I hate my sister (9 tips+ reasons why)
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
In this article, we will consider the situations when you can say, “I hate my sister.”
You will find out why it can happen, and you will also learn what to do in a similar situation.
Why do I hate my sister?
You might hate your sister because you have issues related to attachment, or because your sister is genuinely mean to you. You might find yourself saying “I hate my sister,” but sometimes it is not something we actually feel. In cases where your sister is actually being horrible to you it may be because she is jealous or because she has feelings of rivalry towards you for some reason.
The Reasons Why you hate your sister
Here are the main reasons that can make you say, “I hate my sister”:
Regular comparison between you and your sister
When your parents put your sister as an example for you, it can indicate your inferiority, and become a reason for you to say, “I hate my sister.”
Being isolated from your sister while growing up
Your parents may separate you from reducing the number of conflicts between you and your sister.
However, this is not a good idea because isolation can bring to a result that you and your sister will grow up without experiencing love and respect for each other.
Your desires are not taken into account.
You may feel resentment wondering why your sisters’ opinion counts, and yours does not take into account.
Your sister took all the attention.
It is possible that from the moment of her birth, all the attention of mother, father, grandparents goes to your sister.
As a result, you catch yourself on the thought, “I hate my sister.”
Wrong model of parental behaviour
It is the case when, in a family, the father has a negative attitude towards his mother, offends her, and you, being a grown-up boy, begin to copy his behaviour model, shouting, “I hate my sister,” and directing your aggression to your sister.
You have to wear the clothes of your older sister.
The situation when you are a girl, and you grow up, having nothing of your own, you get other people’s cast-offs, and your sister gets everything new.
You may start to believe that you are not loved enough. It can cause hatred towards your sister.
Lack of personal space
You grow up, believing that if you had not had a sister, you would have gotten more, you would have your room, much space where you can arrange all your things.
This also includes low status, lack of wealth in the family. As a result, children get very few gifts, toys, and sweets.
You may think that if there was no sister, you would be given twice as much as you have now.
Lack of parental love
Lack of parental love causes a situation where parents do everything for your sister, not finding time for you.
Mom can take your sister to dance, drawing, while you are usually left without her attention.
Your sister betrayed you
Your sister betrayed you taking your boyfriend. Such a situation can be a strong reason for you to shout, “I hate my sister.”
What Causes Sibling Rivalry?
Sibling rivalry is caused by children’s competition for parental love and attention.
Researchers had interviews with mothers and their adult children, asking about:
- Their emotional closeness,
- Conflicts with a specific child,
- By which child the mother expects to be taken care of in the case, she becomes ill.
According to the results, 15 percent of children felt that they were treated equally by their parents.
However, the children did not link their mental health condition to the unequal treatment.
“It does not matter whether you are the chosen child or not; the perception of unequal treatment has damaging effects for all siblings. The less favored kids may have ill will toward their mother or preferred sibling, and being the favored child brings resentment from one’s siblings, as well as the added weight of greater parental expectations,” said Dr. Karl Pillemer, a Hazel E. Reed Professor in the Department of Human Development at Cornell’s College of Human Ecology.
Recommendations in the Case You Feel Like Saying, “I Hate My Sister”
If you feel like saying or catch yourself thinking, “I hate my sister,” and if you want to get rid of that feeling and be more connected to your sister, here are some recommendations, which can be helpful:
- Parents are often responsible for the hatred between siblings. Therefore, your parents should make specific efforts to improve the relationship between you and your sister.
- If you and your sister are adults, who have their own families, then sometimes the most effective way is to contact a therapist who can determine the root cause of such an attitude, help to survive the traumatic factor or the feeling of jealousy that arose in childhood.
- You can also try to determine on your own what exactly made you feel hated, to understand that you continue to look at your sister through the eyes of the offended child.
- Analyze the situation as an adult. Often the feeling of hatred is caused not by the sister herself, but by environmental factors and the incorrect education of her parents. Perhaps you will get rid of your anger at your sister, who is not guilty at all for what happened, and you will stop claiming, “I hate my sister.”
- If your sister did something wrong, even betrayed you, you should forgive her. After all, all people tend to make mistakes. You should understand that life with hatred towards other people, especially close ones, is harmful, first of all, for yourself. Indeed, such an emotion will negatively affect your health, in particular, causing the development of psychosomatic diseases.
- If your sister is changed, you can even become best friends, by forgiving past grievances.
- In a situation where your sister has not changed and continues misbehaving, provoking you again and again, then you should minimize communication with a relative in order not to cause such negative feelings in yourself.
Sister Quotes
Here are some quotes about sisters, which may make you review your relationship with your sister, and stop saying, “I hate my sister”:
“A sister is both: your mirror and your opposite.”
- Elizabeth Fishel
“When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us?”
- Pam Brown
“If you do not understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.”
- Anonymous
The best thing about having a sister was that I always had a friend.
- Cali Rae Turner
Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the most substantial relationship.
- Margaret Mead
Sisters are for sharing laughter and wiping tears.
- Unknown
Sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.
- Isadora James
Sisterly love is, of all sentiments, the most abstract. Nature does not grant it any functions.
- Ugo Betti
More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you have been wrong and right.
Linda Sunshine
My sisters and my mom, those people help me get through every single day.
- Demi Lovato
Help one another is part of the religion of sisterhood.
- Louisa May Alcott
Having a sister is like having a best friend; you cannot get rid of it. You know whatever you do, they will still be there.
- Amy Li
Of two sisters, one is always the watcher, one the dancer.
- Louise Glück
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Charles M. Schulz
In thee, my soul shall own combined the sister and the friend.
- Catherine Killigrew
What is the good of news if you have not a sister to share it?
- James DeVries
Sisters are different flowers from the same garden.
- Author Unknown
A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.
- Marion C. Garretty
Sweet is the voice of a sister in the season of sorrow.
- Benjamin Disraeli
You know full well as I do the value of sisters’ affections; there is nothing like it in this world.
- Charlotte Bronte
Sisters. Because we all need someone who will defend us behind our back and then call us on our stuff to our face.
Brooke Hampton
The ones that stay with you through everything – they are your real best friends. Do not let go of them. Also remember, sisters, make the best friends in the world.
- Marilyn Monroe
Sweet, crazy conversations full of half sentences, daydreams, and misunderstandings more thrilling than understanding could ever be.
- Toni Morrison
Your parents leave you too soon, and your kids and spouse come along late, but your siblings know you when you are in your most inchoate form.
- Jeffrey Kluger
Recommended books and sources
- HFNE “I Hate Myself”
- HFNE “I Hate My Life”
- I Am a Big Sister
- I Hate My Sister (Family life)
- Sibling Identity and Relationships: Sisters and Brothers (Relationships and Resources)
- Video “I Hate My Stupid Sister”
- Video – 11 Reasons Why I Love My Sister So Much
Conclusion
After reading this article, titled “I hate my sister,” you can know what to do if you hate your sister.
It is important to remember that despite any disagreements, the sister is one of the closest people.
Therefore, relationships with her should be saved.
Please feel free to comment on the content or ask any questions in the comments section below.
