My boyfriend gives me anxiety attacks (+What can you do)

This article will explain why your boyfriend might be giving you anxiety attacks, and it will also explain how you can know that the anxiety attacks are coming. Along with that, the article will show what are ways you and your boyfriend can deal with this situation, and how you can cope with anxiety attacks.

Why your boyfriend is giving you anxiety attacks

Your boyfriend can give you anxiety attacks for many reasons. It might be that something is troubling you about his actions. And even though anxiety is a normal feeling, and all relationships have their problems, if you start to experience anxiety attacks constantly and intensely, it might be time to think about why this is happening.

It could be that your boyfriend is causing anxiety attacks because they are using mean language with you, they might also be intimidating you physically, and it could also be that you feel like they are hiding things from you. You could have noticed that they are getting home late, or been texting in secret.

All of this can leave you in a constant state of worry which can lead to anxiety attacks. If that is the first time you have been dealing with something like this, let’s learn how it feels to go through an anxiety attack.

The signs of an anxiety attack

Anxiety attack is not a condition named in the DSM-5, but you can say you are having an anxiety attack when you feel some of the symptoms of anxiety intensely. A person with anxiety attacks can feel worried and in distress. It might be hard for them to relax, and they can be afraid even if they don’t know why.

It also gives the person many physical symptoms such as accelerated heartbeat, chest pain, and shortness of breath. A person that is experiencing anxiety attacks can feel as if they are choking, along with dry mouth and sweating.

Not only that, anxiety attacks can cause a person to get chills and hot flashes. The person might begin to shake and feel a tingling of their extremities. They can feel dizzy, nauseated, and also get a headache.

If you feel like this is what has been going on with you in response to your boyfriend’s behavior, it might be important for the both of you to talk about it, and figure out ways to deal with it as a couple. Let’s discuss what you two can do about this situation.

How to improve your relationship

If you feel like your boyfriend has been having some behaviors that are causing you to become anxious, it might be time to talk to them about it. Not addressing those matters will only make you feel worse. 

By talking it over, there is a possibility that the two of you will find a way out of this, or if you realize that even after the conversation, they maintain their behavior, it might be a sign that this relationship needs to be reevaluated.

Try to explain to your boyfriend how their behavior has been making you feel. If you understand that your anxiety attacks are coming from the mean language they are using with you, let them know in what moments that way of talking shows up. 

It can be that you noticed a pattern, that when they are tired, or busy, they start to talk more aggressively.

If you feel like your anxiety attacks are coming from a mistrust situation, let them know what you have been thinking, and how you feel when he hides things from you. This will give them a chance to reassure you and explain what was going on.

The same thing needs to be done when talking about how you have felt intimidated physically by them. Show them how their behavior makes you feel, and how you think it would be a smarter way to deal with any issues you two might come across in the future.

All of this will make you feel relieved that you put your feelings out there, it might also clear the air and give them a chance to reassure you, and give them a chance to show how their behavior changes.

But dealing with anxiety attacks is not only based on your boyfriend’s behavior. There are some things you need to look at yourself, to try and identify your patterns and what triggers your anxiety. That can be done through therapy, and sometimes, if your symptoms are too intense, medication can be needed.

Aside from that, there are many ways you can cope with anxiety attacks. Let’s take a look at what you can do to feel better.

How to cope with anxiety attacks

If you are experiencing anxiety attacks directed to your boyfriend’s behavior, and you have talked it over with them, it might be that your anxiety attacks won’t go away from one moment to the next. So let’s discuss ways you can cope with it.

Try to change your thought pattern 

When your anxiety attacks are close, you might start to have many concerns and fears. Those negative thoughts can be so overwhelming that they will lead to an attack. If you try to change those thought patterns, try to put them in question. That will be a great way to not surrender to your fears.

Practice breathing exercises 

Having breathing exercises or meditation as part of your daily life can help you figure out ways of centering yourself easier. It will make it easier for you to focus on the present, instead of your fears. If you feel like an attack is coming, a breathing exercise can help you center yourself and even feel better.


Exercising, even if it is a short walk, can give you a great sense of well-being. It will also allow your energy, which is usually so focused on your anxiety, to go out through other ways. Along with that, exercising can give you those endorphins that will cause you some positive feelings.

Write how you feel

Putting your feelings out is a great way to not let them take over you. By putting them on paper you can organize them better, and help you understand what are feelings based on real fears, and what are part of the fear brought on by anxiety.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why is my boyfriend giving me anxiety attacks? 

Can a relationship end because of anxiety? 

Yes, relationships can end because of anxiety. When one of the partners has an anxiety disorder, they must be going through treatment. Otherwise, it might happen that they will project in their partner all of the fears and insecurities that anxiety brings them.

When you have anxiety, you live in a constant sense of worry, and you keep waiting for a tragedy to strike. Living like that can be intense suffering, and that can affect every aspect of your life. 

When going through this, try to communicate with your partner about what actions they have that might be triggering you, so they can take better care of that. But also let them know you are in treatment, and looking to get better.

With time, being careful and supportive with each other, you will both learn how to handle anxiety so it doesn’t take a toll on your relationship.

How do I know if my relationship is toxic? 

Some signs can show your relationship is toxic. The first thing that will show you that this is a toxic relationship is how happy you feel with it. If you start to feel unhappy about your relationship, it is a sign that it might be toxic.

A toxic relationship also causes you to feel negative changes in your self-esteem, your self-worth, and your personality. Those could lead to eating disorders, mental health concerns, or you can feel uncomfortable.

It can also change your other relationships. A toxic relationship makes you distance yourself from other people in your life, and you might start to feel guilty when doing things that don’t involve your partner. This change in your other relationships can happen also because other people might start to worry and try to warn you.

Those concerns should be listened to carefully, but a person usually only realizes that what they were saying was true, after the relationship has ended.

What is relationship anxiety?

Relationship anxiety is the feeling a person gets when, even though everything seems fine in the relationship, in which they start to question themselves, their partner, and even the relationship. 

When a person has relationship anxiety they might question how long the relationship can last, if their partner is the right one for them, if they are not hiding anything, or even if the relationship will last.

It normally is a common condition. People can have doubts, but the problem is when those doubts start to guide you in the relationship, make you sabotage your relationship, and cause trouble for your sense of well-being. If it is frequent, it can lead to emotional distress, loss of motivation, fatigue, and stomach ache.

What causes relationship anxiety?

Relationship anxiety can be caused by previous relationship experiences. You might have had some traumas, maybe your former partner cheated on you, or was abusive. It can also be related to low self-esteem.

If you don’t feel good about yourself, you might not understand what people will see in you, and that can cause you to question why they are with you. Your attachment style may also be related to relationship anxiety. 

If you have an avoidant attachment, you can become anxious if your relationship gets more intimate. But if you have an anxious attachment, you can be scared that your partner will leave you.

Your relationship anxiety can also be caused by a personality trait you have. You can be a person that questions things a lot, and this can also happen about the person you are with.

How can I communicate better with my partner?

When trying to communicate with your partner, you might want to say more about how you feel than about their actions. Try to let them know how you feel when they have a determined action, instead of just saying you don’t like their behavior.

This may cause them to listen more effectively, without being reactive to your behavior. This can help you to have a non-accusatory conversation. 


This article showed what may be causing your boyfriend to give you anxiety attacks, and how you can know when they are coming. Not only that, it explained what are ways you both can handle the anxiety attacks to not damage the relationship, and how you can cope with them when you have it.