I’m an adult virgin (Anything wrong?)

In this blog post, we discuss the reasons why a person has never been in a relationship, why someone may still be a single and adult virgin; when it is the time to lose your virginity and what is asexuality. 

I’m an adult virgin

First, we must clarify that being a virgin is not a disability.

There is nothing wrong with being an adult virgin, there is nothing wrong if you want to wait for the right moment, the right person or you feel that you are not sexually attracted to other people (i.e asexual).

It’s not a bad thing if you never have been in a relationship or if you never had sexual relationships.

There is no timeline (or deadline) for when someone should start being sexually active. 

However, virginity becomes a problem for some people, especially as they get older.

At some point, it can even become a burden.

What makes a person wait?

Both doctors and psychologists say that there is no ideal age for the beginning of sexual life.

Instead, it takes physical and emotional maturity to have a happy sexual debut.

Physical maturity is reached from the onset of menstruation when the girl becomes a woman and can become pregnant.

In boys, this process happens even earlier, when they become aware of physical pleasure.

Emotional maturity, however, does not have a biological age.

Even a person who enjoys great professional success and seems very self-controlled, we can deal emotionally with a child.

In addition to emotional immaturity, there are external factors that prevent a person from enjoying their own sexuality. 

Society: Sexuality is still a taboo subject. The media promotes sex as a social activity and does not show the implications at the mental level.

In other words, it’s important not only to know “how to put on makeup and how to behave on your first date,” but also to know what your expectations are and to be willing to really know the person next to you before starting a relationship. 

It’s still quite sad to see that a person could spend days looking for a certain type of TV, and when it comes to a partner to ask so few questions about the fit between them in terms of needs and expectations.

Family: In traditional families, sex is a rigidly approached topic.

Often mothers can pass on to their daughters, consciously or not, this “fear” of not being hurt.

The chances of a woman who grew up with such beliefs having a fulfilled sex life are low from the start.

She will avoid a relationship at all costs and even more so she will avoid intimacy. 

The Church: An important component of this “expectation” has its origins in the dogma of the church that links the idea of ​​intimacy with that of marriage. 

Career: There is a huge social pressure to succeed in their careers, and young people at the beginning of the road decide that it is much harder to take this step compared to their parents.

But at the same time, they mature physically much faster than they did in the past and, from a hormonal point of view, they become “interested” in sexuality faster. 

This is where a real conflict arises between what I want and what I am allowed to do. 

Is there a good time to lose virginity?

The time for losing one’s virginity is different for each of us, but it would be preferable to wait until we are sexually mature and considered adults, i.e after 18 years.

In addition to maturity, it would be advisable to be with the right person so that the “first time” remains memorable.

The expectations we will have from an intimate relationship will depend on this “first time”, but also the way we will perceive the intimacy with our partner.

Being prepared for the loss of virginity means, first of all, that you want this and you are not constrained (by your partner, by society).

Then it is necessary to trust your partner (preferably to have a relationship between you and more than a physical attraction), not to think about the lack of experience (clumsiness has its charm) and to focus only on the senses.

It is no longer necessary to remember that contraception is vital from the first sexual contact.

It is very important how you choose the right person, the boy/girl with whom you sincerely want to take this step.

When you have a stable relationship, in which there is mutual love and you feel that you both want this step and you feel ready, then the decision can come naturally.

On the other hand, if you have a relationship in which things do not go as you would like and you feel that your partner does not appreciate and respect you, it is good to take into account that having sex with that person will not improve things. 

If your partner is trying to rush you to make this decision by arguing that sex will increase the quality of the relationship, it is good to know that things are really the other way around: a beautiful and solid relationship can lead to sex, but sex does not lead to a beautiful relationship!

Furthermore, the feeling that you are ready for sex can come at different times for everyone.

It is very important that the decision to have the first sexual contact is a personal one and not made under the pressure of those around you or your partner. 

Many people around you may have already started having sex and are talking about it, but that doesn’t mean you have to.

As I said, everyone decides for himself and for his future. Make the decision when you feel that you are ready both morally and physically!

As for girls, do not let your partner’s pressure influence you in this regard, sexual consent is the number 1 rule.

Additionally, for this decision, you need to be emotionally and mentally ready. 

Even if you have heard that sex can be very pleasurable and you are beginning to feel sexual desire, the timing of this decision is to be able to tell the difference between right and wrong, to understand the consequences and risks, the responsibility to choose a safe method of contraception and the need to be informed about how the body works. 

When you inform yourself, you can understand all these aspects much easier and you can avoid the installation of an unwanted pregnancy or the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

I’m an adult virgin, am I asexual? 

We live in a sexualized society – the emphasis is on who has sex, where, when and who the partners are.

Although sex is constantly in the attention of most, there are some people who, on the contrary, do not find their place in such a climate. 

Those people do not feel physical attraction, they do not feel the desire to have sex, they simply do not have this need.

This is asexuality and it is not about choosing to abstain, but it is part of one’s character.

Like homosexuality or heterosexuality, asexuality is a sexual orientation.

What is asexuality? It is a fairly rare condition, scientists say, but more and more cases are beginning to appear in the world.

Asexuality is not caused by a mental problem or childhood trauma, but can rather be characterized as the absence of sexual desire. 

Although asexuals do not feel these needs, they can be emotionally close to other people, whether they are of the same sex or the opposite sex.

Also, an asexual man is able to get aroused, but arousal is not perceived in the same way: he will not make the connection with the physiological response of his body, i.e he does not feel the need to have sex.

Like us, asexuals have feelings and emotions. They can fall in love, they can have relationships, they can connect emotionally with other people.

But when it comes to sex, it’s up to them if they want to satisfy their partner.

As I said above, they can be aroused, but they do not perceive arousal as a need to be satisfied.

Those who want children resort to in vitro fertilization or adoption.

Reasons why you’re still single and what to do about them

• You believe that you do not deserve the love of others. This is a common belief learned from unpleasant experiences, and it sabotages our present because we carry suffering from the past into the future. 

• You believe that there is no one good enough for you. This is a form of defence mechanism in which we either defend ourselves or those around us.

• You believe that your partner must fix all your problems. It is not healthy, moral and beneficial to want someone just to solve your frustrations. No one can make us happy and no one should carry this burden. 

• You are looking for an “ideal” indoctrinated by your parents, society, and the media. Here I can only be very direct: if you do what society says, you absolve yourself of any guilt or responsibility, but let it be clear that this means that you live a life imposed by others! 

• You are waiting for the ideal person to find you. If we are locked in our cage where we have the illusion of the comfort of not suffering and not risking making choices and actions, what good thing can happen to us?

• You are okay with anyone. When we do not trust ourselves, we do not know what we want, we give in to the emotions of the moment and then we end up suffering. One thing should be very clear to us, namely that simple chemistry is not loved! Nor should the scream of hormones be associated with love.

• You believe that love is a myth. There is a big difference between loving and being in love. The problem I see is that many of us remain or rely only on the first phase, namely that “love” from the beginning, which disappears, and after a while what remains is only the character of a man. 

If you are interested to read more about the reasons why you are single, check out this article I wrote a few weeks ago. 

Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.

Conclusions

In this blog post, we discussed the reasons why a person has never been in a relationship, why someone may still be a single and adult virgin; when it is the time to lose your virginity and what is asexuality. 

Many people think I’m an adult virgin and instantly become ashamed and think that there is something wrong with them. 

Being a virgin is not a disability.

There is nothing wrong with being an adult virgin, there is nothing wrong if you want to wait for the right moment, the right person or you feel that you are not sexually attracted to other people (i.e asexual).

Please feel free to ask any questions or to leave a comment on the content!

Recommendations

1. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman

1. How to find the partner you truly are looking for, by Dushanka Klisic

2. Law of Attraction for Love: Guided Meditation to Manifest and Attract Your Soul Mate, Have Better Relationships and Find Happiness with a Partner Using Daily Positive Thinking Affirmations, by Joel Thompson