My Partner Can’t Be Alone (3 key tips)

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Page last updated: 2/09/2022

In this article we’re going to talk about the possible reasons why your partner can’t be alone. 

Why can’t your partner be alone?

Being alone is not easy for everyone, especially for those that place their happiness in other people. The following reasons could be why your partner can’t be alone.

  • The do not want to be lonely 
  • They are extroverts
  • They are emotionally dependent on you 
  • They have been abandoned in the past
  • They lack self-confidence
  • They haven’t really been alone before 
  • They have monophobia 
  • They care about what other people think
  • They have a had traumatic experience 
  • They can’t be alone with their thoughts

How does one become okay with being alone?

Here are some ways to be okay with being alone. 

  • Practice spending quality time with themselves
  • Find joy in little things without company
  • Do things you enjoy
  • Call a loved one if it gets too difficult
  • Acknowledge the time when you want your own space
  • Allow yourself to be okay with being sad

Why should you spend more time alone?

Here are some reasons why people should spend more time alone.

  • It can promote empathy
  • It can increase productivity
  • Solitude can spark creativity
  • It can help build mental strength
  • It’s the chance to know oneself better

How can you help someone deal with being alone?

These are some things you can do to help someone deal with being alone.

  • Share with them the perks of being alone 
  • Arrange activities for them at home to help them relax
  • Make solo outing plans for them
  • Challenge them to take a break from the world
  • Be patient and do not force them if they are not ready

The very nature of human beings seeks the company of others. We desire it at the most basic level. The validity makes us feel safe and even the mere presence of another person can be comforting. 

While some people do not struggle with the idea of being alone, many others do. They may crave to be listened to, to be acknowledged and even applauded. If nothing else, they may just need someone around them for their mind’s to be at peace. 

If your partner can’t be alone, it stands to reason that there are some deep-rooted causes that have made a mark on their psyche. 

Why can’t your partner be alone? 

The do not want to be lonely 

Many people confuse being alone with being lonely. Your partner can’t be alone if they think it’s the same as being lonely. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not. 

Someone can still be lonely surrounded by a room full of people. It’s a feeling that doesn’t go away in the company of others. Choosing to be alone requires one to be comfortable with themselves and the knowledge that they are enough. 

No one likes being lonely. It’s one of the toughest feelings to deal with. It brings sadness along to a pity-party. Communicate with your partner about what’s really bothering them and offer your emotional support to help them get through it.   

They are extroverts

If your partner is an extrovert, they are comfortable and could feel compelled to be around other people. It is just in their personality to be this way. 

As an outgoing person, they may genuinely enjoy the company of people. This more, the merrier outlook of theirs could be why your partner can’t be alone. Not being around others could then make them feel uncomfortable. 

There’s nothing wrong with this as long as they are not sacrificing their own mental and emotional needs to appease other people. 

They are emotionally dependent on you 

It’s quite normal for people to seek the feeling of home in their partner, other members of the family or a friend. Even the most extroverted individuals should have someone that they find solace with. 

Maybe being alone is not the problem, it could be that they find your company the most enjoyable. If your partner is emotionally dependent on you, it could be why it seems like they can’t be alone. 

It’s not necessarily a bad thing unless it’s a crippling need to be around you at all times. In that case, you are probably the only person who can get through to them and find out why they struggle to be by themselves. 

Let them open up to you about their fears and with your help, they can slowly start to overcome it. 

They have been abandoned in the past

A past memory that is still vivid in the minds of people alters their present in more ways than one. If your partner has dealt with abandonment by a parent or someone who was once close to them, those experiences could have had a big impact on them. 

The fear of being abandoned again could be why your partner can’t be alone. Being alone may bring back those feelings that they have pushed back and do not want to confront. They may associate it with being unloved.

Moreover, it may cause them to overthink that you do not want to be around them. The mind is a fragile thing and is capable of going wild with irrational thought. It is best if these issues are brought to light with the help of a professional.

They lack self-confidence

To be in your own company requires self-confidence. It’s this confidence that tells you that while it’s healthy to interact and have meaningful relationships with people, you on your own are enough. 

Your partner can’t be alone if they struggle with self-esteem issues and need other people to fill the void they feel within. Talk them up and try to make them see what all they have achieved so far. 

Ultimately, this is something they have to battle themselves, but with your support, it should hopefully get easier. 

They haven’t really been alone before 

If your partner is one of those people who have always been popular and a people’s person, it may be difficult for them to be alone now. 

They may be used to having a large circle of friends and moving with big crowds in their idea of normal. If that has changed for some reason, it could be tough on them. 

Your partner may always want company as they’ve never learned how to enjoy doing anything on their own. Give them time to adjust to this change in their lives. They should bounce back after the initial shock has passed. 

They have monophobia 

Monophobia is the fear of being alone. Just the thought of being alone can cause stress and severe anxiety in a person. So if your partner can’t be alone, this may be why.

If your partner has this phobia, it could be why they can’t be alone. This is a serious issue and needs to be addressed as it is also known to cause sleepless nights and heart palpitations. 

Have an honest conversation with them and suggest the idea of getting professional help. 

They care about what other people think

Caring about what other people might think can be detrimental to one’s growth as an individual. If your partner is emotionally crippled by the opinions of others, the stigma associated with being alone could have gotten to them.

Your partner can’t be alone as self-doubt may creep in along with worrisome questions about being seen as a loner, weird or anti-social. None of them are tags that people want for themselves because of their negative connotations. 

As they pour from pitchers of these insecurities, it can become increasingly difficult to be alone. You may have to reiterate to them that people will have something to say regardless and that the only way to deal with it is to tune them out.

They have a had traumatic experience

A traumatic experience in their past could be why your partner can’t be alone. Maybe they witnessed loved ones go through their life alone and be miserable because of it. 

Worse, they were the victim of a scary experience like a burglary or a mugging when they were alone and it has scarred them for life.

For this very reason, they feel the need to have someone around and can we blame them? However, issues with solitude stemmed from trauma should be appropriately addressed. 

Avoiding it now will make it much harder to deal with in the long run.

They can’t be alone with their thoughts

Sadness can be overwhelming when someone wants to be in the company of others but can’t, especially when they have mental issues they struggle with. 

Maybe your partner can’t be alone with their thoughts and that is why they prefer to be around people and you. 

The need for connection is strong and sometimes, it does not hurt to give it to them. 

Conclusion: 

Being comfortable with solitude takes time. With age, it can even get easier, so all is not lost. Having meaningful communion with oneself is as important as building relationships with other people.

Try to convey to your partner that to have the support of friends and family is great, but the true feeling of security and safety begins within. If they want to have a healthy relationship with you, they need to have a healthy one with themselves.

FAQs: My partner can’t be alone

What does it mean if someone can’t be alone?

When someone can’t be alone, it usually means that they have a hard time on their own. Being alone could be extremely difficult for them even when they are at home. They may need to be around people to feel safe both physically and mentally. 

Is autophobia common?

Autophobia or monophobia is the condition wherein the idea of spending time alone can trigger feelings of anxiety in an individual. It is quite a common phobia and can fuel the goal to have a partner. Consulting a psychiatrist can help manage this fear and counter any negative message that derives because of it. 

Why is it okay to be alone?

It is okay to be alone because the experience helps you learn to not depend on anyone else to make you happy. Without the burden of appeasement, you learn to enjoy things on your own. Once you are emotionally secure with yourself, you extend more joy to others. 

References: 

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-be-alone-loneliness-coping-strategies-tips_n_5737600

https://time.com/5548386/feeling-lonely-in-relationship/

https://medium.com/personal-growth/why-were-afraid-of-being-alone-de9c7516ffa2