If your partner has been blaming you for everything, then it’s most likely that your relationship has some unresolved issues. In this article, we will learn how to deal with being blamed for everything. We will also try to understand why this happens and how to prevent it from happening in the future. Another key point would be on how to communicate effectively in such a situation.
Here are the topics we would be covering :
- Why does my partner blame me for everything ?
- What are unresolved issues?
- How can I effectively communicate with my partner?
- How to prevent this in future?
- Points to improve compatibility
Why does my partner blame me for everything?
To understand why your partner blames you for everything, it’s extremely important to introspect. Look at the arguments or fights you’ve been having recently.
There are certain patterns that you might have observed. These include:
- Picking on small things that lead to unnecessary arguments.
- Pushing for a fight even after the issue has been resolved.
- Bringing up the past problems every chance your partner gets.
- Using your shortcomings against you
- Making you feel unloved.
Picking on small things
This usually happens when there are unresolved issues that have been bothering your partner. They might not know exactly what it is, as they’ve probably tried to forget it and in the course, they’ve repressed it. But there’s a good chance it still bothers them.
Pushing for a fight
When your partner pushes for a fight, it might be because they have alot to express and vent. They probably look at a fight as the only way it’ll be okay for them to vent out. It almost is a sign for help, that your relationship needs your attention.
Bringing up past problems
If your partner has been bringing up a particular problem, there’s a good chance that it has remained unresolved for them. Maybe you both moved on too quickly from this problem instead of giving it more time and taking a closer look.
Using your shortcomings against you
This is a faulty way to deal with any situation. It breaks trust and causes a lot of pain to the person on the receiving end. If you notice your partner doing this, it’s important to stop it right then. If you have been doing this then try to understand where it’s coming from before it pushed your partner away.
Making you feel unloved
Once your partner starts using your shortcomings against you, it’s going to lead to you feeling unloved. This can be a sign that your relationship is at its breaking point and needs immediate care.
What are unresolved issues?
Unresolved issues are one of the main reasons why your partner could be blaming you for everything. We call them “unresolved” and not “unsolved” because sometimes issues in a relationship don’t have one solution, they have multiple. Some might not even have a solution, that’s when it takes compromise.
Mostly these unresolved issues occur when there hasn’t been effective addressing of issues. Suppose your partner has an issue and you notice it but continue to work the same way, this would pile up.
In the above-mentioned situation, neither you nor your partner has addressed the issue, spoken about it in detail, understood what could be done, and then compromised or reloved it. Issues that go unaddressed automatically lead to unresolved issues.
No room to express feelings
Another reason why unresolved issues are formed is when your partner hasn’t had the room to express their feelings. This again usually happens when they feel their feelings aren’t worth mentioning. Or if they have over prioritised your feelings above their own feelings.
This usually leads to pent up anger and resentment.
Poor understanding of an issue
Sometimes even after we address an issue, we tend to only cover the surface of it. Certain issues might require more attention and digging deeper to understand the root problem.
Since there might be painful memories linked, the root issue could be hidden and repressed. This takes time and sensitivity.
How can I effectively communicate with my partner?
One of the ways to effectively communicate with your partner is to have a safe word.
A safeword can be anything, for example, “yellow”, “strawberry” and “bunny”. These words can be said in the middle of your argument or conversation when you feel that it’s getting derailed, or if you and your partner are going in circles.
This safe word can also be used to avoid blaming each other. It helps on focusing on the problem at hand instead of bringing down each other.
Try to have open-ended conversations by using your feelings, instead of your words. Express yourself, be empathetic and give your partner a chance to open up. Let this conversation be one where you can tell each other anything and everything.
How to prevent this in the future?
In order to prevent this from happening in the future, you and your partner need to understand defective patterns.
- Even if your partner is blaming you for everything, we could say you have a defective pattern if you decide to accept these blames.
- If both, you and your partner can’t confront issues or each other, then this will again be problematic and could lead to a lot of pent up emotions.
Recognise these patterns that keep recurring in your relationship, and that are followed by unpleasant times, fights, or arguments.
Once you’ve done this it would be time to work on these patterns so that they don’t trigger the same issues in your relationship in future.
Points to improve compatibility
- Set aside a date day for you and your partner every once a week.
- Make sure you keep aside all distractions during this date day.
- If communicating fact-to-face is difficult, try to write to each other.
- Every once in a while make sure to indulge in an “act of love”.
- This can be gifting, saying something nice to the other person, writing them a letter, or just waking them up with some delicious breakfast.
- Communicate your emotions, but also give your partner the space to understand these emotions and express themselves.
- Have a hobby or activity that you both enjoy doing together.
When your partner blames you for everything, take it as a wake-up call for your relationship. This definitely means your relationship needs a lot of time and effort at the moment. Take the time to introspect, and build an effective channel of communication. Everything will be fine as long as both of you are able to communicate your feelings and work on your relationship.
If you have any questions or comments regarding this, please feel free to drop them in the comment section below.
FAQs- My partner blames me for everything
What does it mean when your spouse blames you for everything?
If your spouse is blaming you for everything, then they most likely are unhappy with your relationship. Instead of effectively communicating about the problems, they’re choosing to blame. This is when you should understand that it’s time to do something about it.
What does it mean when a man blames you for everything?
The man is probably blaming you for everything because you haven’t openly spoken about situations so far, and that’s why it continues to be this way. You would have to accept that you’ve probably had a role to play in getting the situation to this point.
What does it mean when someone constantly blames you for everything?
When someone constantly blames you for everything, they might be a narcissist. A narcissistic person is known to be notorious as they always blame everyone around them for everything. This is usually because they believe they’re always right, and that they know how to do things the right way. Thus they project any shortcomings they have onto others.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is one that includes lack of trust, frequent lying and controlling behaviours. This usually happens when one person’s feeling and happiness is prioritised, instead of both of them working as a team. These relationships can be healed but it requires both partners to work together.
What are the psychological terms for blaming others?
The psychological term for blaming others is psychological projection. This is a defence mechanism wherein the ego defends itself when it’s confronted by an unpleasant stimulus or situation. This way the ego denies any triggered underlying emotions and instead projects this onto others.