My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me (+What can I do?)

This article will discuss why relationships end, how it might feel when your boyfriend of 3 years breaks up with you. How does it feel to deal with this grief, and what are things you can do to make yourself feel better. 

How does it feel when my boyfriend of 3 years breaks up with me?

Counseling is Key to a Healthy Marr... x
Counseling is Key to a Healthy Marriage

Having your boyfriend break up with you after 3 years can be a horrible experience. It can feel like the floor was taken off of your feet. It can cause intense pain, and dealing with this may seem too hard.

Ending a relationship is a trauma, it is the breaking of a bond. And because of this, a person will have to deal with a grieving process. The grieving process is divided into five stages according to the writer Klubber-Ross. They are:

  • Denial: you might be confused, and deny what happened as a way to avoid dealing with the breakup.
  • Anger: you might feel irritated and angry about what happened.
  • Bargaining: you might reach out to them, try to find ways to get back
  • Depression: when you realize the relationship is over and you are taken by intense sadness.
  • Acceptance: you accept the breakup and can live your life with a certain sense of calm.

Why do relationships end? 

Sometimes, when your boyfriend breaks up with you, it can be without any notice. This can leave you wondering what went wrong. There are many reasons why people choose to end a relationship. These are the most common ones why your boyfriend might have broken up with you.

His feelings changed 

It can be that, over time, their feelings might have changed. There is no way one can control their partner’s feelings. And although this might seem hard, you might want to reflect that your feelings could have changed as well.

You are not a good match 

This is a tricky situation. You might be in love with a person, and still not be a good match. Your values or paths in life might be different, and love might not be enough to keep the relationship.

They are starting a new chapter 

Sometimes people are going through changing moments in their lives. It might be a new career path, or that they are moving to a new city to study. Sometimes when life changes completely, it might be that the relationship won’t follow those new paths.

Social differences 

You both can have social or cultural differences that harm the relationship. And even though people might try to work it out, at some point this can take a toll on the relationship.

Too much fighting 

You might be having too many disagreements. This can wear the relationship off with time. If you realize your relationship has been like this, you might want to communicate with them before reaching the end of the relationship.

The relationship was moving too quickly 

Sometimes the relationship moves too quickly and this can be a problem. You won’t have a strong base to deal with the problems that come with time in a relationship. 

Cheating or lying 

Cheating and lying might be something relationships won’t get past it. When people act like this, it can show signs of disrespect and can cause people to grow suspicious of their partner.

Losing your individuality

As relationships progress, people might lose their individuality and start to move silly based on the needs of their partners. This can cause them to become a burden, and the partner may lose interest in the person.

Distance

At some point, considering having a long-distance relationship can be too hard for people. And they might not want to handle the matters long-distance relationship brings.

How can I feel better after a breakup? 

Dealing with a breakup is never easy. You need to rediscover who you are without your formed partner. There are some things you can do to help you in this process. 

Say yes 

When a relationship ends, it might seem to you that loneliness is all that is left. You are dragged to that sorrowful behavior, and finding ways to get out of it seems to only make you feel guilty. But if you propose to yourself to say yes to every social invitation you have, it can help you deal with this.

Of course, at first, it will seem fake, and all you want to do is stay at home, staring at your phone to see if they will get in touch. But going to parties, hikes, to the beach, and meeting new people, will guarantee that you recover that sense of self that might have been lost in the relationship.

When you allow yourself to reclaim parts of yourself that the relationship took from you, it is something that decreases the chance of you getting depressed because of the breakup.

Take care of yourself 

After a breakup, analyzing the energy you used to put in caring for your partner, in caring for yourself can be a great remedy. Some people like to change the way they look and get a haircut, this can boost their self-esteem.

Other ways of taking care of yourself are by eating healthy and exercising. And those can lead to so many interesting things. If you decide to cook yourself better meals, you can start to go to the farmers market, this will allow you to meet new people from your community.

Exercising has the same effect. You will start to meet new people, move your body, which will do wonders for your mind and it can also bring a great benefit that is feeling better about yourself.

Reconnect with old friends 

During a long relationship, a lot can change in our relationships. Some friendships may drift apart, and you can lose touch with some of them. Trying to reconnect with them can feel a lot like reconnecting with yourself. 

Get in touch, invite them to meet up. It might be great to have your friends by your side, to talk to, to share, and support you, but also to have fun with. This can help you reconnect and make you feel at home. 

Get some distance 

In moments after the breakup, the distance might be needed. Although it can seem hard to take your ex from all of your social networks, know that having them in it will only cause you to obsess more about what they are doing and who they are with.

It might be hard to not know what is going on in the life of this person, but making this move can leave you a lot of free time and energy to focus on yourself. And of course, there are always the ones that want to show their exes they are feeling great, but not taking part in this war can be great for your mental health.

Direct energy on other things 

When you are in a relationship, most of your time and energy is taken by that person and the things you do together. Once you break up, you might feel your life has lost its sense, but as a way to rebuild it, you might want to direct your energy into other things.

Work is great for that. It is something that gives you a quick return and can give you a great sense of satisfaction. You can finally decide to take a promotion or apply for a job in another city. This might give you a great relief that you just need to consider your desires and need to make such changes in your life. 

Put yourself out there

At some point, when it feels comfortable to you, try to put yourself out there again. It doesn’t need to be to find a new boyfriend. At first, it might make you feel guilty, or even cheap. But allowing yourself to experiment with casual relationships can be a great way to remind yourself how desirable you are.

It can help you remember there is much fish in the sea, and take the things you learned from your previous relationship, to help you realize in which type of relationships you might want to be in the future.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why did my boyfriend of 3 years break up with me?  

What causes my boyfriend to come back?

Men can come back if after the break up they realize they have been taking great care of themselves. You might have lost some part of yourself in the relationship, and that is common, but getting to be yourself again, may turn them on to that person they fell in love with. This is when they will decide to come back.

How can I handle the pain of a breakup?

When you are dealing with a breakup, you can start thinking about all the things your ex might be doing. This can make your fantasies skyrocket, and bring you a lot of sadness and anxiety. Try to be aware that this is mostly fantasy, and allow the feelings to pass through you.

Allowing yourself to feel, also makes it possible to let go. Remember what are things from the relationship you want to leave behind. And try to bring some balance between your fantasies and what is going on in reality. Chances are your ex is also in pain, breakups are always hard.

Should I get in touch with my ex?

The first thing here is to consider what you want to say. Right after a break, it might take some time to suggest everything that happened. So you should only get in touch if you figure out you have something to say at this moment that needs to be said. Otherwise, you might just come across as suffocating. 

Can I be friends with my ex? 

This is something you need to consider. Do you feel you can be friends? Will your feelings get mixed up or do you feel like things are clear for you? By answering those questions, it might help you decide what to do.

What should I do if my ex gets in touch?

You might want to consider how the relationship was, and how the breakup went. Analyze if you want to hear from them, and are open to keeping in touch. The important thing here is to listen to your heart and respect your feelings.

Conclusion 

The article explained why relationships end, and how it might feel when they do. Aside from that, the article showed what are ways people deal with the grief of a relationship ending, and how to feel better after a breakup.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write in the section below.

References

https://www.vox.com/platform/amp/first-person/2017/1/3/13938008/breakup-strategies-research

Kübler-Ross, E. On death and dying. [New York] Macmillan [1969] (OCoLC)558195525

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