My boyfriend wants to sleep with others (5 key points) 

When your boyfriend wants to sleep with others what he’s asking for is an open relationship. Open relationships are accepted by most but they can also be tricky. In this post, we look at how to navigate through this situation. Where to draw the line, and how to communicate your needs with each other. 

Here are a few topics that we would be covering : 

  • Why does your boyfriend want to sleep with others?
  • How to navigate through this situation?
  • Communicating how you feel about sleeping with others
  • Drawing boundaries with each other

Why does your boyfriend want to sleep with others?

Your boyfriend may want to sleep with others for the following reasons : 

  • He wants to explore sex in different ways
  • He is comfortable being in an open relationship
  • His sexual needs aren’t being met 
  • He seems to be more interested in sex than the relationship

He wants to explore sex in different ways 

If your boyfriend is experimental and believes in trying out everything at least once, then that’s probably why he thinks it’s a good idea to sleep with others. In such a situation it is always best to set boundaries and communicate how you feel. 

He is comfortable being in an open relationship

An open relationship is usually one where you both can see other people. Open relationships are widely practised but it depends on the comfort of the two people involved. Being transparent with each other is key to a good open relationship. 

Most people prefer keeping each other informed about the other person they’re seeing. If either of you isn’t comfortable with this other person, then it’s important to voice it out. 

His sexual needs aren’t being met 

If his sexual needs aren’t being met, he could be seeking this satisfaction externally. Try to understand what your boyfriend needs and how you can help satisfy these needs. Communication is everything when it comes to sex. 

It can be helpful to experiment with when it comes to sex. Role-playing is something that usually works for a lot of people and helps in keeping both partners satisfied. 

If you’re still not aware of what your partner is expecting, let them know that you’re open to learn and try out new things. However, if you’re uncomfortable with their depends, you would have to be vocal about this as well. 

It can be difficult to be vocal when you feel like your relationship is hanging by a thread, but if you do go forward with something you’re uncomfortable with, chances are you’re not going to be happy in the relationship. 

He seems to be more interested in sex than the relationship

This is a tough situation to deal with mostly because you have a tough call to make. If you’re okay with having a casual relationship, or if you want a serious commitment. Always stay true to yourself and speak up about what you want. 

How to navigate through this situation? 

Hearing that your boyfriend wants to sleep with others can be shocking and extremely difficult to accept. But once you get past the initial shock, it’s time to figure out a way to deal with this. Clearly, this needs a conversation with your boyfriend. 

  • Your first point should be to understand why he wants to sleep with others. Is it because he thinks it’s good to experiment? Or does he only want an open relationship? 
  • If it’s just an experiment, you need to set a time frame. Find a middle ground when it comes to this, decide how long you both are willing to experiment.
  • In case your boyfriend says he wants an open relationship, you need to introspect if this is something you could work with. Take your time to make this decision.
  • If you are doubtful of your boyfriend’s intentions, such that you feel there’s another woman in the picture, then confront him about this. Doubts have no room in any relationship. 

These are important points to keep in mind when you’re having an initial conversation with your boyfriend. Always remember that it isn’t necessary that he’s being selfish, but you both could want two different things. And it’s important to figure that out at this point in your relationship, rather than later. 

Communicating your feelings about sleeping with others 

Most people find open relationships hassle-free as long as there is also an open-ended conversation. As we all know communication plays a big role in every relationship but more so in an open relationship. 

Open relationships don’t only mean that you get freedom when it comes to sleeping with other people. It might also include getting involved romantically with another person. In such a situation you would technically be dating two people at the same time. 

What to expect in an open relationship? 

When you begin to date two people at the same time it gives room to feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and even anger. Now it becomes difficult to understand if these are feelings you feel because you’re in love, or because you’re just being selfish. 

Most people view open relationships as the love that sets you free. They believe that there is no room for being selfish in an open relationship. But at the same time, certain people use open relationships for their selfishness. 

However, usually, people who want open relationships tend to make this intention clear at the beginning itself. 

If this hasn’t happened and your partner has led you to believe that you’ll have a committed relationship, then it’s time to confront your partner about their intentions. 

How to spot red flags? 

  • If your boyfriend says he wants to sleep with others, but he doesn’t want you to do the same, this is no open relationship and he’s just being selfish. 
  • If he already knows who he wants to sleep with and probably has already done it before having a conversation with you, then he has cheated on you. 
  • If he gets excessively possessive once you’ll decide on an open relationship. 
  • If he makes you feel guilty for how you’re feeling about an open relationship. 
  • If he tries to make your compromise on your core value system for the sake of the relationship. 
  • If he puts his comfort and needs before your comfort and well-being. 
  • If he doesn’t respect your decision of not wanting an open relationship and forces it on you, or blackmails you. 

Always remember that one of the biggest red flags is manipulation. If your partner tries to convince you that this is good for your relationship, even when you clearly express that you’re not okay with it, then it’s a sign of manipulation. 

Another sign of manipulation is if your partner gaslights you when you express your concerns regarding an open relationship. 

They might say things such as, “Don’t you trust me.” This is when you need to know that your partner’s intentions aren’t taking your feelings and well-being into consideration.

Setting boundaries with each other

Once you enter an open relationship, boundary setting is a must. You and your boyfriend need to decide what is acceptable and what is not. 

Some of the common boundaries are that there’s should be complete transparency. Both of you should know whom the other is seeing. If you intend to keep it just casual, then this should also be clarified. If you’re looking for a serious commitment with just your boyfriend then make sure to mention that as well. 

Sometimes you cannot reach a middle ground, and that’s when you understand that both of you want different things that you aren’t willing to compromise. 

In such a situation it’s better to rip off the bandage and make the call to end the relationship. Don’t try to force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable with. 

It’s always best to let things happen organically instead of forcing a relationship to last longer even when you’re not happy in it. 

Conclusion

When your boyfriend wants to sleep with others, try to keep in mind that this doesn’t have to turn into a fight as long as you know what you want and stick by it. Relationships are all about compromise but if this is making you compromise your core values, then maybe it’s not the one for you. 

Be open and transparent about how you feel regarding this situation. If this is something you’re willing to experiment with, then first set boundaries before you proceed. 

References :

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/stress-and-sex/201712/sexual-communication-the-bedrock-make-your-bed-rock
https://www.news-medical.net/news/20191030/Communication-key-in-open-relationships.aspx

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