My partner belittles me (3 Reasons +solutions)
If your partner has been belittling you then it can make you feel insignificant on many levels. It can also feel as though they have been invalidating your feelings and this causes a shift in the dynamic of the relationship itself. Mostly this has a number of reasons but it can be difficult to point out what the actual reason is. If this is a long term relationship then the reasons can be plenty and equally complicated as well.
In this article we will be focusing on the reasons why your partner belittles you, what could you do about this and how could you improve the dynamics of your relationship.
Here are the topics that we will be focusing on :
- Why does my partner belittle me?
- What can I do about it?
- How do I improve my relationship?
Why does my partner belittle me?
Your partner belittles you probably for the following reasons :
- They are controlling
- They are narcissistic
- They are toxic
They are controlling
They probably have a tendency to not just belittle you but also control all your other activities as well. This is a sign that your partner is controlling in nature.
Partners who are controlling in nature are mainly this way due to the insecurities they carry within themselves. They might not want to share these insecurities as well because it can make them look weak and vulnerable. So what they move towards doing is projecting these insecurities onto you.
If they can’t change themselves and feel better by letting go of these insecurities they probably think it’s better to control you and your behaviour. When it comes to talking, you just might have a better way of communicating with people, you’re probably outgoing and friendly, some partners might not like this. And that can be probably because they’re the dead opposite. It makes them feel as though they are falling short in the relationship.
When you inder that your partner is this way, you need to also understand that there isn’t much you can do about this at all. Until and unless they understand this and work towards being better for the sake of your relationship. But if you don’t see this changing in future, then it’s time to move on.
They are narcissistic
A narcissistic person is one who thinks very great of himself. To such a person the people around him aren’t up to the mark.
One common trait is that even if they do appreciate you, they might not express this to you. They’ll rather talk highly of you to other people.
They don’t believe that anyone else can match up to them. And in this way everything becomes a competition. It might not look so, but internally they’re constantly trying to compete with the people around them. And this need not necessarily be only peers. It can be loved ones, family members, spouses, and sometimes they also compete with their own children.
Another thing to remember is that these people tend to always gaslight. As they feel like they’re above everyone, they don’t like to apologise as well. This would portray them as weak individuals. Thus in order to avoid apologizing they could turn towards gaslighting instead. They might turn the situation around just to feel as though they are the ones who are the victim.
In this context being the victim acts as a power card. It helps them play that card whenever they want and however they want, giving them a certain control over you and the dynamics of the relationship. If your partner does gaslight you this way, then it’s a big red flag. Don’t try to attack them about this, or assume the worst. However, be honest about the way you feel.
They are toxic
At the end of the day, when your partner always belittles you, it’s bound to make you feel as if you’re being disrespected. Most of the time our partners tend to push us to feel unwanted and unworthy of their time and space.
This is when we call them toxic and the relationship itself tends to become a toxic relationship. If your partner keeps belittling you it can amount to emotional manipulation. This means they’re direarding not only the way you feel but also your thoughts and opinions. They’re taking away from you the opportunity to express yourself in a conversation.
This is especially painful when it happens at an event or , at the dining table when you’re sitting with family, or guests. This kind of behaviour is noticeable and can make you feel insulted. If your partner is doing this with the intention of making you feel like they’re in charge, and you cannot speak this much when they’re around, then naturally they know what they’re doing.
And not only do they know what they’re doing, they probably also know how it’s making you feel. Even after knowing so much if they continue to act the same way then obviously they’re being toxic to you and changing your relationship into a toxic one.
In these situations the best thing to do is confront your partner. This shouldn’t be done the moment they belittle you, because chances are that they’ll turn it around and make it look as though you ruined the day. Pick a neutral time where things seem to be fairly calm and then confront them about this situation.
If they try to gaslight you, or they try to interrupt you constantly, then you need to know that they might probably never change. Or they don’t even want to change.
They are arrogant
Your partner is arrogant and has a very strong ego. This means that in order to protect their ego from their own faults and Insecurities they tend to throw you in a bad light.
This way their ego stays intact, they don’t feel shame or guilt of any kind. And if along with being arrogant they are also narcissistic, then it serves the purpose of making them feel higher than the rest and much more superior.
Arrogance always comes out in different ways in a relationship. Sometimes it might be through such actions , where they belittle you in order to make themselves feel good. In such a case it’s also a toxic relationship. Other times arrogance can express itself in the form of anger, insults and abuse.
It is important to put a full stop and choose better for yourself when the time is right.
What can I do about it?
If your partner has been belittling you, the best thing that you can do about it is speak to them openly. Let them know how you’re feeling and how much it hurts your feeling that they could be doing this to you. After all, we tend to trust our partners by showing them our vulnerable side as well.
If they tend to take our very vulnerabilities and use them against us to make us feel small and unworthy, it is a red flag to say the least.
Don’t confront your partner about this when they are belittling you. Let that moment pass. Later on when things settle down, find a moment when it’s just the both of you and you have the time to talk to each other.
Start off by talking about the positives in the relationship, show your appreciation for these positives as well. Then proceed to let them know that this is something that’s been bothering you for a while now.
If they try to disregard the way you’re feeling, try not to raise your voice, but very calmly state that you don’t appreciate what they’re doing right now. Continue to say this until they stop and hear you out. If this is going to turn into an argument then that won’t serve the purpose.
However if you find it going that way, then it’s probably best to attend couples therapy. Because you can try a couple of times, but if it keeps repeating itself, either they can change or you require extra help for them to change.
When your partner belittles you, you have to address it before it begins to get out of hand. Confront your partner and speak to them about your feelings. Try to communicate with the way you’ve felt, rather than with absolute statements. And if it hasn’t worked then maybe you could seek professional help if you’d really like this relationship to work.