My Partner Doesn’t Like My Son (11 Solutions)

This blog will discuss the problem “My Partner Doesn’t Like My Son” and covers topics like signs that show your partner doesn’t like your son and ways to deal with the situation. 

Why Doesn’t My Partner Like My Son?

Your partner probably doesn’t like your son because they might not have a good experience with kids previously or they might have a childhood trauma of their own which makes it hard for them to have a liking towards children.

Dating after you have a child can be a task. Finding someone and getting into a relationship with them itself is a difficult thing to do. 

Hence, finding someone who also likes to spend time with your child can be a painful process.

You must ask your kids first before dating, it is important that you have that conversation with your child so that you’re both on the same page. 

Similarly, you should also communicate your expectations and concerns to your partner beforehand. 

What Are The Signs That Show Your Partner Doesn’t Like Your Son?

Communication Breakdown 

If your partner struggles while talking to your kid and you notice that there are painfully awkward exchanges, confusion, misunderstandings between them or if they don’t communicate at all. 

You must know this is a bad sign.

Lack of Care or Consideration

If they only make efforts to keep you happy and avoid showing affection to your kid and get angry if you voice out your concern. 

It is definitely a warning sign.

Dodgy Behaviour

If you notice that they don’t spend time with your kid and look for ways to dodge the situations where they might have to, this is a red flag.

Hoarding Time 

If spending time with your son bothers your partner and they try to stop you, it is a major problem that you should take notice of. 

“Us” vs. “Them” 

If they try to convince you that you should prefer your romantic relationship with them over your parental one.

This is again a warning sign. 

Lack of Empathy

If they don’t understand your child’s feelings and are unable to look at things from your child’s perspective, you should be concerned.

They “Just Don’t Like Kids”

It’s fine if someone doesn’t like children in general, it’s understandable. But if someone happens to already have one and if they don’t like them, problems will be created.

Would you really want your son to interact with a person who doesn’t like them, that too a person who is supposed to be their caretaker. 

If Your Kids Don’t Like Them

You must listen to what your kid feels about your partner and how your relationship is affecting them. 

If your son doesn’t like your partner, you must be able to figure out whether they’re just saying that to wreck your relationship because it bothers them or if there really is a problem that they’re facing.

Gut Feelings

Always trust your intuition. If you sense that something’s off or problematic, you must pay attention to your instincts and come to a conclusion.

What Are The Ways To Deal With The Situation?

Starting a relationship all over again especially once you have kids is hard. 

You find someone you think is perfect for you and the next thing you know is that they don’t like your kid. 

This could take a toll on your relationship as well as your own mental health.

However, there are some ways you can opt for if you still want this relationship to work out.

Consider Your Partner’s  History With Kids

You should know whether your partner has kids of his own or not or if he has been in a relationship with a woman with a kid before. 

If yes, how was he in those situations? 

Men usually know that the way to a woman’s heart who has kids is to like their kid and be nice to them. 

However, it is likely that after some time has passed, they start showing their true colours and admit that they dislike your kid.

So it is important that you consider your partner’s history with kids and then determine whether they’ll be good to your child or not.

Figure Out The Actual Issue

Ask yourself this question: What made me conclude that my partner doesn’t like my son? What exactly has he done that you’re feeling this way?

You must find out the real reason for their behaviour before assuming things. Maybe you paying attention to your kids over them makes them jealous?

Maybe your partner has their own insecurities and those insecurities are triggered when they see you with your child? 

Talk To Him 

In continuation to the previous point, if you can’t figure out the reason on your own, talk to your partner about it.

Tell them how you feel and what reasons you think are causing the problem and then let them speak. 

It will definitely be hard for you to initiate this conversation but it is important that you clear your mind before taking things forward.

Talk To Someone He Respects

If talking to him directly doesn’t help, you can try talking to someone he knows and respects; his family or a close friend 

If your partner’s close to this person, they might even be able to tell you things from your partner’s past that could help you in understanding the situation better.

Arrange For Them To Spend Time Together

Another way you can try to get your partner and kid to bond with each other is to arrange activities that they could do together.

Figure out what they both would enjoy doing together and then give them that time to spend together.

This wouldn’t make them fall in love with each other instantly but there’s no harm in trying.

Never Let Him Assume A Disciplinarian Role

You are more than capable of disciplining your own children, despite what society would have you believe. 

It’s entirely up to you whether you believe the idealised story that youngsters require a male presence to behave. 

You shouldn’t let someone else tell you how to raise your child. 

However, studies reveal that the most common cases of child maltreatment and abuse occur in households with a boyfriend or stepfather.

So it is better that you don’t give your partner any sort of authority over your son. 

He should be allowed to support you in making the rules but shouldn’t impose them on your child without your consent.

Try Family Counselling

If your partner really loves you and is willing to put in the effort, anything can change. 

If he’s ready to give in to your happiness, you all can try taking therapy to make things work.

Seek Spiritual Intervention

If you’re a person who is religious, spiritual intervention can also work for you. 

Praying about it and seeking help from your spiritual leader can help you make a final decision.

Meditation and some thorough soul-searching can also help.

Set Boundaries

You must put some boundaries in place to avoid the negative effects your kid might face because of your partner.

Let him know what is not acceptable to do around them, and be firm in implementing them.

For example, your partner should know that they’re not allowed to yell at your child or talk to them in a derogatory manner, no matter what.

Keep Both Relationships Separated

You could try living two lives, but I’m not sure how long you’ll be able to do so. 

As a single parent, it’s probably how you begin your relationship, keeping the man away from your child.

Make A Decision

You’ll always be pulled apart as long as both of them don’t get along and it will affect both relationships.

Now it is for you to decide. You may have feelings for your partner but your son is also your responsibility. 

If you’ve tried everything and even if therapy doesn’t help, don’t deceive yourself by trying to make something work that is beyond repair.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): My Partner Doesn’t Like My Son 

What do you do when your child doesn’t like your boyfriend?

First off, you have a conversation with your child to figure out why they dislike your boyfriend. 

A lot times kids feel this way because they fear that your attention will get divided. So, assure them that won’t happen.

What if my family doesn’t like my boyfriend?

If you’re sure about your partner and if you think you’ve made the right choice then your family’s input on who you should date shouldn’t matter.

You’re an adult and are mentally capable of making your own decisions so try and help your family to see your boyfriend’s good qualities and how he makes you happy.

Should my boyfriend discipline my child?

Your terms and conditions on how to raise your child is wholly your right. So if you’re okay with your partner taking the disciplinarian role then that’s fine. 

If not, you can just have him back you up on the rules, while you enforce them. 

References

Maccario, A. My Boyfriend Hates My Kids (11 Ways To Deal With The Situation). Ask April. Retrieved from https://askapril.com/my-boyfriend-hates-my-kids/

Fonté, A. (2020). 9 Signs Your New Boyfriend or Girlfriend Doesn’t Like Your Kids. Retrieved from https://pairedlife.com/problems/new-boyfriend-doesnt-accept-my-children

Lavery, D. M. (2021) Help! My Boyfriend Just Admitted He Doesn’t Like My Kids. Retrieved from https://slate.com/human-interest/2021/04/boyfriend-doesnt-like-my-kids-should-we-move-in-together-dear-prudence-advice.amp

Mccollum, K. My Fiance’ Doesn’t Like My Son. Retrieved from https://herviewfromhome.com/my-fiance-doesnt-like-my-son/

Noel, S. (2017). Help! My Partner Doesn’t Seem to Like My Child. Good Therapy. Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/help-my-partner-doesnt-seem-to-like-my-child/amp/

Poirot, L. (2018). I Didn’t Want to Break Up With My Boyfriend, But I Did It For My Kids. Retrieved from https://www.parents.com/parenting/divorce/dating/i-didnt-want-to-break-up-with-my-boyfriend-but-i-did-it-for-my-kids/