My depressed boyfriend broke up with me (7 ways to reconnect)

From the following article “ My depressed boyfriend broke up with me”, you will gather information about the criticality and consequences of having a depressed partner. You will also learn how to help your partner get over the dark phase and ways to reconnect and rebuild your relationship with him.

Your depressed boyfriend broke up with you?

When your partner is suffering from depression, he or she does not have a control that could be exercised voluntarily to stop the symptoms. Your partner did not choose to be in depression, remember that. Evidence says depression is not directly linked with breakup but certain ill behaviours and actions undertaken by the patient may lead to divorce or breakup between romantic partners. 

“Depression can lead to other problems,” agrees Constance Ahrons, PhD, professor emeritus of sociology at the University of Southern California, Los Angeles, and an author and speaker based in San Diego who has researched and written about divorce. “Affairs aren’t the only problems, she says. Often, one partner may get so depressed he stops working, and that can lead to a cascade of other problems.”

If your friend is going through a tough time with clinical depression, here are some of the best gifts you can give them:

There are many ways in which you can take a step forward to solve the situation of unrest in your life. The following are some of the ways listed: 

To know about depression

Before you try reconnecting with your partner learn about what depression is and how its consequences lead to your breakup. 

Depression is a mood disorder in which normal functioning of an individual slows down and may become null if left untreated. 

One of the most critical factors a person experiences in depression is lack of self-worth and excessive worry. The patient is trapped in a cycle of excessive worry about the past, present and future. They are quite doubtful about their potentials and suffer from constant conflict about their own self worth. This doubt is inescapable and much more pervasive than the normal worries most of us experience over life’s stressors.

They are also very critical about people around them and their own selves. Those suffering from high-functioning depression are often their own worst critics, and it’s difficult to turn that criticism off.

Lack of energy and anhedonia is another critical symptom that cannot be overlooked. “For the past 7 years, I have had the smallest flickering of emotions, what I feel on a daily basis is practically nil. I have no desires to truly speak of, as nothing I do is rewarding or satisfying.” This is exactly how anhedonia feels. 

In Greek, anhedonia directly translates to “without pleasure.” It is a condition where one does not find anything interesting. They have a lack of motivation, satisfaction and interest in anything.

The symptoms of anhedonia include:

• social withdrawal
• a lack of relationships or withdrawal from previous relationships
• negative feelings toward yourself and others
• reduced emotional abilities, including having less verbal or nonverbal expressions
• difficulty adjusting to social situations
• a tendency toward showing fake emotions, such as pretending you’re happy at a wedding
• a loss of libido or a lack of interest in physical intimacy
• persistent physical problems, such as being sick often

Difference in brain activity especially in the prefrontal cortex is found to be a neurological cause behind anhedonia. Research states, this area of the brain is overactive in people with anhedonia. 

A few studies show that a part of the basal ganglia called the nucleus accumbens has been referred to as the “pleasure center”. Other brain areas involved are the striatum ( responsible for reward system) and the insula (consciousness and self-awareness).

Neurotransmitters like dopamine, GABA and Cytokine are considered responsible for anhedonia.

Genetic inheritance may be a cause behind your partner’s depression which he has not got any control over. Genes are not the only factor responsible though. Other than genetic inheritance, an individual’s experiences,environment and perceptions plays an important part as well.

One might experience stressors in their lives in the form of mishaps,tragedies and accidents such as death of a close one, experience of a natural disaster,divorce,abuse or social isolation etc.People who suffer from chronic diseases like cancer,neurodegenerative disorders may also show symptoms of depression.According to DSM-5 environmental pollutants could be a possible cause too.

In a study, full and half siblings at high risk for major depression, were compared with individuals raised in their home environment, those reared in adoptive homes (homes selected in Sweden for their high-quality rearing environment) had a significantly reduced risk for major depression. This protective effect disappeared if an adoptive parent had major depression or if the adoptive home experienced parental death or divorce during childhood/adolescence.

 The rearing environment has a meaningful impact on risk for major depression, and this effect is likely mediated both by parental depression and the continuity or disruption of the home environment.

It can be inferred that your boyfriend might have had extreme mood fluctuations which made him take such a decision of breaking up. Depression makes a person feel numb. They no more experience any feelings and emotions, nor do they realize how important you are in his life. The phase is so dark that he would end up accepting the fact that he has never loved you ever. 

As an understanding partner, you should keep your calm and try to get into the root of the problem through communication.

Communicate and comprehend 

Before you seek help from a mental health professional, try to understand what your partner is going through. Ask him what exactly he feels about his situation. Talk to him about what are the changes he is facing(physical and mental).ask him questions like, “ are you feeling low about something?”, “ have your motivation to work gone?”. Ask him if there is something else making him feel so down and low. If your partner is reluctant to communicate, please do not force him. Let him take some time, give him some space. During extensive heated anger prone interactions, try to keep your cool. Tell him how his behaviors are affecting the relationship and most importantly ruining your mental condition. 

When you try to understand and comprehend your partner, it is very important to be compassionate and gentle. Treat your partner with love, show him hope and remind yourself about his condition as an illness and that he does not have control over it. 

Help them

A relationship may be affected in many ways if one of the partners has some mental disorder. Depression is such a condition which can seriously affect interpersonal relationships. If you feel your husband’s/boyfriend’s  depression is no more tolerable and breakup is the only option available, do not leave them untreated in the mid-way. Even if you cannot stay with your partner, please help them get proper treatment and medication. What is way more important than your relationship is your partner’s health. As a human, a good friend, a well wisher please help them rather than making them feel they are responsible for the breakup. 

You should take him to a professional who will be able to dig into the root causes behind his problems. Mental health professionals specialized in the field of romantic relations are the ones who will help both of you cope with the situation and derive a solution. 

Motivate him and become his source of hope

Besides getting professional help, as a partner and more than that as a friend, you should be supportive and kind to him. Motivating him during times of distress and helping him follow a disciplined lifestyle may reduce his depressive symptoms. You have to make sure your husband/boyfriend is motivated to engage in day to day activities as well as recreations such as hobbies, games etc. As depression encompasses lack of hope and anhedonia, you should try to provide him hope, faith and commitment along with warmth and love. 

Following all the above advice, you may be able to treat the root cause of your breakup i.e. your partner’s mental health. During the treatment process, be supportive and understanding. If he thinks he needs some space and time to be left alone, offer that to him. Tell him how his depression can be detrimental to his mental health, his career, his life and his relationships. Show him the correct path towards recovery. Fight the illness together. I am sure he will further regain the trust and love he had for you. 

Conclusion

From the article above, the topic “My depressed boyfriend broke up with me” is discussed. If you are on the verge of breaking up or getting a divorce with your partner, the first thing you need to do is to understand the critical consequences of depression not only on the relationship but also on both of your mental health. With proper communication you will be able to understand the true nature of your partner’s mental illness thereby helping him in getting a proper cure.  

FAQs: “My depressed boyfriend broke up with me”

References :

https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/divorcing-depression#

Helping a depressed spouse