My Partner Can’t Cry (5 key Tips)
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
There are plenty of reasons why people can’t let themselves cry. In this article, we will take a look at what those might be.
Why can’t your partner cry?
If your partner can’t cry, here is some insight that may help you understand why they may be the case.
- It’s a coping mechanism
- They do not express their sadness with tears
- They do not want to be vulnerable
- They see crying as a sign of weakness
- It makes them uncomfortable
- They cry in private
- It makes them feel worse
- They have repressed emotions
- Their emotional capacity is different than yours
- It doesn’t come naturally to them
How do you help someone who can’t cry?
There may be few things that can help someone who can’t cry provided they are willing to accept it. Here are some of them.
- Help them identify their feelings
- Let them to express their emotions openly
- Be someone they can talk to without judgement
- Be receptive to their non-verbal cues
- Talk about them not being able to cry
- Encourage them to seek therapy
What are the benefits of crying?
Shedding tears releases endorphins and induces a sense of calm and well-being. The following are some of the benefits of crying.
- It’s an act of self-soothing
- It can improve the mood
- It can be incredibly cathartic
- It helps restore emotional balance
- Crying can help relieve pain
Why is crying in front of your partner a good thing?
Relationships can get stronger when partners open up to each other. Here’s why crying in front of your partner can be a good thing.
- It shows that you care about your relationship
- It makes the relationship stronger
- It shows willingness to be vulnerable
Crying should come naturally to humans. It’s how we express sadness and can be an extremely cathartic experience. Tears help upset emotions to be acknowledged and released.
People can manage their emotional stress and strengthen relationships because of it, but yet many people find it difficult to cry. Maybe your partner can’t cry because of the shame and cultural stigma associated with it.
If your partner struggles to shed a tear even at their lowest moments, there are many reasons why that may be.
Why can’t your partner cry?
It’s a coping mechanism
Not being able to cry is as much a coping mechanism as it is to cry. It may seem odd to you, but maybe your partner can’t cry because they prefer it that way. There’s nothing wrong with that.
They may even find oversharing of emotions off-putting. Whatever helps them should be encouraged. As long as they have their way to let off steam, it need not be viewed as a problem.
Emotional expression allows people to connect your feelings to their behaviour. If they can perceive and understand their own feelings that is really all that matters.
They do not express their sadness with tears
Everyone does not express their sadness by crying. Some people may want to process it through other ways like by indulging in comfort food or listening to music.
Your need to see them cry may be unwarranted if they have other healthy methods of dealing with their melancholy.
Try to see it from their perspective without placing your expectations of how things should be. If your partner can’t cry and has other ways to manage their sorrow, it may be best to let them work it out.
They do not want to be vulnerable
While people think that vulnerability is a weakness, it is quite the opposite. To be emotionally vulnerable in front of someone shows a lot of strength and courage.
It can stand to reason that your partner can’t cry because they would rather not be vulnerable. This is a problem for them.
Be patient and let them open up to you on their own terms. You can always encourage them to shed a tear or two when they are alone if they do want to do it in front of you.
They see crying as a sign of weakness
When people cry, they can feel self-conscious and aware. They may feel like others take them less seriously.
Your partner can’t cry if it makes them feel weak, but how can something that reduces your emotional stress leave you fragile?
Let them know that in fact, people who cry more frequently and more so in the presence of someone, may even be tougher than others.
It makes them uncomfortable
If your partner can’t cry in front of you, it could be because it actually makes them uncomfortable. They are not used to being open with their extreme emotions and may prefer to deal with them alone.
This is not something you have to worry about unless they can’t process emotion at all.
They cry in private
Crying is an emotional release that is good for us. Whether one chooses to do it in private or in the company of someone is their prerogative.
It should be okay that your partner can’t cry in front of you. It’s probably difficult for them because of a myriad of reasons. How they process their emotions should be left up to them.
It makes them feel worse
So for many, crying makes them feel better. For some, it could make them feel worse after. The body has spent energy on tears and it can be exhausting to pull oneself together.
Maybe that’s why your partner can’t cry or at least prefers not to. It could bring out thoughts that they are a babbling mess and offset even stronger negative emotions.
It’s better to let them decide the course of action when it comes to expressing their feelings.
They have repressed emotions
If your partner grew up in a household where emotions were not discussed, let alone encouraged, it makes sense that they can’t cry. They probably push down every negative emotion deep down rather than deal with it.
This is not healthy because repressed emotions always show up in different ways, when one least expects it. It can be damaging to the individual’s mental health.
Therapy can help such people, including your partner, acknowledge these feelings and navigate it in a healthy manner.
Their emotional capacity is different than yours
Some people are more sensitive than others and need to feel their feelings to come out stronger. While this is a good thing, it’s not the only way.
Your partner can’t cry if they are not as in touch with their emotions as maybe you are. Their capacity to go through the motions by shedding a tear could be low and it works for them.
Give them the benefit of doubt that when they are over in the head, they will reach out to you.
It doesn’t come naturally to them
Your partner can’t cry if it doesn’t feel natural to them and nor should you be forcing them. They could be quite at peace with how they expel negative emotions and that is all that matters.
Let them know that they have your support and trust that they know how to reach out to you if and when they need to.
Conclusion:
While crying should be encouraged as children, society has only just started to speak about the importance of it. Right from our childhood, we are told to keep our feelings in check, which is why we find emotional vulnerability so daunting as adults, even more so with men.
Like any other form of expression though, you can’t force someone to choose to share their vulnerability with you. They should feel comfortable crying in front of you or with crying itself. You can let your partner know that it is okay for them to cry, but whether they choose to or not is entirely up to them.
FAQs: My partner can’t cry
Is it unhealthy to not cry?
Crying is definitely good for you unless you are one of those people that feel worse after you have had a weep. Keeping your grief and sadness within is definitely unhealthy. How you choose to express your emotions is your call as long as you are feeling better at the end of it.
What are the side effects of not crying?
Some of the side effects of not crying is the possibility of less connection with others and being less empathetic to yourself and others. It could also be that your potential for well-being can be reduced if you lack the emotional stimuli required for it.
Does crying make a man weak?
No, crying does not make a man weak, although they may feel like that because of societal stigma. Men are taught not to cry and turn to other emotions (mostly anger) to deal with their issues.
Crying does not make anyone feeble, instead it’s an expression that can be a better coping mechanism. When a person cries, it shows that they are not afraid to be in touch with their feelings.
References:
https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/why-cantwont-he-cry
https://www.enlightenedsolutions.com/crying-is-a-sign-of-strength-not-weakness/