My Partner Can’t Do Anything Right (3 key tips)
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
In this article we will talk about why you think your partner can’t do anything right and try to understand why that may be.
Why can’t your partner can’t do anything right?
Here are some of the reasons why you may think your partner can’t do anything right.
- They feel constantly criticised by you
- They feel intimidated by you
- They want to do right by you
- They are making up for something
- They just want you to be happy
- You two are not compatible anymore
- They are trying too hard
- You are not appreciative of them
- You no longer want to be in a relationship with them
- You think you are not enough good for them
- Your expectations are too high
How do you know if your partner isn’t right for you?
- There’s a difference in core values between you two
- You have been taken for granted
- You do not feel respected
- Your emotional, mental and physical needs aren’t being taken care of
What are some of the signs that you are not into your partner anymore?
- You are often irritable with them
- You have started working more to avoid them
- You do not include them in your social life
- Their opinion doesn’t matter anymore
- Your sex life is stagnant
- You don’t feel like arguing anymore
What to do if your partner can’t do anything right?
- Sort through your emotions and empathise with them
- Reach out to your partner in a positive way
- Do not cause them unnecessary distress
What to do when your partner doesn’t listen to you?
- Speak concisely without condescension
- Stay on topic and avoid the blame game
- Convey what your feeling honestly
If you feel like your partner can’t do anything right, there’s more to it than meets the eye. Could it be that you are finding faults in everything that they do? If so, you need to take a hard look at why that is.
Lashing out at them and focusing on every mistake they make that may not even be a mistake but just a different viewpoint than yours is cause for concern. Your words and actions have power and then can be disruptive to your partner’s wellbeing.
It’s better to understand why you feel the way you do and speak to them with respect about the actual problem. Walking away from the relationship is advised if you are no longer invested in pursuing a romantic liaison with them.
Why can’t my partner do anything right?
Let’s look at some reasons why you are of the view that your partner can’t do anything right.
They feel constantly criticised by you
Picking on every little mistake or correcting people when you can let things slide can be overwhelming for anyone. Your partner can’t do anything right, if they feel constantly criticised and scrutinised by you.
Condemning everything and rallying against them will not do any good for your relationship. If anything, it will demoralise your partner and emotionally wound them. You do not want to be a cause for their pain, so you have to learn to rein it in.
You do not want your partner to resent you, so choose better ways to get your message across. Communicate without the threat of reprimand and help them see things through your eyes in a calm manner.
They feel intimidated by you
If your partner feels intimidated by you, it may be why they can’t do anything right. This is not to say that you are intimidating. Sometimes people project their own fears onto others and feel overburdened.
Maybe their past can offer some insight into what they are feeling. If they have been subjected to some sort of emotional or physical abuse in the past, they may carry that baggage into your relationship.
Assure them of not being hurt and that they have nothing to worry about when it comes to you. You will see that once your partner has let their guard down and begins to trust you, things will always immediately start getting better.
They want to do right by you
Sometimes in trying the right thing, things go incredibly wrong. A person’s heart may be in the right place, but when it comes to actions, they may miss the mark.
Your partner can’t do anything right because you are not looking at the effort but judging the end result alone. At least give them credit for trying. Wanting to do right by you is good even though things may not go perfectly every time.
Assess the situation for what it is but do commend their effort. Who knows, with a little support from you, they may do better next time!
They are making up for something
When people mess up and then try to clean up that mess, it may not always work out in their favour. If your partner is making up for something they have done to upset you, it could be why it seems like they can’t do anything right.
Admitting your mistake and trying to make things better is not easy. Inevitably there can be room for more error. You may also be in an especially unforgiving mood, which keeps them on edge.
Let bygones be bygones is easier said than done, but give them a chance to turn things around. They may falter but it might prove to be worth it in the end.
They just want you to be happy
Your happiness is up to you, but that does not mean that your partner will stop trying to make you happy, nor should they. In this pursuit of bringing you joy, they may lose sight of what it is that you actually want.
Take for instance, you have been asking them to clean up after themselves and are upset since they haven’t been doing so. To deal with this, they bring you chocolates because they are your favourite.
While it is a sweet gesture on their part, it does not solve anything. Sit down and try to talk it out with them. Communicating and comprehending together may resolve the fact that your partner can’t do anything right.
You two are not compatible anymore
This is a hard pill to swallow, but it may seem like your partner can’t do anything right because both of you are no longer compatible.
Couples drift apart and it’s completely normal for that to happen. You may have changed and they might have too. Reach out to them to re-establish your connection, if that’s what you both want.
While you could always give your relationship a chance again, the only way to do that is to navigate it together.
They are trying too hard
If your partner can’t do anything right, it could be because they are trying too hard to impress you. Keeping their needs aside and prioritising your emotional wants may cause them to mess things up.
While it is lovely to have a supportive partner, they should have a life independent of yours. Paying too much attention to you can come across as clingy and may cause you to get fed up with them.
Having breathing space and respecting boundaries are signs of a healthy relationship. You can do your own hobbies separate from theirs, while they focus on their interests and still have a loving partnership.
You are not appreciative of them
Your partner may appear to not be able to do anything right because you are not appreciative of them. If you constantly look for faults in someone, you are going to find a few.
Give them a break and try to see events from their perspective. Maybe they are doing all they can but you are too focused on having control.
Before we shift blame, it is important that you take a look at things for what they are without any bias or self-victimisation.
You no longer want to be in a relationship
If your partner can’t do anything right, could it be that you no longer want to be romantically involved with them?
They may be the same person you knew, but you may have fallen out of love with them. It happens. Projecting your inability to move on negatively on them, however, is not right.
You could be scared of leaving, which is why you may still be holding on, but it is not healthy to not let go because you are used to being with them.
You need to be honest with them and yourself about whether or not you want to be in this relationship.
You think you are not good enough for them
Sometimes people find it difficult to accept the real reason behind their actions to avoid confronting their true feelings. If you feel like your partner can’t do anything right, it may be because you secretly think that you are not good enough for them.
It is easier to shift the blame on them than admitting that though. Making yourself believe that everything they do is flawed may be why you feel better about your role in this relationship.
What you don’t realise is the effect this behaviour can have on them. Think about your own actions in comparison to theirs. Instead of bringing them down, maybe it’s time for you to rise up.
Your expectations are too high
Skyrocketing expectations will always lead to disappointments. Maybe your partner can’t do anything right in your eyes because you expect too much out of them.
Nobody is perfect and yes, they will make mistakes as do you. Nothing major is going to happen if you let things slide every once in a while. In fact, it may even be better to laugh together at minor mishaps.
Moreover, the pressure of not being allowed to make a mistake could be why your partner may be faltering in the first place. You are in a relationship with them and not running a regiment. Try to appreciate them for who they are.
Conclusion:
It is quite improbable that every single thing that a person does is wrong. You have to open your eyes to the possibility that you do not have feelings for your partner and keep finding faults in them for that very reason. If that is not the case and you still are in love with them, seek professional help to guide your relationship as the next step.
Nonetheless, please refrain from telling them that they can’t do anything right. You may be frustrated, but It is an insensitive way of dealing with this situation. Not only will you emotionally discourage them, you will also cause irreparable damage to your relationship in the long run.
FAQs: My partner can’t do anything right
How do you know when your relationship is one-sided?
You know a relationship is one-sided when only one person is seen putting all the effort while the other holds out on little to no emotional involvement. This imbalance will barely last. A relationship takes work and both partners need to be equally invested.
What does it mean when someone says you can’t do anything right?
When someone tells another that they can’t do anything right, it usually is a sign that they find fault with everything in that person. It’s a hurtful statement to make. Nothing they do will ever be good enough and that nagging feeling will be internalised by that person eventually.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is one in which you feel unloved and craving to be understood. There are obvious signs and you know in your gut when the relationship has become spiteful. It being with your partner makes you feel worse over time, it is best to leave.
Can love fade away and come back?
Yes, of course. It is absolutely possible for love to fade away and for those feelings to return in time. This happens because as people change, you may not be able to comprehend their new selves, but loving someone is all about evolving with them. Working on your relationship with your partner can bring those resounding sparks back, if you let them.
References:
Toxic People: 12 Things They Do and How to Deal with Them
https://www.quora.com/My-boyfriend-can-t-seem-to-do-anything-right-Can-I-trust-him