My husband doesn’t listen to me (5 Tips)

If your husband doesn’t listen to you, then it could be due to his own reasons, or even something that you’re doing. It’s thus very important to understand the reason behind this , before we focus on the solution. 

In this article we will be focusing on the reasons behind why your husband doesn’t listen to you. How you can fix this or help this situation. And also how to prevent this from happening in the future, spotting the signs and so on. 

Here are a few topics we will be covering 

  • Why doesn’t my husband listen to me 
  • What can I do to fix this 
  • How can I prevent this from happening 

Why doesn’t my husband listen to me 

You husband might not be listening to you due to the following reasons : 

  • Due to your husband’s personal issues 
  • Due to the way you communicate or interact 
  • Due to both your personalities

Due to your husband’s personal issues

Your husband  might have a range of personal issues that could be preventing them from listening to you. These could include the following :

  • Your husband might have a dominating personality
  • Your husband is probably the only child 
  • Your husband  doesn’t know how to cope

Your husband has a dominating personality

It isn’t uncommon for most husband’s to have a dominating personality. In such a situation it might be difficult to get them to listen to you. 

Most men who have this kind of a personality are used to giving out orders or advice, and basically being in an authoritative position. Because of this nature they have a mental block that prevents them from actively listening to you. 

Your husband is the only child 

Most only children find it difficult to compromise or adjust. They come from environments that have catered to their likes and dislikes. 

They might also find it difficult to share a space and make room for another person. Only children also have very strong personalities, and especially a very strong sense of individuality. 

Thus it can be difficult for them to listen to another person and also change their behaviour accordingly. 

Your husband doesn’t know how to cope 

This could be for a number of reasons. Especially if your husband comes from a dysfunctional family. This kind if an environment always affects the coping strategies of a person. 

Your husband might just shut off when he hears something he doesn’t like instead of listening and working on it. This is a common way of behaving when you come from a family that fights a lot, or is manipulative and demeaning. 

In such situations it’s important to understand that this is not something your husband is doing intentionally. It has just become a habit because of what he has experienced in the past. 

Due to the way you communicate and interact

You need to understand that when there is defective communication in a relationship, it is due to both partners in the relationship. 

Here are a few things that you might be doing wrong as well : 

Manipulation

Most of the time we end up trying to manipulate our partners to get what we want. We may do so by either making them feel guilty, or that they’re not enough. 

This often makes the other person feel like they aren’t making you happy. Or that whatever they do seems to fail. 

Manipulation can also confuse your husband and make him lose confidence in himself and your relationship. 

Giving ultimatums 

Sometimes we might push our partners to the edge because of our own frustrations. We might not know how to communicate beyond a point , and this is what we resort to doing. 

It’s unfortunate and can make your husband feel like he’s caged. This will cause him to have resentment towards you which would always stop the flow of conversation between the both of you. 

Ultimatums can really kill a marriage and it’s best to avoid it altogether. However, if you realise now, then it’s best to apologise and try to get a fresh start. 

Carrying past baggage

If you haven’t been able to get over certain past situations, you might be carrying this forward in your marriage as well. This will definitely impact the way you communicate with your husband. 

You might be bringing up the past everytime you want your husband to listen to you. This is counterproductive and will only push your husband to shut down and not listen to you at all. 

Try to pay attention to the things you constantly bring up or relate to. It’s showing you that you haven’t healed from it. And try to work on it, also communicate this to your husband. 

Always looking at the negatives

This mostly happens when you have baggage. You tend to only focus on the negatives instead of paying attention to the positive side of your husband. 

In a relationship, it’s important to appreciate and validate each other’s efforts and feelings. When you constantly focus on the negatives you tend to lose focus in your relationship. 

You might view your entire relationship in the same light, however if you look closely you will see that there are only a few moments that are negative. 

Using negative tone 

Sometimes the way we say certain things is as important as what we have to say itself. If you have a habit of speaking in a demeaning way, or if you have an accusative tone, this will not get your message across to your husband. 

Generalizing statements

This is a common thing that you’ve probably heard before, but haven’t paid attention to.

Saying statements that have words like “always,” “never,” and “everytime,” can have a negative impact on your communication. Remember that over a period of time these phrases will start sounding like there’s nothing you can do for your relationship. 

Due to both your personalities

In some cases the negatives in one partner are complemented by the negatives in the other. In the sense that your negative way of handling a situation is encouraged due to your husband’s negative way of reacting to the situation. 

In this case it’s time to sit down and pay attention to how these negative factors are enabling the worst in each of you. 

What can I do to fix this 

In order to fix this and get your husband to listen to you, you can do the following things :

  • Let him know but writing a letter to him
  • Go for counselling, a mediator can help.
  • Try to introspect and see how you need to change first.
  • Share your insights with your husband by apologizing first.
  • After apologizing let him know how you wish to fix this.
  • Give your husband the time to process this information. 
  • Speak about your feelings in an environment that’s positive. 

Sometimes it can get extremely frustrating when you’re constantly fighting at home. This makes your home a negative environment as well. Which will impact your relationship in the long run. 

So focus on going out, having dates, surprising each other. 

How can I prevent this from happening?

You can prevent this from happening by focusing on the positives in your relationship. It’s important to encourage your husband and how he makes you feel. 

When you keep focusing on the negatives, there is no motivation to work on things and move forward. Positive reinforcement is very key to a healthy relationship.

Partners feel like they’re valued and that they can always work on this relationship with you. Otherwise it feels like you are on two different teams. 

Conclusion

Every relationship has its ups and down, but when communication is stopped, it can usually be fatal to a marriage. It’s important to first understand the reason behind this, and then focus on what you can do to make it better. Remember that the idea is to get the communication flowing and not to blame each other for getting to this point. 

If you do have any questions or comments please drop them in the comment section below. 

FAQs – My husband doesn’t listen to me 

What do you do when your husband doesn’t listen to you?

When your husband doesn’t listen to you , you need to try and understand why this is happening. They might not be listening because they want to ignore the difficult feelings that you want to talk about.  They might not want to hurt you by talking about this. Your husband might also be distracted , or overworked , he might have a short attention span. 

Should a husband listen to his wife? 

Yes, a husband should listen to his wife. If a husband listens to the deeper emotions his wife has about certain events, then he is a good husband. 

What to do with a partner who doesn’t listen? 

If your partner doesn’t listen, let your partner know and continue. Keep speaking until you’re heard. And make sure you do this until your concerns are heard. Then you can switch roles and let your partner respond to all of it. 

Why do husbands belittle their wives?

Husband’s belittle their wives when they want to expand and elevate themselves. This usually happens when they feel small about themselves. They tend to project to cover up their own feelings of inadequacies. 

What is disrespect in a marriage?

Disrespect in a marriage can include the following things : stonewalling or remaining silent in a relationship, invalidation of emotions, controlling behaviour, inequality. 

References

https://www.verywellmind.com/why-your-spouse-wont-listen-2303207

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