My Partner Doesn’t Love Me (5 ways to deal with it)

This blog discusses the problem “My Partner Doesn’t Love Me” and covers topics like what to do when your partner doesn’t love you, signs that show that there’s no love left, and a case study that depicts different experiences of women who have gone through the same problem. 

Why Doesn’t Your Partner Love You?

Your partner most likely doesn’t love you because they might have their own insecurities that are stopping them from loving you. Every relationship takes two people to work; if it is one-sided problems are meant to occur. 

When a person feels like they’re not loved, they start doubting themselves and feel like they lack something. However, if they haven’t said it out loud, you shouldn’t assume where you stand with them.

Following are some signs that indicate that your partner likes you but might not be in “love” with you yet:

  • You’re still not sure about their feelings for you
  • They’re still figuring out where it goes
  • They haven’t introduced you to their family as yet
  • They overlook the small things
  • You don’t feel emotionally connected to them
  • They don’t make efforts to fix problems that happen in the relationship

Your relationship doesn’t necessarily have to end if you think your partner isn’t in love with you. If your significant other is ready to work on it, the relationship can be recovered.

It is unfair to think that the intensity of love will remain constant throughout your life, circumstances can affect your or their love. Now it should be a mutual decision whether you both want to look into it and find a solution or part ways. 

Their love for you may have decreased over time because maybe you have changed without realizing? Or maybe they’re going through a bad phase in life? Maybe the love is still there but due to the present conditions you both have been pulled apart.

So before predicting that there’s no love left between you two, you need to think thoroughly keeping in mind all the possibilities that may cause the problem.

What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Love You?

Following are the things that you can do to fix this problem

Identify What Has Changed

If you’re concerned that your partner has lost interest in you, the first step is to understand where this story is coming from. What are the dynamics in the connection that you’ve noticed? 

What are the feelings you’re having, and what behaviours are causing them? Figure out where these feelings are coming from and if this is a real or perceived change and try to think of tangible situations that show the changes you’re experiencing. 

Talk To Your Partner About It

When you think the problem is getting out of hand, talk it out. Bring this to your partner’s attention and tell them what you’re feeling.

This will help you to figure out whether what you think is just an assumption or is it really something that needs to be fixed. Before pointing fingers at them, make sure you’ve communicated the issue with them. 

Decide What You Want To Do Next

Once you’ve discussed the problem with your partner, you both can finally come to a mutual decision. It will give you a clarity whether your partner is willing to make efforts or isn’t invested in the relationship anymore.

Now it’s up to you how you want to proceed with things. Put yourself first and think if you really want to make it work. If it’s disturbing your mental health, it’s better to let go. 

Work With A Therapist

If you find it hard to come to a mutual decision or are unable to communicate your concern to your partner, you can always opt for professional help. 

A marriage therapist can help you and your partner to take a fresh start and save your relationship.

Make Small Changes Together

Once you’re both on the same page and agree to save your relationship then start taking small steps towards change as a couple e.g. refurbish feelings of intimacy and affection in the relationship.

Keep in mind that this requires a lot of patience from both sides so if you want your partner to make efforts to make you feel loved make sure you’re doing the same.

Research

A research was done where different women shared their experiences and gave their two-cents on what to do if you feel like your partner has stopped loving you.

These women state that even though it is natural to jump to conclusions and become anxious that your relationship is in danger, you need to understand that the signs that your partner doesn’t love you are vague and each case is different.  

Following are some tips that these women have given based on their experiences:

Understand That People Have Different Love Languages

No two persons can be alike, everyone has their own way of thinking, has different experiences and performs different behaviors based on those experiences.

For instance, if you’re affectionate and you’ve always seen your parents like that while growing up, it doesn’t mean your partner might have the same experience. 

He/She might have a traumatic childhood which is why their way of loving might be different than yours. So you need to think this through before accusing them of not loving you. 

Remember That Little Things Matter

Partners should depict their love for each other in more than one way like supporting each other in your everyday life. 

Even if one of you has achieved something small, celebrate it. Make them feel special. Tell them you’re proud of them, these little things go a long way in a relationship.

Determine Whether Or Not It’s An Issue Of Investment

Make sure you both are equally investing in a relationship. You need to set your boundaries from the very first day and your partner must know about them. 

If there’s inequality in a relationship or if only efforts are being made from one side, you might start having self-esteem issues later on when you don’t get the same from your partner.

Don’t Keep A Scorecard

Remember love is not a competition, you don’t need to keep a score of who’s doing what more, just love each other deeply. Love should be felt and seen.

However, the way you manifest it to each other is always different; it’s acknowledged and reciprocated.

Take Note Of How You Benefit Each Other’s Lives

You both must have an impact on each other’s lives in a positive way. If you don’t grow in a relationship, it isn’t a healthy relationship.

For example, you both being supportive of each other’s life-decisions can be beneficial for you both as individuals so make sure you have a list of things that your partner does that benefit your life. 

Accept That You’re Going To Have ‘On’ Days And ‘Off’ Days

You shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations from a relationship because no relationship grows stronger without the ups and downs. It’s about how you both face those ups and downs as a couple.

You should understand that there will be days you won’t be feeling good and you might want your partner to be around or might not. Same goes for your partner.

They’ll have bad days too and they might not want to be with you on those days so make sure you’re able to understand them and give them their space. 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): My Partner Doesn’t Love Me

What should I do if I feel like my girlfriend doesn’t love me anymore?

Sometimes people’s feelings change and relationships grow apart. This could also be due to differences between you two, maybe she doesn’t feel like you’re the right man for her any more. 

It’s hard to accept that your partner has stopped loving you but you have to respect their decision. Relationships can’t work forcefully. You can try to recover it by talking to her about it but chances are less that it will be saved 

How can you stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you?

Life is short so why waste it on someone who doesn’t value you or your feelings? Focus on your own goals and things you want to achieve in life. Start ticking off stuff from our bucket list.

Give your love and attention to yourself before giving it to someone else, especially to someone who doesn’t know your worth. You will eventually get someone who’s going to treat you right so stop worrying about that and love yourself.

References

Kirby, S. (2021). What Should I Do If My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Anymore? Retrieved from https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/what-should-i-do-if-my-wife-doesnt-love-me-anymore/

Gonsalves, K. (2020). What To Do If You Think Your Husband Isn’t In Love With You + 38 Signs To Look For. Retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/signs-your-husband-isnt-in-love-with-you

Pawlik-Kienlen, L. How to Cope When He Says “I Don’t Love You Anymore.” Retrieved from https://blossomtips.com/how-to-cope-when-he-says-hes-not-in-love-with-you/

Jalili, C. & Fox, C. (2021). 10 women weigh in on what to do when your partner isn’t invested enough. Elite Daily. Retrieved from https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/signs-he-doesnt-love-you-enough

“15 painful signs he doesn’t love you anymore.” The Daily Spice. Retrieved from https://thedailyspice.com/signs-he-doesnt-love-you-anymore/

Fellizar, K. (2018). 7 Signs Your Partner Likes You, But May Not Be In Love With You. Bustle. Retrieved from https://www.bustle.com/p/7-signs-your-partner-likes-you-but-may-not-be-in-love-with-you-9162068

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