My partner abuses me (3 coping tips)

In no situation is it okay for your partner to abuse you. This is something everyone needs to know. Irrespective of your gender or sexual orientation, this is the bottom line in a relationship. 

In this article we will be understanding the forms of abuse, how to confront your partner and what are the next steps you should take to move forward. 

Here are the topics that we will be speaking of today: 

  • What are the types of abusive relationships? 
  • Why do partners tend to be abusive? 
  • How important is it to move forward?

What are the types of abusive relationships ? 

There are the following types of abusive relationships :

  • Physically Abusive 
  • Verbally abusive 
  • Emotionally abusive 
  • Mentally abusive 

Physically Abusive 

Physical abusive relationships have been spoken of on all platforms. There are organization’s solely working towards helping victims of physical abusive relationships. 

What needs to be understood is that a relationship is considered physically abusive irrespective of the “intensity” or “frequency” of abuse. 

There is no benchmark that needs to be crossed to consider something a physically abusive relationship. If your partner has slapped you once or twice, or umpteen number of times it’s still abuse. This is an important point to remind yourself about. 

And if this has been happening over a period of time and you’ve stayed and tolerated the abuse, it tells your partner that you’re okay with this kind of treatment. 

Verbally abusive

When anyone is verbally abusive towards you, this can cause you to feel low, and inferior. It can also change your mentality in such a way. This means you’d start to think that you’re good for nothing, or that you’re not good enough. 

And naturally this triggers your behaviour as well. You’d start acting the way you think and settling for people and things that you definitely don’t need in your life. 

Verbally abusive relationships have a detrimental effect on the mental health of an individual. It also changes the way you communicate your feelings when you’re in love. It’s dangerous when you start accepting abuse as a language of love. 

Emotionally abusive

Here’s something that’s lesser spoken about. But it’s equally painful and damaging. Emotional abuse is when someone in this case your partner plays with your feelings. They are disrespectful to the way you feel. 

One of the ways in which this happens is through manipulation.  They tend to use your feelings against you, they manipulate the emotions you feel and make you feel caged in a way. 

It might also get you attached to your partner in a very dependent way. When your partner manipulates you, it can make you feel confused. This leads to you not trusting your own emotions and taking your own decisions. 

And ultimately this leads to you feeling controlled by your partner. 

Mentally abusive 

Mental abuse is something that exists with all forms of abuse. But if you look at it separately , it’s when your partner tries to control your thoughts and decisions. They probably are extremely possessive, this makes you feel conscious all the time.

They could probably have alot of rules and regulations for you to follow. They might force you to think and behave a certain way. If they see you with another person from the opposite sex, they react and this makes you live in fear.

This is just one way in which mental abuse manifests itself, but it is the most common form. Even if your partner is ignoring you or stonewalling you, not communicating, this can also be a form of mental abuse. 

Why do partners tend to be abusive? 

There can be a genuine reason that has made them this way. However, if you’re looking for such a reason to convince you they’re not a “bad” person, then you should stop. 

Even if your partner has a genuine reason it doesn’t make it okay to be abusive. If they want to heal from their traumas that have made them this way, they’ll have to work on this by themselves. You can merely be there for them as support and nothing more. 

Abuse happens for all sorts of reasons. From living through trauma, growing up in an abusive household, to being a victim yourself sometimes.

Why do people stay in abusive relationships? 

One of the major reasons why people stay in abusive relationships is because of something called learned helplessness. 

Learned helplessness is related to our cognitive behaviour. We often learn over and over again, due to events and circumstances that we cannot escape what we have. And after a point even if we can and there is nothing stopping us, we still stay back. This is a form of helplessness that has been learned over a period of time. 

It then forms a vicious cycle including self-pity. This keeps you from unlearning this form of helplessness and lets you stay in the same relationship until you get a huge wake-up call. 

How important is it to move forward? 

It is extremely crucial for you to move forward from such a relationship. We need to understand that physical abuse can be life threatening after a point of time. It can affect your health from all angles. 

Another thing to remember is that since abuse occurs in different forms, one should always be aware of what’s happening in their relationship. When it comes to manipulation or control, it might be very difficult to spot it out during your relationship.

This is why people tend to say that having your space and maintaining your individuality is extremely important in any relationship. This helps you stay true to yourself and evaluate if you’re in a relationship that’s helping you grow. 

When it comes to emotional abuse the damage it can cause isn’t very visible until you try getting close to another person. You might notice that you suddenly have triggers, you have walls and don’t trust too many people.

You might also be flaky, you can come and go in these relationships. You might even notice alot of anxiety when you are either confronted with a particular situation. 

It is crucial for you to take the step to breakaway from your partner who abuses you. If you’d like to lead a healthy lifestyle physically, emotionally and mentally, this is something you have to stand up for. You are not helping yourself or your partner by staying in such a relationship and not speaking up. 

Conclusion

If your partner abuses you then it’s time to speak up. You cannot allow this to take control over your life because at the end of the day, you are the only one who can stand up for yourself and move away from such a relationship. This is something you cannot solve on your own. Abuse is wrong for all reasons and you cannot try to reason it out with yourself. 

If you have any questions or queries, please drop them in the comment section below. 

FAQs- My partner abuses me 

What are the effects of partner abuse? 

The effects of partner abuse are mainly seen on children in the situation. They tend to grow with a lower intellectual functioning. They might also tend to turn towards drugs and engage in that form of abuse themselves. 

What is abusive conduct in a relationship? 

Abusive conduct in a relationship can include the following things, shaming, criticizing, ridiculing , gaslighting, manipulating, lying, insulting, threatening, intimidating, name-calling , swearing, stonewalling, and even ignoring. 

What causes someone to be an abuser? 

Someone can become an abuser for any reason or no reason. It happens regardless of economic status, gender, age , sexuality, race , ability and citizenship status. That being said an abuser might be confus, angry and frustrated. They might not know how to deal with these feelings and inturn become abusive in different ways. 

Is gaslighting emotional abuse? 

Yes, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. It is when you manipulate a person and make them feel like they’re at fault and you’re the victim. It makes them question their own feelings, thoughts and behaviour. And this causes them to feel like they’re wrong. They might also question their mental stability.

How does abuse affect future relationships? 

Abuse can lead to having anxiety, depression, stress and a poor self esteem when you put yourself in another relationship. It can make you feel low and inferior. You might also not be able to open up to the person you’re with. This can cause issues in your relationship. 

References

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/signs-of-emotional-abuse-relationship_n_5a999fbee4b0a0ba4ad31a4d
https://www.verywellmind.com/are-you-an-abusive-spouse-2300588

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