My husband doesn’t understand my depression

This article will discuss why it may be hard for your husband to understand your depression. Aside from that, the article will explain what are the best ways you can try to deal with this situation.

Why my husband doesn’t understand my depression? 

Depression is a tricky condition. It may be hard for you to understand what is going on with you, and even harder for people around you to comprehend. Your husband may have noticed you are changed, after all, depression has that effect on people. But he may not be grasping the intensity of what is happening. And there are some reasons for that.

The first one is related to the society we are in. Your husband may have trouble understanding your depression because we are all a part of a society that has trouble understanding the depth and complexity of mental illness. 

And of course more and more has been said on this matter, but still, people tend to assume that depression can be a sign of laziness, a choice, or even related to some sort of sin.

If your husband has had any of these views in his life, it may be hard for him to comprehend what is happening to you. Aside from that, it may be that they acknowledge that something is happening, but can be extremely confused by all the mood swings that depression brings.

That can happen because people often assume that a depressed person will cry all day, every day. So now, living with you, your husband may be seeing that there are days in which you are crying, but there are others in which you have a little more energy, and you may even laugh sometimes. 

All of this can be confusing to them, and they can think those crying days are just a difficult moment, not a sign of something more serious, like depression.

You can also feel like your husband doesn’t understand your depression because they don’t. Although they may want to help and care for you in this difficult moment, they may find it hard to do so. 

They can feel helpless, and be scared that any wrong step they take will make them worse. This feeling, of walking on eggshells, can seem to you like a careless move, when it is, in reality, an intense fear, and not knowing what to do.

But if you want to improve your communication with your husband so he better understands what is going on with you, there are some things you can do. Let’s discuss what they are.

What can I do if my husband doesn’t understand my depression? 

Even though depression can be hard to grasp for people that never gone through it, there are some ways you can talk about it with your husband that will allow the two of you to deal with this matter together. Here is what you can do.

Understand what are your needs 

As you feel your husband doesn’t understand your depression, you may need to answer yourself some questions. One of them is trying to determine what sort of support you are longing for from your husband.

Do you need them to accept you are depressed, you need them to help you with practical things that you have been having trouble dealing with since you are depressed? Or do you need them to be supportive and caring?

Understanding what is missing for you in his understanding will allow you to prepare yourself for having this conversation with them. 

Bring information to the conversation 

It is most likely that they are not understanding because he is seeing for the first time a lot of what is going on with you. And they may not know how to act. So if you are going to talk to them about what is happening, be sure to bring some information.

You may want to show them some articles that talk about what depression is, the most common symptoms, and the treatments that are available nowadays. You can tell them that all of this information centers on saying what depression usually feels like. But each person will experience it differently.

And then, you can begin to tell them how depression may be affecting you. Share with them what are the worst moments for you, what are the hardest parts, and how depression has changed you. Show them that even though there are times when things get a little easier, depression is always there lurking at you. 

Share what your needs are

Once you explain to him how depression is making you feel, you can begin to explain to them how the relationship and their reaction to your depression are affecting you. This may be the moment in which you share with them your needs.

Tell them if you need help with the house chores, or caring for the kids. Let them know what you need is for them to be more present, and ask how you are. Show them how they can help you.

Keep in mind that when you don’t understand something it is almost impossible to find a way to deal with it, but once they know what is happening, they will have more instruments to help you through it.

Make them a part of your treatment 

One thing you can do that can make you feel less alone, make them feel included, and also help you two keep informed is making him a part of your treatment. 

During the conversation, you can discuss with them the possibility of them accompanying you to a doctor’s or therapist’s appointment. This will make your treatment more real to them and will help them get a better notion of what is happening. 

Understand that this is not a one-time conversation

And even though you feel like this first conversation went great, always have in mind that when dealing with depression, and a relationship, more conversations will be needed.

Depression is not a fixed condition, it evolves, and flows. So your needs will surely change over time, and having this communication door open with your partner will allow the two of you to discuss the ew necessities, and what are the next steps in this treatment.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why my husband doesn’t understand my depression? 

How do I explain my depression to my husband? 

If you want to try to explain how your depression feels to you your husband, you should get the data about what depression is. Try to explain to them what depression is, in the clinical sense. It may be a good idea for them to accompany you to some of your doctor’s appointments.

This may help them to understand depression better. Aside from that, it is important to keep in mind that depression can feel different for each person, so you may want to try and tell them how depression has been feeling for you. Having this open line of communication will allow them to understand you better. 

Keep in mind that depression is not a condition that stays the same way. It can change from time to time. Even during the day, you may find that depression manifests itself differently. So tell your husband how it feels. Through that, they will have a better chance of caring for and properly supporting you.

What is a toxic marriage? 

A toxic marriage, like any form of a toxic relationship, is set in an unhealthy way. This can happen in physical, mental, and emotional ways. When you are in a toxic marriage, you may see that your spouse’s personality will constantly change. They can be the sweetest person at some point, and then turn aggressive.

A toxic marriage can begin to make you feel depressed, and with which you are constantly drained. You may realize that your friends and family members are noticing that something is wrong in the relationship, and you may choose to ignore that.

When you are in a toxic marriage, you may hide some relationships in your life from them, so as not to create problems. At the same time, you may feel the urge to cheat on your spouse. In a toxic marriage, you can feel like you are always defensive. And you and your partner may have trouble supporting each other emotionally.

What are the signs of an unhappy marriage? 

When you are in an unhappy marriage, you may realize that both of you are constantly criticizing each other. Aside from that, you are not having sexual intercourse anymore, and spending time together may be difficult.

In an unhappy marriage, people won’t share how they feel, and you may become defensive. Aside from that, you may constantly be thinking about how it would feel to walk away, and being apart may cause you to feel more like yourself.

How do I save my marriage from depression? 

The first thing you should do is try to set an open line of communication so you can talk to your partner about what is going on. Share with them how you feel, and also hear what they have to say. Remember that even though you are the one going through depression, it can impact both of you.

Aside from that, be in treatment, and make sure your partner is a part of your treatment as well. You two can also work on self-care together by doing things you both enjoy, and that make you feel good. 

When should I divorce my depressed wife?

Considering ending a relationship is never an easy topic. If your wife is depressed, and you think that is deteriorating your relationship, the first thing you should do is talk to them. Tell them how you have been feeling, and what aspects of their depression have been impacting the relationship.

Nicely say those things. You two may want to discuss are ways you both can work on the relationship, and how your wife can work on her depression. 

Noticing if they are willing to go to treatment, and maintain that is an indicator that they are willing to get better, so even if it takes time, they are not surrendering to depression.

But if you realize they may be having trouble going to treatment, and are not willing to discuss it, or deal with it, it can be an indicator that the situation will continue as is. So you may want to consider if you want to maintain that relationship.


This article showed why your husband may have trouble understanding your depression. It also explained what are ways you can try to communicate with them so they understand it better.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.


How to Explain Depression to a Loved One Who Doesn’t Understand

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