not something you can tell your partner, then maybe this is not the relationship for you. 


This is when the body reacts out of fear to some or all types of vaginal penetration. In some cases this is a naturally occuring condition, however this might happen after an encounter with a traumatic sexual experience. 

Vaginismus can be treated with medical attention however along with this, therapy or counselling is also needed. It usually helps when there is support from the partner as well. 

Erectile dysfunction

This is a medical condition that men experience, in this case they aren’t able to achieve an erection, or aren’t able to sustain an erection for successful intercourse. 

This is also commonly treated medically. However sometimes the cause for this can be stress and other mental health conditions. In which case counselling is definitely the way to go. 

Due to the stigma around sex, and especially on the stereotypical expectations when it comes to men, erectile dysfunction can be embarrassing. 

It’s however important to let your partner know that this is normal and can be fixed with professional help. 

Religious beliefs

Certain people might refrain from sex due to religion and other such spiritual beliefs. In this case it becomes important to make a call on your own. 

If indeed sex is a priority for you and your partner isn’t willing to compromise on their sexual beliefs, then this is probably a relationship that you need to move on from. 

On the other hand, if you do believe that sex isn’t a priority and you rather be with this person and accept their boundaries, then it’s all well and good as well. However, just make sure to be true to your preferences as well. 

Make sure there is consent 

If your partner isn’t on the same page as you are in the relationship, this could be a problem. You might be ready to take your relationship to the next level, however you need to make sure that your partner is comfortable as well. 

Consent is everything when it comes to sex. Be it when you both are intoxicated, married or completely in love. Make sure you have the green signal, verbally, before you decide to proceed. 

Your partner has different needs

Your partner might have different sexual preferences. In such a case they might be interested in a different gender altogether and are probably nervous to come out regarding this. 

If you have any reason to believe so, then it’s better to switch from being a partner, to being a friend and confidant. 

Mental health issues 

Mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, PTSD can stop and interfere with daily functioning of an individual. 

Especially in depression, a person loses interest in activities and have a persistent low mood. 

This means your partner needs immediate professional help in the form of counselling or therapy. Try not to believe in myths or assumptions, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. 

Arriving on the same page 

After understanding the above reasons, it is upto you and your partner to arrive at the same page and fix your intimacy issues. 

You need to understand the fact that conversation plays a big role in intimacy. 

  • It helps in setting important boundaries.
  • It helps in having a respectful relationship. 
  • It also helps in improving the quality of your sexual life. 
  • The excitement in your sexual life will always be there when you both communicate your needs. 
  • You can always try alternative ways of having a good sexual life. 

Intimacy issues in a relationship

We can all face intimacy issues in a relationship. This usually happens when there are issues that haven’t been addressed and spoken about in the relationship. 

Most of the time this is because of pent up emotions, anger, frustration and so on. Make it a point to speak about how you’re feeling regarding your intimacy, and try to find the source of these problems. 


If your partner doesn’t want sex, it can be for a multitude of reasons. However, every relationship requires constant work from both individuals. That needs to be seen as a team work instead of something you blame each other for. Take out the time to communicate with each other and all will be fine. 

If you have any questions and queries please drop them in the comment section below. 

FAQs- My partner doesn’t want to have sex

Is it normal for couples to not want sex?

No its not normal for couples to not want sex. When it comes to sex, nothing is normal. Most people consider sex less than 6 times a year to be a sexless relationship. 

Why is my partner not interested in me sexually? 

If your partner is not interested in you sexually, it could be because of stress, depression or other medical reasons. 

Can a relationship last without sex? 

Yes, a relationship can last without sex if this is something that has been decided by both partners. However if both partners aren’t in agreement, then this could result in frustration, resentment and so on. 

Why do men lose interest in sex?

Men may lose interest innsex because there’s a gradual decrease of libido as they age. The decline in libido varies from age to age. Depression, stress, erectile dysfunction can also play a role. 

How often should couples have sex? 

Couples should have sex atleast once a week, this is a common basline. This usually decreases once couples reach the age of 50-60 years. 


Was this post helpful?

[Sassy_Social_Share type="standard"]