My boyfriend puts his child before me (What to do?)

In this article, we will try to look at what to do when my boyfriend puts his child before me. We will also look at the different challenges of dating a single parent and the realities of dating someone who has a child. 

What to do when my boyfriend puts his child before me?

Here are a few things to remember when  your boyfriend puts his child before you 

  • Remember the child was there first 
  • He feels guilty, support him. 
  • Coordinate, Don’t Alienate 
  • Tread Conversations With Care
  • Lastly, stay patient 

Dating a person in today’s time has its own difficulties. But dating a person who has a kid, is even more difficult. You may feel that you come second every time. You may not feel that love that you long for, because most of it is going to the child. Well, parenting and committing to a new relationship together is a difficult task too. Having to balance between the two most important things of your life without anyone getting upset, is like walking on a rope. Your boyfriend who puts his child before you is already going through a lot of emotions.

 Here are a few things you can do when  your boyfriend puts his child before you 

Remember the child was there first 

The biological imperative and profound ties between a parent and kid override any ensuing relationships. While there should be an equilibrium, and you likewise need to feel that you are a need, you ought to do whatever it takes not to contend with a kid. The child is not your competition. These are two different relationships, with different needs. You should maturely handle the parent-child relationship.  As a matter of fact, this can be an intense pill for you to swallow. In any case, dating this sort of man isn’t all severe, particularly after you comprehend his point of view somewhat more. 

He feels guilty, support him. 

The main point to comprehend is that he presumably feels guilty. Constantly. Parents continually feel remorseful about how they’re bringing up their children. However, for this situation, he probably feels guilty about not being with his kids’ mom. Not giving them the “amazing family” that he presumably thought he planned to have for them when they were conceived. irrespective of the situation with the mother, he actually feels regretful. So when his children cry when he leaves and request that he read one more bedtime story that transforms into ten stories, make an honest effort to not get excessively furious. He’s in an extreme position and is likely encountering “parental job strain. 

Your boyfriend is literally torn between spending time with you and giving his child the right family. Whilst feeling guilty about his inability to give a perfect family.  He also feels regretful about not spending time with you. If he loves you, then why would he not want to be with the love of his life. You as a girlfriend need to understand this and support him instead of raging with fury. 

Coordinate, Don’t Alienate 

Attempt to gradually be part of his day by day daddy schedule. For instance, in the event that he generally goes out with his little girl on Saturday mornings, recommend fun things for him to do with her. Get him a book of inquiries he can go over with his little girl. Assume a supportive role, and over the long run, he will probably welcome you into his reality with her. In the event that you scowl at being an outsider in his relationship with his children, at that point he will feel like you are attempting to cause him to pick between them or you. Also, he’s as of now disclosed to you how that story will end. He will pick them.

Tread Conversations With Care

On the off chance that you felt completely neglected because of his relationship with his kids, attempt not to pinpoint his kids directly, or use harsh words to express yourself. Instead of saying, “you always spend time with your children” or “you prioritize your children over me”, say things like, “I felt lonely when you were not with me,” or “I really missed you yesterday.” He will likely respond with care and concern and will try to make things up to you. You want to raise your concerns with the aim to solve them not to fight because of it. If you tell him politely he will realize the need and make more effort towards you. 

Lastly, stay patient 

Put yourself in his boots. You will realize that he is not doing this out of choice. If you want to be part of his world with his children, you will need to stay patient. He might want to take things slow because he is scared of getting hurt again, or even worse, scared that his little prince or princess might get hurt. 

This does not mean that he will never want you to meet and spend time with his kid, but he also needs to make sure, you are the right person. The child is already going through a lot because its parents are divorced. He might certainly not want to add to their burden. Patience is a virtue. 

Challenges of dating a single parent

Dating a single parent is not an easy task. It follows with a lot of challenges. In this section of the article, we will look at a few challenges that you can face or feel while dating a single parent. 

My boyfriend puts his child before me

This is the major complaint of all the time. It so happens that early in your relationship, when you want to spend the most amount of time with him, he would prioritize his child. This is a challenge that is faced more than often. If this is happening to you, you are not alone.  Girlfriends usually fight with their boyfriends who put their child before their girlfriends. 

Dating a man with children and feeling left out

Maybe he needs to generally keep his children separate from his sentimental life, or he’s taking slower to mix his relationship with his home life. Or then again, perhaps you hope for something else from the relationship than is sound. Or on the other hand, possibly you each need various things from the relationship. In this case, think about filling your own existence with significant companionships, vocation, interests, and wellness. Maybe your boyfriend will welcome you into his homelife on the off chance that you are less tenacious. Or then again, you will each acknowledge you need various things from the association and head out in a different direction.

My boyfriend’s daughter is ruining our relationship

This is a harsh challenge that one faces while dating a single parent. His daughter might not like you or is not comfortable with you. In this case, he might not think of moving ahead in the relationship. In the end, if the day, you will have to stay with his daughter. Therefore, it is essential for him to feel that his daughter feels safe around you. For whatever reasons if this does not happen, there are high chances that your relationship might be ruined. To avoid this, try to build a decent relationship with his daughter. 

Realities of dating a person with a child. 

If you are on the verge of getting into a new relationship with a man who has a child, you are on the right page. We will give you some realties to prepare you for what is lying ahead. 

The child will always come first. 

 No matter what you do, or what happens, your boyfriend will always put their child before you. This may sound harsh and aggressive, but you need to understand his perspective too. You will have second place in his heart. After all, this is not that bad. The second place is where the family resides. This is an extraordinary spot where to get yourself when searching for opportunities in somebody’s heart. Coming next to the best loves of somebody’s life ain’t too terrible. These are his children; he made them, raised them, and sees himself in their eyes. Next in line to that sort of affection is comparable to initially place to some other.

Your plans will not be dependent on you. 

Your boyfriend will have to juggle between the time with his children and you. He may certainly keep his children’s needs ahead of yours in the expectation that you will understand. You may want to go to a fancy hotel for dinner, but his child might want to go to McDonald’s for a happy meal. In this case, you will have to make the sacrifice. 

Remember the kid has a mother. 

Even if you are the love of his life right now, remember there was the love of his life that existed before you, with who he has a child. Whatever might have been the reason they broke up, he will still have a soft corner for her. This is not a surprise. I mean, he married her and has a kid with her for god’s sake. In addition, he will have to go spend time with his ex, for the sake of his children. He cannot completely abandon them. 

If the child is a teen, you will have a hard time. 

Teens are not very easy to mingle with. If you plan on spending time with your boyfriend’s children, who are currently in their adolescence, remember they might not like you in the first go.  You will have t make an extra attempt. In addition to this, depending on them, they might also make fun of or laugh at you. Do not take these seriously. Remember where they are coming from. For them, you might be replacing the mother. So it is certainly not easy for them. Making faces t you or avoiding you might be their self-defense. 

Conclusion 

In this article, we have tried to look at what to do when my boyfriend puts his child before me. We have also looked at the different challenges of dating a single parent and the realities of dating someone who has a child. 

FAQs: My boyfriend puts his child before me

How long should you wait to meet your boyfriend’s kid?

This is a subjective question.  This means that it depends on your relationship and the pace it grows with. You can meet the child if you are sure about your relationship, and looking to stay together in the relationship. In addition, it also depends on the child. If the child is mature enough to understand that relationships come and go, you can meet them earlier. However, the ideal time when you should meet your boyfriend’s kid is 2 months. 

Should your partner put you first?

Putting your partner’s needs first means taking care of them emotionally. An emotionally sound person is a happy person. By doing this you will also put your needs ahead. Having a relationship with an emotionally happy person will make your relationship even more fruitful. 

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.

References 

https://deepsoulfullove.com/my-boyfriend-puts-his-child-before-me/

https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/dating-someone-with-kids/971143

https://www.wealthysinglemommy.com/dear-dudes-stop-putting-kids-first/

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