My partner and I keep arguing (Top 3 tips)

When you and your partner keep arguing in the relationship, it can cause pain, turmoil and eventually resentment. Fights and arguments are a part of all relationships however, if this becomes a constant occurrence it can really affect the stability of your relationship. 

In this article we will be speaking about the following things :

  • Why do we keep arguing? 
  • How can we stop this? 
  • How do we regain our stability?

Why do my partner and I keep arguing? 

 

These are the possible reasons why you and your partner keep arguing :

  • There are unresolved issues
  • There is a lack of communication
  • There hasn’t been any effort in the relationship
  • You’ll aren’t giving each other space 
  • Core values are clashing 
  • External factors

There are unresolved issues 

Unresolved issues make all the difference in any relationship. What we see and fight about is just the tip of the iceberg, there will be underlying emotions, thoughts and worries that lead to this issue. 

Mostly in relationships it takes us time to open up and be genuine with our partners. In this process we might hold back certain things that we know will hurt them. However, we don’t stop feeling, we don’t stop thinking. So naturally it finds its way out even in the smallest of arguments. 

This is when you need to introspect, understand what’s bothering you and speak about it with your partner. If you’ve noticed a recurring issue that your partner keeps bringing up then maybe they have something more to say about that issue. Give them the space to open up. 

There is a lack of communication

Every relationship needs time to grow and become strong. You can’t expect to understand each other without communicating effectively. We all have things that we are sensitive about, that we rather not talk about and so on. 

Unless you speak about these things and explain your reasons, which means you’d have to let your partner in, without this your communication will be detective. 

You might be able to speak out about what you’re going through easily, but are you really processing the way you feel? Because if you aren’t then there’s a good chance that your partner also isn’t able to understand how you’re feeling. 

If you want to reach your partner, you’d have to resolve the feelings within yourself. 

There hasn’t been any effort in the relationship

Effort has to come from both sides, for the relationship to really feel like it’s working. It’s unrealistic to expect things to be amazing and happy all throughout. But at least when you both are putting in the effort there will be affection for each other. 

It will show you that there is something worth fighting for. However when the effort is reduced it can leave a lot of room for frustration and doubts. 

You probably don’t have any silver lining, there aren’t any happy memories, and this magnifies even the small arguments or disagreements that you have. 

 You’ll aren’t giving each other space 

Another common reason why there is constant argument is because of the lack of personal space. Naturally this is going to impact your connection and communication with each other. 

You might think that the more time you spend together the closer you get, but there has to be a balance. You need to have your own space, and so does your partner. 

You have to have your own social circle where you can relax and rewind. Not everything in each one of your lives has to revolve around the relationship. This isn’t necessary at all. 

At the end of the day you both are separate individuals and not all your ideas are going to match. 

Core values are clashing

This is related to the topic we’ve spoken of above. Your ideas with each other might not match at all times and this could cause small disagreements. But the real issue arises when there is a clash of core values. 

Core values are the principles a person goes by. This is important and is essential to the way an individual leads their life. When we speak of compromise is a relationship, core values are something nobody should compromise on for “another person”. 

It is healthy when one thinks of growing as an individual and working on themselves. And if this leads to a change in core values, that’s great. However if you do it for the sake of another, you might end up being resentful or regretting it. 

External factors

There can be external factors such as a job, family, friends, unseen circumstances and so on. These external factors might not come directly from your relationship, but it can still affect the stability of your relationship. 

These external factors need to be left outside instead of being brought into your relationship. Each one who is in a relationship needs to know when to draw that boundary. And separate your relationship from the rest of the world. 

How can we stop this ? 

One of the major things you’d have to work on is, how much do these arguments weigh you down? 

Are you in the same mood for days afterwards? 

Do you not talk to each other for a while? 

We might not be able to stop the constant arguing right away. However we can change the way you deal with it. It has been noted that the more time couples take to bounce back, the more unhappy marriages are. This can be applied to other relationships as well. 

Simply because the strain on your relationship increases when you tend to sit and soak in all the negativity of an argument. You need to get out of it and communicate. This assures your partner that there is always something you can do to work things through. 

Another thing you can do is take a few days out to really introspect. Think about the issues that affect you daily and result in arguments. Ask your partner to do the same as well. Maybe even note it down, and at the end share it with each other. This can be therapeutic if it’s done merely as an exercise to improve your relationship. 

It would be harmful if this exercise is also used to bring each other down.

How can we regain our stability? 

You can regain your stability by simply hearing each other out.  Take turns to completely vent. Today if your partner has decided to vent, let them. And instead of making counter argument points, just listen to them as a friend. 

The next day you don’t have to respond to what they said, let them know you’ve heard them out and you understand. And you can then vent out on how you’ve been feeling in the relationship. 

Listening , instead of always trying to prove a point, is the key to building stability. You might be missing out on some important points that are actually true, because you’re focusing on throwing out a counter argument. 

Conclusion

If you and your partner keep arguing, then it’s a sign that your relationship needs some maintenance. It’s important to keep an eye out for the underlying , unresolved issues that are causing you to argue this much. It is going to require effort from both sides, but it will definitely be worth it. At the end of the day, there is always something you can do to make things better. 

FAQs- My partner and I keep arguing

Is it normal to fight everyday in a relationship? 

No, it’s not normal to be fighting everyday in your relationship. Arguing with your partner is normal but if you are fighting about really important things everyday then this cannot be ignored. 

Is arguing a lot in a relationship healthy? 

Yes, arguing in a relationship can be healthy if it’s done with the right intentions.  It does mean that the two of you are communicating. Relationship conflicts can usually be healthy. 

What are the signs when a relationship is over? 

One of the signs that your relationship is over is when you start hiding things and aren’t able to be open and vulnerable with your partner.

Do couples that fight stay together? 

Yes, couples who fight do stay together. Couples who confront their issues and argue effectively are 10 times more likely to stay together then couples who run away from their problems.

Why do couples fight over nothing? 

Mostly couples fight over nothing because of unresolved issues in the past. This means one or both partners have unresolved issues that have turned into anxiety or resentment. 

References

https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-stop-fighting/
https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/arguing-and-conflict/i-cant-seem-stop-arguing-my-partner-what-can-we-do

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