My Partner Can’t Get Over His Ex (3 Tips)
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
It’s never easy to walk away from a relationship that was once thought to be meaningful. Let’s look at what’s on your partner’s mind and why he can’t seem to get over his ex.
Why can’t your partner get over his ex?
Your partner’s inability to move on from his ex could be due to a variety of factors. Here are a handful of them that may help you understand better.
- He didn’t get closure
- He is still in love with his ex
- They were together for very long
- He needs more time
- He thought that relationship was it
- He has residual feelings
- He still feels rejected
- He remembers the good times
- He isn’t ready to go
- He is hurt and confused
How do you tell he’s not over his ex?
A person who hasn’t gotten over their ex reveals several telltale indicators. Here are a few to be on the lookout for.
- Her name is frequently mentioned
- He still appears enraged at his ex
- He’s still grieving over the breakup
- He regards them as one of his closest friends
- He draws parallels between you and them
- He doesn’t invite you to hang out with their common friends
- He is still in touch with their family
- He hasn’t returned their belongings
How do you tell if he still loves his ex?
It’s a big difference between thinking about a prior romance now and then and continually carrying a candle for a past lover. Here’s how to detect if your partner still has feelings for their ex.
- He gets emotional
- He is overjoyed to see his ex
- When it comes to his ex, he has a lot of repressed emotions
- He tries to entice his ex’s attention
- He is still in touch with his ex
- He stalks his ex on social media
How can I make my boyfriend get over his ex?
You can’t make your partner forget about their ex. They must arrive at this conclusion on their own. What you can do is help them feel secure in their current relationship with you by doing the following.
- Allow him to get on at his own pace
- Be his staunchest ally
- Listen to him without lashing out
- Don’t bring up his ex unnecessarily
- Don’t compare yourself to his ex
- Don’t force your relationship to happen
Going through a breakup can knock anyone’s emotional universe off its axis. They hit us all differently and leave an indelible impression on a person’s life.
Before people are ready to totally move on, they could find themselves sobbing hysterically in bed some days and being emotionally spent on others.
They may yearn to be with friends all of the time or withdraw into seclusion, struggle to sleep or never leave the bed, crave casual sex or watch as the desire to do anything fades away.
When going through a break up, a person has to deal with a significant source of physical affection, connection, and mutual concern that they were used to.
What’s worse is that breakups can trigger a shuffle in identity, disrupt internal functioning, and force people to rethink their expectations for the future. All these things can make it difficult for anyone to get over their ex, let alone your partner.
Why can’t your partner get over his ex?
He didn’t get closure
People can become obsessed with their ex-partners for a variety of reasons, particularly if they are unlikely to ever obtain closure. It leaves them unable to comprehend what transpired in their relationship.
It’s possible that your partner can’t get over his ex because it stems from a sense of helplessness and powerlessness.
When someone is hurt, the truth is that they will not like any of the reasons why it occurred. So racking their brains for an explanation won’t benefit your partner anyway.
It’s in their best interests for them to try to let go.
He is still in love with his ex
A connection has two sides: one that is real and one that is imagined. Unfortunately, people tend to cling to the illusion rather than the truth following a breakup.
This fantasy encompasses the connection as well as the individual. If your partner can’t get over his ex, it’s possible that they aren’t objectively reflecting on the relationship and are still in love with them.
They were together for very long
In a relationship, being familiar and being comfortable are two distinct things. Your partner may feel attached to their previous partner because they have known them for a long time.
The duration of the relationship creates a template of what he’s used to, even if it’s not always comfortable. They become blind to the people who may actually be good to them.
Your partner can’t get over his ex because they have had a bond with them for so long. That relationship is almost a part of who they are.
He needs more time
It’s difficult to end a long-term relationship, but getting over your ex-partner is even more challenging. Every day brings up new memories of beautiful moments or terrible disagreements, making living after a breakup feel like a continuous battle.
If it is a recent break up that your partner is reeling from, they may still be heartbroken. They probably started dating again to move past their vulnerability, but find that they can’t get over their ex.
He thought that relationship was it
People frequently lament the potential that existed in their previous relationship. The future your partner envisioned for himself and his ex never materialised.
Unfulfilled expectations of what may have happened with a previous partner, whom he may have considered a soulmate during their relationship, keep flashing through his mind.
They may be completely unaware of this because it could be part of his subconscious thoughts.
If he reminisces about daydreams inspired by lingering ‘if only’ ideas, it may be why your partner can’t get over his ex.
He has residual feelings
It’s critical to comprehend your partner’s feelings for his ex. This does not mean that he wants to reconcile; there could be a variety of reasons why his ex is still on his mind.
It’s possible that they’ve been together for so long that they’ve developed a habit of thinking about their previous partner. Maybe your partner can’t get over his ex because he is still angry about how the relationship ended.
It may take some time for him to become indifferent to his ex’s existence, but when they do, it won’t pique his interest anymore.
He still feels rejected
After a relationship ends, most people will ultimately heal, especially if both parties want to split. Unfortunately, it’s a different situation if one partner leaves while the other remains strongly engaged.
After a breakup, the agony of being the rejected partner can be terrible. Your partner can’t get over his ex because even though the relationship ended, his pain remains.
Though you’re in a relationship with him, your partner may suffer from everlasting anguish, relentless pessimism, and a growing worry that you’ll abandon him as well.
He remembers the good times
It’s okay for your partner to reflect on the past or the memories made with an ex, unless he is pretending to move on while already in a relationship with you.
Your spouse may adore you, but if he keeps reminiscing about the good times he had with his ex-girlfriend, he hasn’t really moved on.
Have a hard conversation about why your partner can’t get over his ex and think about what you want to do.
He isn’t ready to let go
People who are more vulnerable have a proclivity to hurry into new relationships. If he’s trying to do that with you, it’s possible he still has feelings for his ex and is trying to recreate that experience with you.
That’s not ideal, but it’s also not okay if your partner eventually realises he can’t get over his ex, which is sometimes the case in this scenario.
Your partner can’t get over his ex, if he isn’t ready to detach from them completely.
He is hurt and confused
Your partner can’t get over his ex if he is still hurt and confused over their breakup. If he has not had any clarity and was dumped out of the blue, he may still have questions that have been left unanswered.
This confusion and disrespect may keep him up at night. What he needs to realise is that the best thing to heal from the pain of not knowing is to move on. He should instead focus on what he has with you.
Conclusion:
Breakups are one of the most stressful events in an adult’s life, but people continue to pursue new relationships since the benefits outweigh the risks.
Relationships are difficult, and when your partner is upset, he may want to forget about all of your problems and look back on his past through rose-colored glasses.
You have to decide what works for you and if you are okay to be with someone that is hung up on his ex. You owe it to yourself to have an honest conversation about whether or not your partner is as invested in your relationship as you are.
FAQs: My partner can’t get over his ex
What do you say to someone who’s not over their ex?
First, consider what it implies and whether it alters your perspective of them. Then consider your relationship’s future or the potential it had in your imagination. You can then decide on your next line of action.
Should you date someone who isn’t over their ex?
It’s vital that your spouse informs you of everything that’s going on. Ask whether they’re dating you to help them move on from their previous relationship.
If the split is still fresh and the exes are regularly contacting and meeting up without you, you’ll know that the connection is a little too close for comfort.
In the aftermath of a breakup, most people date as a kind of romantic validation, especially if they were the one who was rejected. Consider whether you really want to be in the thick of it all.
How long does a rebound relationship last?
A rebound relationship can last anywhere from a month to a year, depending on how long it takes to realise one’s goals. A rebound relationship may survive longer than planned, if they are completely in denial.
Men, according to statistics, are more likely to rebound than women because they have a harder time recovering from breakups.
References:
https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/why-men-may-make-take-longer-get-over-their-exes-ncna799791
https://www.quora.com/Why-cant-my-boyfriend-get-over-his-ex
https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19966582/not-over-ex/