Love people who are worth loving (How do I know someone is worth loving?)
People who are worth your time and effort are people who are willing to work with you to set healthy boundaries, communicate, and grow together and individually.
Relationships can be a challenge, especially when you have gone past the honeymoon phase and have now begun to see the other person for who they are.
After a point of time you realize that you and your partner are vastly different in the way you both deal with things in your life, your goals, and the direction in which you are headed.
Oftentimes this can bring tension into the relationship, there might be misunderstandings that arise and fights that ensue. It might even leave you wondering if this person is worth your time and effort.
In this guide we are going to look into what makes a person worth the effort and investment you put into the relationship and what you can do to gain clarity on whether you should stay or leave the relationship.
People worthy of love
You have to understand that every individual on this planet is worthy of love- no matter where they are from, what they have done, and where they are headed. Each individual needs love in their lives- a sense of belongingness and acceptance.
This basic need to be cared for and supported comes from our basic psychological needs. It is only after this need of love and belongingness have been met can a person grow to attain milestones that can further their progress in life.
So the bottom line is, your partner is worthy of love. In spite of what they may or may not be doing within the relationship that causes a lot of tension between the two of you, they are worthy of love.
However, you have to remember that it doesn’t have to be your responsibility to meet their needs to feel loved, or to belong. After all, you are also human. You are learning to love yourself as well.
Relationships and boundaries
As previously mentioned, it is not your sole responsibility to meet all their needs. They have to pull their weight in the relationship too.
What this means is that you and your partner, like all relationships, need to set boundaries that allow each of your needs to be met without compromising the well- being of the other.
Boundaries are important in the sense that it allows you and your partner to communicate each other’s needs and expectations while also considering what you both are capable of investing into the relationship.
Only when your expectations, realistic ones, are worked out and each is aware of the others needs can you work together to meet them. This doesn’t mean they give you what you need but rather work with you to provide for that need, interdependently.
Only by working together to grow this relationship through communication and respecting each other’s boundaries can the relationship be healthy and fulfilling.
If this is not met, you will be left with tension in the relationship where you feel like you are the only one who has been invested. You may feel dissatisfied and left with the question of, “is this worth it?” “Are they worth it?”
Taking stock of your relationship
Let us take a moment to look at your partner objectively as a way to get clarity on whether your current relationship is something you’d like to invest yourself in. This doesn’t only have to be limited to romantic relationships but can apply to your friendships too.
As we go through this list, invite yourself to be compassionate with yourself and separate yourself from the couple- Your well-being must come first.
Every relationship has its problems however a relationship that is worth growing is one where there is:
Open and honest communication
A relationship that is worth trying and worth your investment is one where there is space to communicate honestly and openly. This means your partner is open to expressing their needs and so are you.
When there are things in the relationship that either of you may need- for example, you would like more personal space, or they would like to spend more time together on the weekends, communication is the best way to achieve it.
Communication also involves talking about where you want the relationship to go, discussing plans for the near future, finances, family planning if both of you are planning on starting a family, and careers.
It is important to communicate so that both of you are aware of where you stand, so that decisions can be made together or maybe meet somewhere in the middle.
Desire to grow together
Being able to communicate in a way that is honest and open is not the only criteria. The relationship must also grow to meet these needs. This means that your partner is willing, and enthusiastic about working together to meet each other’s needs.
There must also be a healthy approach to setting goals for the relationship, not the partner individually but rather through joint effort. For example, managing your finances to buy a house together or working together to grow emotionally.
Growth can mean different things to different people and couples, having open discussions to identify these goals is one place to start but if a relationship is to be worth your time and effort, your partner must as be enthusiastic and invested in growing with you.
A healthy relationship is one where there is mutual respect. Your partner respects your needs and your boundaries. They are mindful of their words and their behaviour when it comes to each other.
Respect also means that they are respectful of your interests- they don’t mindlessly criticise the shows that you enjoy, they are respectful of the joy it brings you. They are respectful of the things you love and the people you care about as well.
They also treat you and your body with care. They understand your physical boundaries and are mindful of what you are comfortable with and abide by them.
Equal give and take
What makes a relationship worth the effort is that your effort is rewarded with the same amount of investment from your partner.
There is an equal transaction of emotional attachment, effort, support, care, love etc- your needs are met while their are too.
This equal transaction requires respect, communication, and desire to grow together.
Space to grow
A relationship that allows you to grow individually, gives you space and freedom to pursue your personal and professional goals is one that is worth investing in.
If your partner is someone who is excited about your growth as they themselves grow individually, it is one that can be fulfilling. However, this particular requirement is not exclusive to the rest.
A relationship or a person that is worth it is one that accepts you for who you are- you and your flaws and limitations. Your partner or someone who is worth it is someone who accepts you wholly and does not try to change you.
They are respectful of where you are in life and supports you on your journey to become better. However you have to understand that they are mindful of your boundaries and do not try to “fix you”.
Instead with acceptance, they are patient and kind to the flaws your struggle with and help you see parts of yourself that make you worthy of love.
In this guide we explored what makes a person worth of love and how boundaries in relationships work. We also took stock of relationships that are worth the effort by exploring some factors that, together, make a relationship healthy and the person worth your effort.
Frequently asked questions related to “Love people who are worth loving (How do I know someone is worth loving?)”
Is loving someone worth it?
Taking the opportunity to love someone can be fulfilling. It can help you grow into a better version of yourself provided that you are mindful of your boundaries and theirs. Protecting yourself and your well-being can be an effective way to protect yourself from hurt.
Love or the act of loving is an experience that is part of a person’s growth and can be worth the uncertainty of being hurt provided you are able to view the experience from a healthy and optimistic way.
Is love worth fighting for?
Some relationships and some people are worth fighting for provided that it does not take a toll on your well-being. Fighting for a relationship or a person or love itself can be tasking. Everyone is worthy of love, especially you.
Do you give up on someone you love?
Give up on a relationship if your needs are not being met after you have made attempts to communicate it to them. If your partner is not investing themselves to you like you are to them, an equal amount then it could be that it is time to move on.
You are not giving up on love but rather acknowledging that the relationship does not serve its purpose and moving forward.
Should you fight for a relationship?
A relationship that is toxic- that only takes from you and negatively impacts your well-being is not worth fighting for, especially when your partner is not willing to grow with you.
When all attempts to communicate, change your behaviours, plan out interventions have failed- it usually fails because the other party is not pulling its weight.
Instead of fighting alone, take the time to sit your partner down and communicate to them that this is not working out and that there needs to be equal give and take.
If this fails because you find yourself alone in the struggle and your needs are not acknowledged, then the relationship is not worth investing anymore of your effort.
When should you give up on a relationship?
Here are some things to let you know when to let go of your relationship and move forward:
- Your needs aren’t being met in spite of your attempts to communicate it to them honestly and openly..
- You’re afraid to be honest or express yourself openly to your partner for fear of their reaction.
- You don’t feel emotionally and physically safe anymore.
- You are emotionally drained out, depressed, and anxious about the relationship.
- You no longer know who you are because of immense pressure from your partner to behave or be a certain way.
- You feel obligated to stay with your partner- not because you want to but because there is something that makes you feel trapped with them.