My girlfriend wants a break (5 key tips)
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
If your girlfriend wants a break, and you’re panicking, then stop and read this. In this post, we will be understanding how to move forward in such a situation. Instead of backing on assumptions as to why your girlfriend wants a break, we believe it’s better to move forward than to try to pick bones and fight over what has already happened.
We will also be working on tips that you could utilize to understand the situation better and also communicate your feelings. As we all know you cannot control any situation but what you can do is moderate your reaction to these situations, and that’s exactly what we would be focusing on.
Here are a few topics that we would be covering:
- Why does my girlfriend want a break?
- What to do if my girlfriend wants a break?
- Having an open-ended conversation with my woman
- Introspect your role as a boyfriend
- Understand the status of your relationship
Why does my girlfriend want a break?
Your girlfriend might need a break for reasons, such as :
- She is feeling a bit overwhelmed
- Certain external factors
- She’s feeling disconnected from the relationship
- She’s tired of trying
Your girlfriend is overwhelmed
Relationships aren’t easy, they can often get tangled because you are going to be sharing your thoughts and feeling with another person. Or at least that’s how it should be. And this can often get overwhelming for most people, especially if they are independent in their own ways.
Certain external factors
External factors can include an overload of work in one’s career, or maybe even some kind of family emergency that requires a lot of time and energy.
Your girlfriend is feeling disconnected from the relationship
This can usually happen when the spark has run out, and you’ve been falling short in trying to adapt to the needs of your relationship.
Your girlfriend is tired of trying
It’s a big possibility that you haven’t been putting in the effort you should be and your girlfriend has been putting in the effort for both of you.
Whatever may be the reason, here are a few things you definitely shouldn’t do:
- Do not push your girlfriend to stay
- Don’t invade her privacy
- Refrain from getting too suspicious, these are things that will push her away farther
- If she stands by her decision to have a break, give her the time and space for this and work on it slowly.
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What to do if your girlfriend wants a break?
Here are a few things you can do if your girlfriend wants a break:
- Having an open-ended conversation with my woman
- Introspect your role as a boyfriend
- Understand the status of your relationship
Having an open-ended conversation with your woman
In case you want to talk about this situation with your girlfriend, it might lead to a blame-game sort of argument. This usually happens when we tend to get defensive about ourselves. Being defensive acts like a roadblock in a relationship, this is especially problematic when you’re trying to have an open-ended conversation.
It’s very common for partners to feel attacked, or cornered which leads to defensive behaviour. But it is important to remember that if you want to understand what’s going on, then you both need to have a conversation with no roadblocks. Here are a few examples that you can work on :
Tips to have open-ended conversations
Most of the time we tend to say statements that have an accusative tone. Such as,
- ” You always blame me for everything,”
This in turn will trigger another defence from your girlfriend. Instead, try to use your feelings when you want to express how hurt you are. We often forget that whatever we say needs to communicate exactly how we feel. Here’s how you could communicate
- ” It hurts when you blame me constantly”
Another thing that you need to avoid is “absolute” sentences.
- ” You never understand how much I do for you”
Such statements make the other person feel like nothing can fix this issue at hand.it can also derail the conversation from the core issue. Instead, try saying,
- ” I sometimes feel bad that you don’t see how much I do for you”
Introspect your role as a boyfriend
If your girlfriend wants a break, it’s important to know how she got to this point. And what was your role in arriving at this decision. Let’s first remove the two common assumptions, that you might have gotten overly attached to your girlfriend, or that you weren’t paying attention to her needs.
Sometimes as a boyfriend you might be feeling like you’re doing everything you can, but mostly the issue arises if you haven’t been “attentive.” Being attentive means actively listening to your girlfriend, understanding the growing needs of your relationship.
Even if she might need a break, it’s better to speak to her about what you’re willing to do, and how you’re willing to change to make it better for her. Remember that introspection always helps in not only strengthening your relationship, but it also helps you understand yourself a little better.
Most of the time, problems get solved with just a little bit of introspection. You might notice some patterns or actions that are harmful if you want to build strong relationships.
Along with noticing these patterns, think about how you can correct them, and understand how it might have affected your girlfriend. If you don’t know how to make it better, speak to her about what she thinks you could do. Try to find a middle ground that might work for her and as well as you.
Understand the status of your relationship
Now all of that’s been said above is in the context of ” this is just a rough patch.” Here’s where we consider the worst-case scenario, what if your girlfriend wants a break because she wants to end the relationship. In such a situation it’s much more important to remember the points we’ve spoken about so far. Let’s understand why.
In most relationships, people feel a lot of pain mostly because of a lack of closure. This is what usually happens if your girlfriend wants a break that might phase out the relationship and eventually end it. In such a situation, you would be required to introspect and understand where you’ll stand in your relationship.
Do you also feel like it’s about to end? Is it becoming too difficult to sustain your relationship? Are you hurting each other more than loving each other? These are questions you will have to answer during this introspection.
Once you do this, it will become apparent which way this break is going. You can then have an open-ended conversation with your girlfriend. See if you’ll are both willing to give this relationship one more chance. One thing to remember is not to leave things hanging, it might be the end of your relationship, but it always helps to understand what went wrong, and how it could have been better. These answers often help in moving on in a better way.
Conclusion
If your girlfriend wants a break to respect her decision but also try to be there for her. Let her know that she can take all the time she needs, but you’re willing to stay as a friend and work on this if that’s something you’ll both want. Communication actually is the most important thing in a break, however, you need to balance it out by respecting the need for space as well.
Every time you feel like it’s slipping away from you, remind yourself of how it felt when it all began, try to remember the happy moments and figure out if you can still have those happy memories with her. You can’t force a relationship but you can help it grow by nurturing it and that’s what you’ll have to do in this break. If you do have any comments or questions feel free to let us know in the comment section below.
FAQs : My girlfriend wants a break
How long does a break in a relationship last?
Breaks in relationships last for a day to a few months depending on the cause for this break. If the causes are external then they last a bit longer because there’s not much either can do except wait for time to heal. The time needed definitely depends on the issues you are dealing with.
Should my girlfriend and I take a break?
You can your girlfriend can take a break if you both have been unhappy in the relationship off-late and need some time to figure out what is the reason for this and how better to change it.
Should I text my girlfriend while on a break?
Yes, you can text your girlfriend when you’re on a break as communication is extremely important at these times. However try not to overdo it, and be respectful of her space.
Do breaks lead to breakups?
Often breaks do lead to break-ups but mostly they help in resetting the relationship and giving you a chance to understand each other’s feelings.
What should I do if my girlfriend wants a break?
If your girlfriend wants a break, respect her wishes and allow her that space. It’s not advised to force her to stay because this could push her farther away. You could slowly work on the relationship together, but all while giving her the space she needs.
References
https://www.verywellmind.com/questions-to-build-intimacy-in-relationships-1270942
https://www.regain.us/advice/general/my-girlfriend-wants-a-break-is-the-relationship-over/
My Girlfriend Wants A Break: What It Means & What You Should Do
