My Partner Can’t Say I Love You
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
There could be hurdles to overcome for people who find it hard to express their love. Many may not even have anything to do with you. In this article we will discuss why your partner can’t say they love you.
Why can’t your partner say they love you?
Of all the possible reasons why your partner can’t say they love you, here are a few we’ll be diving into.
- They are not ready
- They are waiting for you to say it first
- They are not comfortable with vocalising their emotions
- They have been rejected before
- They are keeping you at a distance
- They fear the expectations that come along with it
- They are not in love with you
- They are dealing with personal issues
- They want to live up to what ‘I love you’ means
- They tell you in their own way
How do you know when a person doesn’t love you?
Here are some simple ways, apart from your own gut feeling, to spot that a person doesn’t love you.
- There’s lack of communication in the relationship
- They find excuses to avoid you
- They are secretive about their lives
- They get angry without any solid reason
- They give you little to no attention
- They do not bother to remember special events or moments
- They are curt with you
- They couldn’t care less about your feelings
How do you deal with saying I love you and not hearing it back?
Not hearing ‘I love you’ back from a partner can be a bummer, but just because you found the courage to say it doesn’t mean that you are entitled to. Here’s how you deal with the situation in that case.
- Get immersed in your everyday routine
- Be true to yourself
- Don’t chase after them to say it
- Stop mulling over why they didn’t
- Recognise that they are still in your life and a big part of it
- Try to understand your own need to hear it
- Think about it from their perspective
How do you know if your partner loves you without them saying it?
We know that talk is cheap and while it is nice to hear the actual words, there are many ways in which you can know if your partner loves you without them saying it.
- They are protective of you
- They are there for you without any hesitation
- You are included in all of their major life decisions
- They make plans for the future with you
- They want to spend time with you in close proximity
- They notice even the smallest things about you
- They go out of their way to do things for you
When someone says they love you, they are expressing a great deal. They aren’t merely fond of you. They aren’t merely glad to be in your presence. They genuinely care about you, they have a close bond with you, and they want you to know it.
Hearing those three tiny words in a relationship is nothing short of elating and soothing.
What if your partner, on the other hand, doesn’t say them? Is it reasonable to be concerned, or is it conceivable that your relationship is still okay despite the fact that they haven’t?
The response may be contingent on the phase of your relationship and your level of familiarity with one another. Consider whether you truly need them to speak the words to know they care about you.
Why can’t your partner say they love you?
They are not ready
It’s critical to explore the possibility that your partner is just not ready to tell you they love you since they haven’t reached that point as of now.
When it comes to proclaiming romantic sentiments for a partner, every relationship grows at its own speed, and there is no one single timeline that everyone in a relationship must adhere to.
Some individuals declare their love after three months of dating, while others wait a year to speak these three significant words. Rushing someone may be counterproductive.
Your partner can’t say they love you if they are not quite there yet.
They are waiting for you to say it first
When you proclaim you love someone, especially for the first time, there’s a lot of pressure and expectations that come with it.
Being in a relationship with a person who believes they can fall in love doesn’t indicate their significant other feels the same way or wants to show it.
When someone says “I love you,” they usually expect to hear “I love you, too.” If they don’t receive a response that expresses the same attitude, they may feel rejected and withdraw.
Maybe that’s why your partner can’t say they love you; they are waiting to hear it from you first.
They are not comfortable with vocalising their emotions
If you’ve told your partner you love them but they haven’t responded, it’s worth seeking for an explanation in the gentlest, non-judgmental, and non-accusatory manner possible.
Enquire about what those three words mean to them. Find out whether they have a problem expressing their love to people in general, such as relatives and friends, or if it’s only about dating or your relationship.
It’s likely that your partner grew up in a home where showing love was not encouraged or practised, which is why they are uncomfortable with it and can’t say they love you.
They have been rejected before
If they have had a bad experience expressing it in the past, which has nothing to do with you, your partner can’t say they love you.
Maybe those sentiments were rejected and unrequited the last time. As a result, their terror to express them now is understandable.
Even if you’ve already expressed your feelings to them, facing that type of rejection even once may have made them reluctant to say it again.
If this is the case, you should make your partner feel reassured and cherished, and then wait for them to come around to saying ‘I love you’ without any pressure.
They are keeping you at a distance
When your partner can’t say they love you, ask them why and if they don’t try to give you a fair answer and instead try to avoid the matter, it’s a red flag.
After being in a steady relationship with you (more so if it has been a long period of time) and not being able to profess their love for no apparent reason, it’s possible that they have their guard up.
You must evaluate the fact that they are emotionally cut off and what this means for your relationship. There’s no need for you to settle after you’ve said ‘I love you’ and received nothing in return.
They fear the expectations that come along with it
Unnecessary expectations can be the most dangerous to relationships because they displace clear dialogue with hidden assumptions, which may explain why your partner can’t say they love you.
Many people link uttering those three words with the beginning of new obligations they aren’t prepared to meet. Some are just terrified of what those ideals could be, so they prefer to make matters as stress-free as possible.
This does not imply that your partner won’t offer you all you want. They may actually already be offering you more than you expected but prefer to show their love using actions rather than making elaborate proclamations.
They are not in love with you
Fabulous moments, passionate kisses, and intimate lovemaking don’t always equate being in love, just as you might love someone without any of those things.
It’s easy to presume that someone who often pours their heart out to you without desiring anybody else is in love with you, but that may not be the case.It is conceivable, though, for someone to reveal practically every detail of their life with you without it.
Your partner can’t say they love you just because you want them to. What you need to figure out is if they are closed to the idea of loving you or whether they’re just a late bloomer in that regard.
They are dealing with personal issues
Has your partner been dealing with personal issues? Perhaps your significant other is preoccupied with something vastly consequential.
They may be too emotionally stressed and depleted to express sentiments of love for you if they are coping with a family situation, are swamped by a big project, or are concerned dearly with the welfare of a friend.
Even if they truly do, your partner can’t say they love you when they’re dealing with other challenges and trying to handle all of this on their plate along with the emotional upheaval from you.
They want to live up to what ‘I love you’ means
Being in love means different things to different people. Your partner may equate telling you they adore you with choices they aren’t ready for or feelings they haven’t encountered yet.
The more upstanding your partner is, the more vital it is for them to believe that they can live up to their own idea of what it means to say I love you. Your partner can’t say they love you just for the sake of it.
Rather than dismissing their thought process, find out what declaring love means to them directly. It will give you insight into the emotional commitment they require to produce those three words.
They tell you in their own way
While having your partner say I love you may make the world of a difference to you, they may not say these wonderful words because they believe their feelings of love and commitment are obvious to you.
In their view, they express their love for you through the things they do, such as sending texts every morning, surprising you with presents and spending as much time with you as possible.
This is how they communicate their affections for you; it’s their love language and these actions are just as powerful for them as expressing the mere words.
Your partner may not be able to say they love you, but they surely demonstrate it to make sure you know they do.
Conclusion:
If you’ve been dating someone for a long time and they still haven’t reciprocated with an ‘I love you’, don’t be afraid to enquire as to what’s keeping them from saying those three little words.
Breaking down that barrier can simply encourage your partner to be more honest with you.
Tell them your worries and if they still refuse to say those words or provide a rationale for why they can’t, it’s time to have a serious talk about your future together.
FAQs: My partner can’t say I love you
What if your partner doesn’t say I love you back?
Maintain your composure. If they don’t say I love you back, don’t become angry with them. Pushing the issue or questioning their response is commonplace, but it might put your partner on the defensive.
Should your partner tell you they love you?
It makes no difference who says ‘I love you’ initially if two individuals love each other. You may still tell your partner how you feel even if you’re not sure if they feel the same way. Still, keep in mind why you’re doing it.
How can you tell if your partner really loves you?
Someone who is truly in love will be concerned about your emotions and well-being. Not only do they have your back, but they probably also love you if they can exhibit empathy or are unhappy when you are upset.
References:
https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/how-long-does-it-take-man-to-say-i-love-you
https://dating.lovetoknow.com/6-sneaky-ways-make-him-say-i-love-you
13 undeniable signs he loves you but is scared to fall for you
Should I Be Worried If He Hasn’t Said I Love You?
