My husband yells at me in front of his family (tips)

In this guide, we will discuss “my husband yells at me in front of his family” and how to find ways to handle the situation.

My husband yells at me in front of his family

If your husband yells at you in front of his family you have felt the embarrassment, feeling diminished, humiliated, disrespected and/or useless.

First, no one deserves to be yelled or screamed at no matter what you have done or you think you did, especially in front of his family or in public.

Tolerating this type of behavior will only increase the chance of reappearing in the future, becoming a vicious and never-ending cycle. 

Most people will get married in search of establishing a healthy and long-lasting relationship.

However, for some people, this is not how their married life turns out to be and in many cases, it can be a powerful reason to end their marriage.

If you consider divorcing is not one of your options at this point and time, then breaking down the pattern of disrespect could be the way to go but it requires patience and effort from both parties. 

In addition, it is important to get support from friends and family so you are not alone when trying to break these deep patterns in your marriage.

You may not be aware now but this can be considered a form of abuse and you may be trapped into a toxic and abusive relationship without even knowing.

Some women will just wait to see if the situation resolves or gets better on its own but the truth is, if there are no early actions taken, it is likely to keep getting worse or escalating to the point of physical abuse. 

On the other hand, if you have communicated to your husband how his rage attacks and anger is affecting you and he really commits to going to therapy for anger management control then, voila, disaster averted!

However, if he says he is committed and he promises he will change but there is no improvement then you will need to adopt take matters into your own hands and think about whether you should stay in this marriage. 

How to stop my husband from yelling at me?

Here are some tips on how to stop your husband from yelling at you:

• Name the behavior and let your husband know how it makes you feel. If he is yelling and it makes you feel afraid and unsafe, make sure to let him know about it.
• Know when to leave. If your husband is yelling, screaming and you have tried to diffuse them without being successful, let them know you will be removing yourself from the situation and once both are calm the conversation can be resumed.
• Listen to your husband without judging or making any comments about it.

How can yelling affect me?

There are many effects of yelling at your spouse, one of them is fear.

This is the same effect it would have on a child since the brain perceives it is a potentially dangerous situation inducing fear.

If you need to let your spouse know there was something they did that really bothered you, yelling is not the appropriate way. 

It is not a secret that we are emotional beings, and on many occasions, we act moved by how we feel and experience at a certain moment.

When we are frustrated, angry or sad we desperately seek to be heard by yelling, crying, throwing things, etc.

Even though having a happy marriage takes time and effort from both parties, you need to consider that there could be potential threats and danger when someone acts moved by rage and anger. 

Yelling is considered by many researchers and clinicians as a form of verbal abuse.

However, we have to recognize we all have resorted to yelling, probably more than once in our lifetime.

This type of behavior can have short and long term consequences, and usually, it is the result of an ineffective way of communication we tend to replicate from our parents or previous relationships.

Therefore, if we consciously think about it, no one deserves to be yelled at.

When you are in a relationship where yelling is frequent, respect loses its meaning and the marriage tends to deteriorate.

Consequently, the spouse who is being yelled at will eventually become numb and love and affection will turn into fear.

In addition, constantly disrespecting our spouse will not guarantee your point of view getting heard faster or more efficiently, on the contrary.

Yelling as the need to control

Yelling, screaming and eventually swearing, will make us become bullies. No one enjoys being around a bully, nevertheless, living with one.

Bullies normally feel the need to control and dominate the other person by using abusive language.

Usually, a person that uses this type of communication to get what they want from their spouse has low self-esteem and a lack of communication skills.

Subsequently, if you are the one being bullied, expecting your partner to change their behavior will not work until you start changing your own.

When we are married, we tend to wait for the other spouse to change rather than effectively addressing their part in it. 

Controlling your spouse or being controlled is not healthy, just as there are house rules about who is doing what, there needs to be marriage rules.

For instance, respecting your partner is a must, same as your freedom and privacy. 

So you may be wondering, what can I do to deal with my husband if I love him so much?

Why is my husband yelling at me?

There are many reasons why your husband could be yelling at you, some of them are not even related to you directly.

However, most of the reasons have to do with underlying unresolved psychological or physical issues that need to be addressed. 

Other reasons could be related to environmental factors that we do not consider when our husband acts in full rage and anger taking it all out on us, unfortunately.

This is by no means trying to justify his actions but to put yourself in his shoes. 

Low testosterone, for instance, has been associated with being more irritable and likely to have mood swings.

In  addition, sleep deprivation and a poor diet are considered to impact testosterone levels.

It has been suggested that many men do suffer from low testosterone levels without even being aware of or properly diagnosed. 

In addition, as mentioned by Mateus Brava from Paired Life, other factors could be associated to low serotonin, which is one of the key neurotransmitters that play an important role in emotion regulation, high stress, where cortisol levels could lead to irritability and cognition problems, or having an unaddressed emotional trauma that he is trying to suppress or hide. 

Rage and anger

If your spouse has rage outbursts or anger is the emotion that is frequently taking over when there is an argument (even if it is over something as simple as deciding what to eat), it means they lack communication skills. In addition, our own past experiences mould our behavior without us being fully aware of it.

For some people, their immediate reaction when being yelled or screamed at is going into a defensive mode or giving them a silent treatment, but this only makes the situation worse. 

When we are moved by rage or anger we tend to say things we later regret but the damage has been done no matter how many times we say sorry.

In the end, all is left is resentment, frustration, and emotional pain where blaming the other is the easiest thing to do instead of solving the problem.

Consequently, it may be helpful to find professional counseling when things get out of control.

Alternative behavior 

If you prefer handling things on your own and keep it between you and your spouse then consider the following alternatives:

• Before engaging in a fight or argument, you both need to be willing to break the cycle saying something like “the last time we argued about this we both reacted ineffectively so we should try to approach it by communicating better.”
• Acknowledge what you are feeling and how to body reacts to it. When we are angry or frustrated, our body starts to react by activating us physiologically. Next time you could say “I am starting to feel that I want to scream and yell. I can feel the heat and the tension rising, let’s take a few minutes to breathe deeply so we can calm down and then discuss this calmly”. 
• After a discussion, analyze your own behavior and let your partner do the same. Here it is easy to fall back into a “blaming, who did what” pattern. Determine and commit to how your behavior can affect your partner’s behavior and what is needed next time to become more effective when communicating your feelings or disagreement.
• Set boundaries and stick by them. Many times we make mistakes when setting boundaries because we do not clearly define what we are willing to tolerate. If you have set the boundaries but you are flexible with them, then this gives out mixed signals and room to this behavioral pattern to establish and repeating itself. 

Why is this blog about “my husband yells at me in front of his family” important?

If you have experienced for the first time how your husband yells at you in front of his family, you can actually act immediately against such behavior.

If you have been experiencing this for a long time already, it is important to take action and break the cycle.

As we have discussed, no one should get yelled at, humiliated, belittled, etc, under any circumstance.

If you feel too overwhelmed about your husband’s behavior try to get professional help.

If he keeps engaging in this behavior, then you need to reflect on whether you should stay or go. 

Please feel free to comment in the comments section!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about “my husband yells at me in front of his family”

References 

Seltzer, L.F (2015, Aug) Does your partner have rage attacks? Here’s what to Do. Retrieved from Psychologytoday.com

Steurer, G. (2014, Aug.) Relationship Connection: My husband humiliates me in public. Retrieved from stgeorgeutah.com

Brava, M. (2019, Oct.) How to Deal With an Angry Husband Without Sacrificing Your Dignity. Retrieved from Pairedlife.com