In this brief guide, we will discuss the reasons why some husbands hate their wives, what cases are there to divorce, we will also give some tips about how to save your marriage, which can be helpful for you.
I hate my wife, but I loved her once
Love and hate are strong emotions. They have similarities and differences.
There is even a saying showing the connection of love and hate “there is one step from love to hate.”
When a couple marries, life seems to be amazing.
The husband thinks that his wife has many good qualities; her voice is like music for his ears; her actions and movements are cute and attractive.
But by time when the couple moves to the third stage of love of disillusionment, disappointments start: the husband notices disadvantages of his wife, some qualities that seemed cute and great, seem bad and annoying, her voice may also get unpleasant by time, especially if they get difficulties in understanding each other, have arguments and so on.
Unfortunately, it is not a rare case when a man meets a woman whom he considers the love of his life, they marry to live a happy life, but then, by time love vanishes, he feels that he hates his wife, or feels both emotions.
I hate my wife: Is it normal?
Sometimes it is reasonable to hate your wife. “Every long term relationship has the opportunity to become a breeding ground for resentment, hurt feelings, anger and disappointments,” says Dr Lisa Marie Bobby, a marriage counsellor, therapist.
The reasons why I hate my wife
The reasons why you can hate your wife can be different:
- You may miss your fun-loving wife you used to know – Your wife is often frustrated because of daily routine, household, career, and therefore she does not have the mood for the fun you used to have before.
- She is too concentrated on the role of mom, which makes you feel neglected – a man often becomes the last priority of his wife.
- Arguing in destructive ways – Arguing is not bad if it is done in a constructive, respectful way. If you argue shouting hurting each others’ feelings and personality, or if you avoid discussing things that annoy you, it will distance you from your wife and will influence your relationship in the wrong way.
- Unaddressed depression or anxiety can cause someone to see aspects of their life—including their relationships—in a way that does not always reflect reality – “When men lose any sense of their value, the feeling of failure or inadequacy can seep into everything. Their moods can drop. They can get irritable. They hear their partner’s requests for something as critical that they’re bad, or not enough. Then they can even start to view the people closest to them, who are now noticing their lack of energy, engagement, and productivity as the enemy,” says Robyn D’Angelo, a marriage and family therapist.
I hate my wife: Circumstances when you have to divorce.
If you and your wife hate each other then there are some circumstances when you have to say goodbye. Here are some such conditions: when your wife:
- Is controlling you so much you cannot breathe,
- Is fighting and this affects the children,
- Is unable or unwilling to take responsibility,
- Is cheating or has cheated on you,
- Drains your account,
- Belittles you,
- Uses sex as a tool ( if you still want to sleep with her),
- Does not appreciate what you do, and never thanks you,
- Physically attacks you,
- Lies to you or you do not trust her and some others.
I hate my wife: A solo trip to bring clarity on your marriage.
Before talking about divorce to your wife, you should take a solo trip to bring clarity to your marriage.
For that what you need to do is to go to a calm place far from people and without using any device to avoid getting distracted (at first you should tell your relatives where you go so that they do not worry) and ask yourself questions like these:
- What is going on with me?
- What am I feeling?
- To whom are these feelings directed and why?
- Have I felt like this before and when?
- How I behave in my different roles when I feel like this?
After answering these questions, you can get more clarity about your marriage and what you want.
You may want to save your family.
I hate my wife: How to save our marriage?
In the case, you think “I hate my wife,” but at the same time deep in your heart you still love her and want to save your marriage, here are some tips that can help you; according to them you should:
- Communicate; voice your frustration to your wife, if she cares about your family and is willing to make some efforts to save your marriage as you do, then you can try to find ways to keep your marriage together,
- Make time to spend some quality time together,
- Go to a trip leaving kids with their grandparents,
- Do things together, such as cooking, washing the plates, playing board games or video games, going to the gym, or some other things,
- Thank each other when there is a chance to make your spouse feel appreciated.
Recommended books and sources about this guide called “I hate my wife.”
- HFNE “The 5 stages of love”
- HFNE “Alcohol and Anxiety”
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
- Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship
- What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal
Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.
In this brief guide, “I hate my wife,” we discussed the possible reasons why a husband can hate his wife even though he has loved her before and the circumstances when he has to divorce.
We mentioned a solo trip that can bring clarity to your marriage.
If you do want to save your marriage, although sometimes you feel hatred towards your wife, you should use the suggested tips to make some positive changes in your relationship; they may help you in saving your marriage and your family.
Please feel free to comment on the content or ask any questions in the comments section below.
What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues
- If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.
If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.