I hate myself and everyone else (7 effective ways to self-love)

From the article below, we will gather information about what to do when you feel you hate yourself and everyone else. It also talks about the reasons behind self-hatred and how to overcome it and incorporate self-love instead.

When do you feel like “ i hate myself and everyone else?”

It is when you have tried a lot but all your efforts to change yourself have gone in vain. Your hatred for yourself and everyone else comes from feelings of unworthiness which is experienced by every human at some point. We all are running after making ourselves perfect and beautiful in the eyes of others. When you fail to reach the society’s   standards,you eventually end up hating yourself and the society around you. You experience humiliation and insult for the littlest of things; you punish yourself for every mistake no matter how petty it is; you just end up being harsh on yourself more than anyone. You end up feeling gloomy and helpless. 

The rock bottom that you have hit is a dark place to survive for long. Your hatred for yourself and everyone will be gone after you read this article with utmost attention. 

From where does Self-Hatred come from?

A research study done on critical inner voice and self hatred by Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone found that the most common self-critical thought among a diverse population of subjects is that they think they are different from other people. They perceive themselves as someone different, but in a negative way.

We should know that our self has two dimensions  : one, “the real self”, another “the anti self”. The real self is that side of us which gives us a positive perspectives such as 

self-acceptance, goal-directedness and life-infirmity while an “anti-self is a side of us that is self-hating, self-denying, paranoid and suspicious.

Self-hatred comes from this antiself which is also known as the critical inner voice. This inner voice tempts you negatively with all the pleasurable, desirable and thrills that will soothe you for the time being but later punish you for doing so and finally make you feel like you are the loser. The critical inner voice comments negatively about your life and influence all your bad behaviors and later blames us for choosing the wrong thing. For example it throws comments like “Go ahead, have that second piece of cake. You’ve had a rough week, you deserve it.” Later, it will fire with comments like: “You’re such a fat loser. How could you mess up on your diet again?”

It is difficult to see ourselves from a third person perspective but it is the truth. Scholars say, this inner voice is so ingrained in us that we hardly recognize it as our enemy that is responsible for overpowering our conscience. 

“Why do you hate yourself and others?”

Our self is the most important element we possess who we love the most. It is in nature’s law that an individual loves herself or himself more than anyone. 

When our inner critical voice directs us towards hating our own self we cannot think of loving others. The root of the problem lies in self hatred. When you start loving yourself you end up loving others. 

Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone have found in their research that self hatred comes from early negative experiences. It can be a loss, trauma, abusive parent-child interaction, abusive teacher-child interactions, failure, failure in relationships and so on. 

The way we are viewed by our parents, teachers and friends shape our attitudes about ourselves. 

The self during the early stages of our life is vulnerable to criticisms. We take up those attitudes to constitute ourselves with what people think about us. Our parent’s positive attitude towards us provides confidence, higher self -esteem and a positive self perception; their more critical attitudes can promote just the opposite.

For example, if we had a parent who often acted like we were a nuisance, constantly quieting us or even just feeling tense in our presence, we may take on a feeling about ourselves that we are a bother. We may become overly shy or apologetic in our adult lives, quieting ourselves in our careers or taking a submissive position in our relationships.

This self hatred may make us hate people around us as well. We start treating other people the way we are treated. Our hatred directs to the self as well as people around us thus making us an individual with a negative self perception.

you can check for a few of the common symptoms of self hatred : 

  • All or nothing statements. 

For example, “If I fail this exam, I’ll flunk out of college and be a total loser.”

  • Only focusing on the negative.

 It doesn’t matter how good your day was — sunshine, ice cream, puppies — all you can think about is what went wrong.

  • Believing a feeling

 Instead of “I feel like a failure,” you think, “I am a failure.”

  • Low self-esteem.

 You don’t feel like you’re good enough to be around friends and family, to apply for new jobs, or to put yourself out there for new opportunities.

If you feel all these sound familiar, please don’t panic. You are an unique creation of this cosmos and you deserve love. Love is not a gift that you get. It is a gift that you have. You have it deep seated somewhere in you suppressed and hidden. 

Following are some tips to get you started on the journey of self-love. 

Pay attention to your negative thoughts and behaviours

Before you start frantically looking for solutions, get yourself the time and opportunity to dig into the problem. You have to reach the root of the problem and not poke it superficially.

Start noticing the triggers that made you think negative or behave in a bad manner. 

Ask yourself questions:

  1. what you did
  2. how you felt during different activities
  3. who you were with throughout the day

Journaling is an unique way of talking to yourself where you document the conversation and read them again and again to understand the root cause. Journaling will help you with detangling all the complications and make you find a way easily.

If you are not okay with journaling, you can try to shoot a video of you talking to yourself and carrying out the question-answer session. 

Once you have identified some of your triggers, you can further work on how to reduce them either by changing the circumstance or your thinking process. 

Challenge your negative thoughts

Challenging your thought is a self-help cognitive restructuring technique. 

When you have successfully identified your thought, now is the time to ask questions with “why?”.

If you ask yourself ” why I hate myself” and you answer ” because I am fat”, challenge your answer too. 

Tell yourself ” this is not true.” Find out reasons to prove your negative statements wrong.

Simply challenging these negative thoughts helps to reinforce the idea that self-hatred isn’t a fact or undeniable truth — it’s an emotion.

You can write these down in a journal or record your conversations. Documentation will help you think and analyse with more greater intent and make you feel whatever you are doing has got a purpose.

  Practice positive self-talk

Self hatred comes when you don’t nurture compassion in you. 

In order to practice self love and love towards others, you should incorporate positive self talk in your daily routine. 

Positively is hard to nurture when your mood is low, but it is not impossible. 

Take out a paper and a pen; write down all those things that you love about yourself. It can be an act of kindness you did in the past, it can be something related to your professional field, it can be something as simple as your ability to make good coffee or maybe the way you take care of your pet. 

Keep this list where you’ll see it every day. When the self-hatred thoughts come, stop, take a breath, and say out loud one of the items from your list

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Reframe your negative thoughts

Reframing and restricting is a self help therapy that you can incorporate to get rid of negative thoughts. It’s usually done by simply shifting your thoughts to a slightly different perspective.

Instead of saying “I’m such a failure, I could not do well in the exam”, reframe it as ” Maybe this time my preparations were not upto the mark”. 

You should learn to reframe all-or-nothing statements into a single instance.

The fact that you failed once doesn’t mean it is a permanent failure and you start treating yourself harshly. 

Failure is je epitome of success, don’t forget this. 

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Try to spend time with people who makes you happy

Self hatred can make you isolate yourself. Your perception about others may become negative too. This tendency of isolation can make you feel more terrible.

Research suggests, social interaction is a fundamental need of every human. 

It is important and quite necessary to spend time with friends and family and people who love you.

You should spend time with people who you think loves you. You can plan meetings and hangouts with them on the weekends or anytime is preferable for you. 

Social interactions will help you eradicate negative thoughts and make you feel happy about yourself and others.

If you have no one to reach out to, you can consider talkit to others dealing with the same problem online. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America has an online support group for people dealing with a range of issues. The National Alliance on Mental Illness can also help you find a group in your area.

Practice self-compassion

Self compassion is different from self-love. It is difficult to incorporate self compassion, but with proper introspection one can practise that.

Self compassion is accepting all your negative behaviours, mistakes, failures, giving yourself chances, and understanding them as messy human moments.

Forgiving is an important factor of self compassion. If you forgive yourself, you will be able to give yourself chances to rectify and recorrect thus becoming a better human being.

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Ask for professional help

Remember you are not alone in this world. There are hundreds of humans who have the same issues, maybe more severe than yours. 

If you think, self-help is no more an option, get professional help. 

Find a therapist in your locality. 

At the end of the day, learning how to go from, “I hate myself,” to “I will do better tomorrow,” is one of the most beneficial life skills you can have.

It won’t come easily, but it will eventually be in your toolbox, preparing you for whatever else life puts in your path.

Conclusion

From the article above, we gathered information about what to do when you feel you hate yourself and everyone else. 

We looked at the reasons behind self hatred and how to fight it off and become a better individual.

FAQs : I hate myself and everyone else

What does self hatred mean?

Self-hatred comes from the anti self which is also known as the critical inner voice. This inner voice tempts you negatively with all the pleasurable, desirable and thrills that will soothe you for the time being but later punish you for doing so and finally make you feel like you are the loser. 

What causes self hatred?

Self-hatred develops over time. It can have various factors like trauma, negative reinforcement etc.

Is there a word for hating yourself?

Self-deprecation

Do narcissists hate themselves?

Yes. they do admit to feel bad about themselves.

References 

https://www.psychalive.org/i-hate-myself/

https://www.healthline.com/health/i-hate-myself#know-your-worth

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