My parents beat me for no reason (Is it abuse?)
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The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the…
In this guide, we will discuss ‘My parents beat me for no reason’, what is understood by abuse, forms of abuse such as physical, emotional, sexual, etc.
The difference between discipline and abuse and some of the most common feelings and thoughts when being abused.
My parents beat me for no reason
If your parents beat you for no reason you may be looking for answers as to why.
No one should get beaten (i.e. broken bones, being attacked, punched, slapped, kicked…) as punishment for their behavior and even more so if there is no apparent reason.
We would like to be sure that our parents will always make sure we are safe, protected, and loved but that is not always the case.
However, a child just wants to be loved so they will accept the blame for everything even if they didn’t do anything.
According to mentalhelp.net, “As a consequence, abused children report that they provoked their parents into using corporal punishment. When these children become adults they continue to cling to the myth that they were bad and the parents good.”
Subsequently, those children that keep getting beaten no matter the reason, end up believing they are bad, that there is something wrong with them and how their parents are just trying to correct them, meaning they somehow deserve it.
If your parents beat you for no reason this only demonstrates their lack of emotional control or the way they manage their emotions and maybe this was the way they were raised (not intended to justify them in any way).
There is plenty of research out there that demonstrates the impact and damage abuse can make on mental health.
People who have endured abuse during childhood usually transition into their teens with low self-esteem, lack of confidence, anxiety, depression, drug abuse, among others.
Remember that being beaten or abused in any way doesn’t mean it is a form of love or how your parents show you they love you because the act itself doesn’t involve in any case the meaning of love.
What is abuse?
As indicated by kidshelpphone.ca, “Abuse (particularly in the family) is when an adult, typically a parent or caregiver, uses violence to control and/or harm a family member. The abuse can be physical, emotional/psychological, or sexual. Neglect is another form of abuse. Neglect is when parents or caregivers who have a responsibility to care for a young person don’t meet their basic needs.”
Let’s take a look at the different forms of abuse.
Physical abuse
This is the type of abuse you are experiencing if your parents keep beating you for no reason.
The definition of physical abuse will be determined by the laws and guidelines that exist in your country.
For some, physical abuse is understood as the corporal punishment that either leaves marks or is potentially harmful/dangerous to the child.
However, many times it is not contemplated how emotional abuse is a result of physical abuse.
For instance, if your mother continually slaps you across your face will not leave permanent physical damage but the emotional damage will, leaving scars that will not be visible but will go deep.
Examples of physical abuse include hitting, punching, slapping, biting, kicking, pulling hair, scratching, shaking, choking, arm twisting, using an object with the intention of hurting or causing pain to the other person.
Psychological abuse
Also known as emotional abuse, is the type of abuse that is hard to define since it can include a wide variety of concepts and behaviors that don’t leave a visible or physical mark.
For instance, name-calling, humiliation, swearing, rejection, belittling, being made to feel ashamed of yourself, made to feel guilty or crazy, threatening behavior, being degraded, insulting, criticizing to hurt their feelings, ridiculing someone, telling someone they are a bad person, etc.
Most of the time, physical abuse comes with emotional or psychological abuse.
We know through research how detrimental this can be for the mental health of the person enduring such forms of abuse.
Sexual abuse
This type of abuse happens when an adult engages in any sexual activity with a young person or uses the sexual act as a way to demonstrate they have the power and authority or could also be an as part of an act of vengeance, desire to control, masked as an act of love.
Sexual abuse often involves physical contact, but it is also said to happen without touching.
Some examples of sexual abuse include touching someone’s genitals or making them touch the perpetrator’s genitals, making someone watch adult-contents, having sex, or trying to have sex with a child or young person, taking off your clothes or forcing you to watch an adult take their clothes off, especially in a sexual way, among other forms.
Neglect (physical and emotional)
Neglect is when a parent/caregiver fails to meet your basic needs which include:
- Having a safe place to live and get cleaned.
- Proper clothing.
- Having nutritious food.
- Having access to a place to bathe and items such as soap and shampoo for adequate hygiene.
- Supervision and guidance.
- Attending school or being homeschooled.
- Emotional support.
- Medical care.
Discipline vs Abuse
Many parents believe the way they discipline their child is the correct one even if it is clearly one of the forms of abuse we have mentioned.
In addition, most parents are not even informed about the current laws that determine the fine line between discipline and abuse, others simply don’t care.
However, if a parent must discipline their child, it is important to find a way to correct their behavior without letting their frustrations, anger or bad temper take over.
Also, there is no need for physical abuse or any other form of abuse if parents get introduced to “positive parenting” which does not involve any physical discipline.
Moreover, children and young adults should not be subjected to discipline with objects such as bats, belts, sticks, ropes, cables, electronic devices, or any other type of object that could cause harm.
Common feelings when being abused
If you are constantly living with abuse, it can change the way you feel and think about yourself, your family, and the future.
Abuse can convince you that you deserve what is happening, you deserve being slapped or kicked because you are naughty or a bad person, preventing you from asking for help.
Some examples of how someone being abused may thing include (kidshelpphone.ca):
Guilty
“I know it was at least partly my fault.”
“I should’ve been able to stop it.”
“If only I had helped out more.”
“Why did he hurt my sibling and not me?”
Ashamed
“It’s so humiliating.”
“People will think I’m weird.”
“Everyone will think it’s my fault for not stopping it.”
“Our neighbours will look down on my family.”
Angry
“Why me?”
“Nothing ever goes right for me — this just proves it.”
“I must be being punished.”
“I hate everything.”
Afraid
“If I tell the police, he will hurt me more.”
“Child protection services are going to separate me from my siblings.”
“I’ll be placed in a foster home where things will be even worse.”
“I’ll never find someone to care about me again.”
Confused
“Maybe the abuse isn’t really that bad.”
“Sure, he’s violent, but he can also be really nice and fun.”
“I know she loves me — she just doesn’t know how to show it.”
“If I don’t tell, things will get better.”
“Maybe I’m remembering things wrong.”
Why is this blog about My parents beat me for no reason important?
As we have discussed being beaten by your parents for no reason may be considered physical abuse, and if you are being also subjected to emotional/psychological abuse know that you don’t deserve it, you are not guilty or a bad person.
Your parents should guarantee a safe, loving, and caring environment for you to grow in.
However, this is not always the case and certainly being beaten is not a form of love.
Ask for help if you are being abused. Try to talk to an adult you trust, a school counselor, a nurse, or even one of the many free hotlines that are willing to help you get through this.
Please feel free to leave any comments or thoughts about the content of this article!
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about My parents beat me for no reason
What should you do if your parents beat you?
If your parents beat you try to talk to a trusted adult in person or over the phone.
You could also write a note, an email, or send them a letter if you feel more comfortable.
In addition, you could try talking to someone at your school, such as a counselor, a teacher, or a school nurse.
Should parents be allowed to hit their child?
Parents should not be allowed to hit their children.
Spanking, hitting or slapping can interfere with the connection a parent and a baby/toddler/child should forge for a healthy relationship.
However, on many occasions, it is difficult to control how parents enforce discipline being physical.
What is considered abuse from a parent?
Abuse refers to any emotional, sexual, or physical mistreatment or neglect enforced by an adult who is responsible for someone under the age of 18 years.
There are types of abuse such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or neglect.
Why parents hit their child?
Many parents hit their child because they think physical punishment works, meaning, it seems to be the only way to make their child stop their behavior.
However, we know how this is not an effective way to discipline your child even if you see how it seems to work temporarily.
Is beating your child with a belt legal?
The legality of corporal punishment of children varies from one country to another.
In some countries such as Canada, the use of any implement other than the bare hand is considered illegal as well as hitting a child in anger or retaliation.
Consider how a belt can make a lot of harm not only by inflicting physical pain but also psychological damage.
References
Kideshelpphone.ca: “Family abuse: What it is and how to identify it”
Havoca.org: “What is abuse?”
Mentalhelp.net: “When Children Are Beaten, The Aftermath”
