Author bio

Page last updated: 14/11/2022


In this brief guide, we will discuss the book, “I hate you don’t leave me.” Here you can read about borderline personality disorder, and get information about the book “I hate you don’t leave me” written by Dr J. Kreisman and H. Straus.

I Hate You Don’t Leave Me: Am I losing my mind?

People with Borderline Personality Disorder experience such violent and frightening mood swings that they often fear for their sanity.

They can be euphoric one moment, despairing and depressed the next.

There are an estimated 10 million sufferers of BPD living in America today — each displaying remarkably similar symptoms:

  • a shaky sense of identity
  • sudden violent outbursts
  • oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection
  • brief, turbulent love affairs
  • frequent periods of intense depression
  • eating disorders, drug abuse, and other
  • self-destructive tendencies
  • an irrational fear of abandonment and an
  • inability to be alone.

For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat.

However, now, for the first time, Dr Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Straus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families to understand and cope with this troubling, shockingly widespread affliction.

I hate you don’t leave me: What is borderline personality disorder?

Borderline personality disorder (emotionally unstable, unstable, socio-cultural, social development) is a personality disorder characterized by high impulsivity, low self-control, emotional stability, high anxiety, and a healthy level of desocialization.

Borderline personality disorder can also coexist with other mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and addiction, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, post-traumatic stress disorder, phobias, and other personality disorders. 

Jerold J. Kreisman, “I hate you don’t leave me.”

Jerold J. Kreisman (December 28, 1947) is a psychiatrist, one of the world’s leading experts on borderline personality disorder.

Jerold is an associate clinical professor at the University of St. Louis, Missouri. Member of the American Psychiatric Association.

J. Kreisman’s book, “I hate you don’t leave me. Understanding the borderline personality” translated into several languages.

He gives lectures around the world and takes part in many media programs, including the Oprah Winfrey show.


“I hate you don’t leave me”: Book preface.

When the first edition of I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me was published in 1989, very little information was available to the general public on the subject of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Research into the causes of and treatments for BPD was in its infancy. The few articles that had appeared in consumer magazines vaguely outlined the disorder as it began to infiltrate the “American consciousness.”

There were virtually no books on BPD for the patient or the patient’s close family and friends.

The response to our book, both in this country and abroad with foreign translations, has been most gratifying.

My intention to produce a work accessible to the general public, yet functional for professionals with useful references, seems to have been fulfilled.

To say that a lot has happened in this area over twenty years is a vast understatement.

Several other books on BPD have been published, including our own Sometimes I Act Crazy (2004), describing the experience of this illness from the perspectives of afflicted individuals, family members, and treating professionals.

Greater understanding of the etiology, biological, genetic, psychological, and social implications and treatment approaches have added exponentially to our knowledge.

So the challenge of writing this second edition was to highlight and explain the most significant advances, present useful, referenced information for the professional, and yet manage the length of the book so it can continue to serve as an engaging introduction to BPD for the lay reader.

A few chapters needed only updating, but others, especially those on the possible biological and genetic roots of the syndrome, were extensively rewritten in order to incorporate the latest scientific research.

Additionally, specific psychotherapeutic approaches and drug treatments have evolved to such an extent that it was necessary to include entirely new chapters on these topics.

The book’s reliance on real-life case stories, to give the reader insight into what life is like for—and with—a borderline, continues in this edition, though the backdrop of these stories was altered to reflect the changes in American society from one century to the next.

Perhaps the most significant change from the first edition is one of overall tone: whereas the prognosis for patients was understandably bleak two decades ago, it is now (based on numerous longitudinal studies) much more positive.

However, despite these advancements, it is disappointing to review the preface to the first edition and recognize that misunderstanding and especially stigma still run rampant.

BPD remains an illness that continues to confuse the general public and terrify many professionals. As recently as 2009, a Time magazine article reported that “borderlines are the patient’s psychologists fear most” and “many therapists have no idea how to treat them.”

As Marsha Linehan, a leading expert on BPD, noted, “Borderline individuals are the psychological equivalent of third-degree burn patients. They have, so to speak, no emotional skin. Even the slightest touch or movement can create immense suffering.”

1 Nevertheless, the development of specific therapies and drugs targeted at the disorder (see chapters 8 and 9) has provided some relief from patients’ burdens, and perhaps more important, public awareness of BPD has grown significantly from what it was in 1989.

As you will see in the Resources section at the end of this book, the number of books, websites, and support groups has proliferated.

Perhaps the most definite sign of public acknowledgment occurred in 2008 when Congress designated May as “Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month.”

Still, enormous challenges remain, primarily financial. Reimbursement for cognitive medical services is shamefully, disproportionately small.

For one hour of psychotherapy, most insurance companies (as well as Medicare) pay less than 8 percent of the reimbursement rate allocated for a minor outpatient surgical procedure, such as a fifteen-minute cataract operation.

Research for BPD has also been inadequate. The lifetime prevalence rate of BPD in the population is twice that of both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder combined, and yet the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) devotes less than 2 percent of the monies apportioned to the studies of those illnesses to research on BPD.

2 As our country tries to control health care costs, we must understand that investment in research will eventually improve the health of this country and thus lower long term health care costs.

However, we will need to reevaluate the priorities we place on limited resources and recognize that rationing may impact not only delivery of care but also advancements toward a cure.

Many have kindly referred to the original publication of the book as the “classic” in the field.

After two decades, it has been a labor of love to revisit our work and update the voluminous data accumulated during this interval.

I hope that by refreshing and refurbishing our initial effort, we can play a small part in rectifying the misunderstandings and erasing the stigma associated with BPD and retain the honor of being referenced widely as a primary resource. 

                                                                                              —Jerold J. Kreisman, MD 

“I hate you don’t leave me”: Review.

Here is the review of the book “I hate you don’t leave me” by chapters:

Chapter one

In the first chapter of “I hate you don’t leave me”, the author presents readers, “The world of the borderline.” He brings some examples of people with borderline disability disorder and explains what the nature of the disorder and its features is.

Chapter two

J. Kreisman places BPD against a foundation of every one of the ten Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) character issue, and investigates the various judgments, stressing how now and again they can seem to cover and co-present in a marginal patient.

Chapter three and four

In the chapters 3 and 4 are the arrangements with the various causes and contributing components of BPD, including hereditary, formative (situated in object relations hypothesis), natural (injury), lastly, social. This last class is investigated in more prominent detail, as the creators estimate that ongoing movements in our cultural cosmetics have added to the pervasiveness of BPD in recent years. The ascent of web-based life, less static character jobs, and gathering and family fracture are altogether referenced as significant wonders.

Chapter five

In the fifth chapter is described as a structured method to communicate with people with a borderline personality disorder. It can be easy for family, friends, and therapists to use in communication with the person who has this disorder and may help convince a borderline to consider treatment.

Chapter six

In the sixth chapter of “I hate you don’t leave me”, the author shows ways to recognize borderline disability disorder and gives tips to cope with it.

Chapters seven, eight and nine

Kreisman talks about therapy, psychotherapeutic approaches, and medications.

Chapter ten

In the last tenth chapter of “I hate you don’t leave me” is described understanding and healing.

“Nowhere, you see, it takes all the running you can do to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that.” 

                                                                                                                  Lewis Carroll 

  1. HFNE “ADHD and anxiety”
  2. HFNE “Agitated depression”
  3. I Hate You Don’t Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
  4. Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
  5. Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship


In this brief guide, we reviewed the book of J. J. Kreisman’s book, “I hate you don’t leave me.”

We gave some information about the author, also explained what is borderline personality disorder and described the chapters of the book. Reading the book, you can understand what BPD is, and you can learn ways how to communicate with people who have that disorder.

Please feel free to comment on the content or ask any questions in the comments section below.


  1. J. Kreisman & H. Straus “I hate you – don’t leave me”
  2. The contradiction I hate you don’t leave me