Meeting someone for the first time after texting (A brief guide)

In this guide we will discuss “meeting someone for the first time after texting”, more specifically when you have met someone online and have been corresponding via text message.

Here we will present some tips and a few things to consider before meeting for the first time after texting.

Meeting someone for the first time after texting

Meeting someone for the first time after texting can be nerve-wracking and make us feel very anxious about the encounter.

However, let’s consider how in this modern era where technology leads and determines how we meet people then we can assume how normal and common it is. 

There are several dating apps and just to name a few we could talk about the famous Tinder, Plenty of Fish (POF), Badoo, Bumble, Happn, Coffee meets bagel, MeetMe, Grindr, etc. there are several more of those out there and people seem to have at least 2 or 3 already installed on their smartphones.

Pretty common right? But, what happens when you happen to actually “meet” someone and text back and forth for a few days until you both decide to meet?

Is normal if we start panicking and think about what could possibly go wrong and why you should meet this person.

It can actually go two ways, either we tend to keep making plans with our new friend or potential date and then cancel last minute with some weird excuse like “my cat just died” or simply find the courage to meet for a coffee or a drink. When we base our interaction through texting, we tend to feel more comfortable and feel “ourselves” displaying bits and pieces of our personality or definitely pretending to be someone we are not.

This is where we have to mention the potential “disappointments”, for instance if your date turns out to be a “catfish”. 

Before meeting someone for the first time after texting, unless we met them through a mutual friend, and we are certain they do exist then going through with making plans to see each other will be much easier than the uncertainty of not knowing if the person on the other side of the phone is real, who they say they are and if they have good intentions.

Feeling anxious before meeting someone for the first time after texting (a first date) feels like when we feel nervous around a girl we like, when we go for a job interview or when presenting in front of an audience.

What do they all have in common? Our anxiety building up each time, no matter the circumstance or the context.

Here we will mention some tips and tricks to cope with anxiety when meeting for the first time after texting.

How Long To Text Before considering meeting In Person?

OK, so we all have asked ourselves this question.

Although consider how you would want to move slowly to get to know the other person enough so you can move on to the next step of having an actual date.

We think you can relate with the following scenario if you have been in the online dating scene for a while now.

So, imagine how you have this great chemistry when texting but then you meet in person and then you aren’t attracted to the person at all or it was not what you were expecting (due to super high expectations). 

The second scenario is not having much “texting chemistry” but when meeting face to face then you find out you have a lot in common and feel super attracted to this person.

The third scenario is when there is no chemistry online nor in person, what you can do here is just keep moving forward and don’t be discouraged because it didn’t work out as you expected. 

Answering the question then, you may want to meet the person as soon as possible so you won’t feel as disappointed for investing a lot of time texting or wasting your time with someone you don’t really feel attracted to. 

Try to keep the texting light because we tend to create a false sense of intimacy over text, and we end up sharing a lot of personal experiences and secrets that we wouldn’t dare to share in person. 

  1. Online Dating vs. meeting in person

When we are dating someone online, every time they send a message our heart starts beating faster, and we feel nervous, specially during the first interaction.

However, if we are eager to start a relationship then we will just rely on how the person makes us feel and won’t even bother asking for too many pictures or video chatting. 

We know how nice it feels to think we have found the one and if we just keep texting then they will remain our “perfect” story but, it is important to ask to meet in person for the first time after texting for a while.

Moreover, just suggest it and put it out there, not everyone feels ready the first time to go on a date after meeting online.

Remember they are maybe feeling the same way you do, very nervous about that first date or meeting, so give them some time and space.

  1. Wait (a reasonable amount of time) for confirmation

Great, the person on the other side of the phone has agreed to see you after talking for a while via text message.

You are feeling ecstatic but also very nervous, now you have to think about where you will meet, what you will wear and inevitably will think about how the date will go.

Will it be a good date or a bad one?

Now it is important to wait until they confirm when they are available to meet and if you have already suggested a place then, all you have to do is wait.

However, consider waiting for a couple of dates and if there is no confirmation yet just remind him/her about the meet up.

This will also show interest in meeting them in person and that you haven’t forgotten about it.

If they sound dubious or “I will let you know later”, then it is important to consider how maybe they are not ready or not really interested in meeting so avoid pushing any further.

  1. Meet in a comfortable place for both

Yes, it would be ideal if you can meet somewhere both parties can feel comfortable but sometimes it is not possible.

Always discuss the place with him/her so you can both agree where to meet and if both feel comfortable with the choice.

Remember, the place you arrange for the first date can cause a positive or negative impact (outcome) on the date.

  1. Wear smart but comfortable clothes

If you are trying to cause a positive impression in your “crush” or this special person you have been corresponding for a few days already then dress for the occasion but remembering to dress comfortably.

Try to wear a remarkable cloth for him/her and your best perfume (hopefully they are not allergic to it).

The recommendation is to avoid going too casual or with that hoodie you used to stay at home in bed or during Sunday mornings to go running.

Being presentable will send the message that you actually made an effort and value the situation/opportunity to meet in person.  

Why is this blog about meeting someone for the first time after texting important?

This blog about meeting someone for the first time after texting is important because modern times actually pushes us to give the “online dating scene” a chance.

Specially when we have met someone that actually met a girlfriend/boyfriend online. So as discussed, to avoid getting “catfished” or wasting too much of our time and energy in online dating without actually having a future in the end then, it is recommended to meet in person after a couple of days or a few weeks tops. 

This will prevent having a huge disappointment if the person we end up meeting is not up to out expectations or what we are actually looking for.

Also, remember it is normal to feel nervous specially if we are meeting someone we have just seen over pictures but safety should always be a priority!

Please feel free to leave any comments or thoughts about the content of this article!

Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about meeting someone for the first time after texting

How long after texting should you meet?

There is no “universal” timeline of how long after texting you should meet someone in person.

However, between a few days to a month would be enough time to talk and decide whether it may be a good idea (or not) to meet in person.

How should you act when meeting someone for the first time?

You should act natural and just being yourself when meeting someone for the first time.

However, if you would like to make yourself memorable and make your date remember your time together (and specially you) make sure to:

– Prepare a possible list of topics you feel comfortable with but don’t show it to your date or mention you have one. Try to appear as natural as possible by keeping the conversation going.

– Be honest about what you think but without being rude or too controversial.

– Be a little unusual so your date can have that feeling of you being “unique”, wanting to know more about you.

– Use confident body language by practising in front of a mirror.

– Trigger emotions and make sure to smile.

– Be an active listener, engage by asking questions and be genuinely interested.

Is it awkward meeting someone for the first time?

It can be considered awkward meeting someone for the first time but that is absolutely normal.

For some people it is just about going through the first few minutes of the date, and then they can actually feel as if they have known each other their whole lives in a matter of an hour or so.

If you really feel awkward, make sure to keep the conversation flowing but without forcing it (try to find common ground). 

What should I text a guy after first meeting?

When texting a guy after the first meeting consider:

– Suggest meeting a second time by mentioning something that came up during your first meeting. 

– Comment on something you liked or was very positive about your first date.

– Boost their ego or make a compliment about something they were wearing or something they did you found funny or interesting. 

– Thank them and leave the possibility open to meet up a second time.

What can I text a guy to make him smile?

According to commitmentconnection.com, you could try some of the following to make him smile:

– “Let’s sneak away for pizza this afternoon!” or “Let’s just call in sick tomorrow and go to the beach.”

– “I had a weird dream about you last night. You and I were at the fair and then you leaned closer and whispered…[random].

– What do you think that means?”

– “I smile like an idiot when I start talking to you!”

– “I like you…you cheer me up even on bad days.”

– “I feel something really strong for you…but in a way I can’t explain.”

– “Something’s happening tonight!…”

– “Good morning, handsome.”

– “If you kiss me like that again, I won’t be responsible for what I do.”

Meeting someone for the first time from Tinder

When meeting someone for the first time from tinder, you can follow these tips:

  • Meet in public place
  • Meet breakfast or lunch rather than dinner
  • Plan an activity that you like doing 
  • Talk about things you have in common 
  • Make sure you know the person well.
  • Don’t get too intimate when meeting them for the first time.

When meeting someone for the first time from Tinder you need to first make sure that you are as safe as you can be, whether you are a girl or a boy, because tinder dates are some o the most risky things a single young person can do.

Also, despite the reputation tinder has cultivated for being an app where people “Hookup”, you need to make sure that when meeting someone for the first time from Tinder, you don’t go ahead with any suggestions they make to go back to their place or to go to a private place, because it can leave you with very unpleasant experiences.

Meeting someone for the first time after talking for months

Meeting someone for the first time after talking for months is nerve-wracking, so follow these tips:

  • Try to do an activity together
  • Tell them you are nervous too
  • Do video and audio calls before meeting
  • Talk to them about what you will do
  • When you meet to talk about things you already have before

When you are meeting someone for the first time after talking for months, it can feel very relieving and odd, and if you are nervous make sure you share that with the other person because they probably feel the same way, and this will give you both the confidence that both of you are just as invested in the relationship.

Meeting someone for the first time after talking for months can feel slightly jarring as well, because you are meeting someone that you have known so intimately for so long, and now you are suddenly meeting this brand-new person who is the same one you have talked to, but not quite.

The key to dealing with this dissonance is that when you are meeting someone for the first time after talking for months is to ensure that it feels like the same relationship as before, and one thing you can do for this is to start talking about something random right before you are supposed to meet, and then restart the topic when you meet.

This helps you feel like it is the same person and you instantly move the level of comfort from your online chats to the real world situation, which often eliminates the awkward first moments when you meet someone you have been talking to online for months but in person you feel there is nothing to say.

Meeting someone for the first time after knowing them online

When you are meeting someone for the first time after knowing them online, you can try the following:

  • Do video and audio calls before meeting
  • Meet in a public place
  • Try a new activity together
  • Talk about things you learned about them online
  • Discuss what your expectations are from this
  • Talk about common interests
  • Try to meet in the daytime for the first time.
  • Make sure someone knows where you are, share your location with a loved one.
  • Talk to them about nerves beforehand, it will help them to know that you are nervous too.
  • Take pictures and make sure you keep some mementos if you have a good time.
  • Go in with a positive attitude; if it turns out well, you’ll have fun, if not, it’ll still make for a good story.
  • Split the bill with them, whether you are a boy or girl.

When meeting someone for the first time after knowing them online it is only natural to feel the nerves fluttering and heart beating, and to deal with this you need to make sure that you talk it through with them, and if you don’t feel comfortable enough to share that with them, you need to hold off on the meeting for now.

Get to know the person very well before meeting them for the first time after knowing them online, because many instances of online friendships can be catfish situations and you could even be in danger in some of them.

Recommended reading

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.

References 

Bestfamilylife.com: “Follow these steps when meeting someone for the first time after texting”

Shatto, R. (2019, Sep.) How Long Should You Text Before Having A first Date? Experts Weigh In. Retrieved from Elitedaily.com.

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