I HATE MY PARENTS(Why?)
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
In this brief guide, we will discuss the topic “I hate my parents,” and will present to you the possible reasons why some people say, “I hate my parents.” We will also give some tips to overcome that hatred.
I Hate My Parents: What are the Reasons?
It is possible that in some situations, you feel like saying, “I hate my parents.”
Some people feel guilty about that however, there can be reasons that make them feel so or say so in some circumstances. Some children don’t hate their parents, but hates either of them. For example, many children say I hate my mom or I hate my dad.
Some of the reasons for the hatred towards parents can be:
Parents claim that they are always right –
Some parents do not want to accept that they are not always right.
They also try to insist on being right even if they know they are wrong.
Children desire to be independent –
This reason is especially noticeable among teenagers.
Adolescence is a period of life when children from one side are not kids anymore, and from the other side, they are not grown-ups either.
Teenagers tend to be like adults. They want to be independent of their parents and make decisions by themselves.
As we know, some parents do not want to realize and accept the fact that their children are not kids anymore, although they are not adults.
This causes conflicts among parents and children; as a result, teenagers often think, “I hate my parents.”
Parents listen, but they do not hear –
When children tell their parents about their day/their worries/their interests or other things, parents often do not hear them even though they try to listen.
This can seem strange, but some parents are not interested in the things children say to them.
Nevertheless, the reason for not hearing can also be due to parental stress or life difficulties during that period of their life.
It is essential to be more attentive and to listen to your children; otherwise, they can think that they are not essential for you and that you are not interested in them (even if it is not like that), and they can begin to feel negative emotions towards you leading to hatred.
Parents take one of the children’s side –
This scenario is quite common.
Imagine when children argue over something, and parents (or one of them) stand between them trying to know the reason for their argument.
After getting informed, they decide who is right and who is wrong, taking the side of the one who is right.
Taking sides is a very destructive way to solve conflicts.
It does not solve anything; it can even worsen problems or cause bigger ones.
For example, in such situations, the one who is perceived as “wrong,” can feel isolated from the family and feel hatred towards his/her parents and sibling.
Involve a third person in discussions –
While discussing or arguing over something; parents can ask a third persons’ opinion about the case.
They can disclose all they have been discussing with their child, and ask if he/she is right or something to that effect.
Not every child will like it. For many, it can be unacceptable and can seem like a betrayal, because they shared with you something they felt was intimate, or discussed that thing just with you alone.
If you involve someone else, children may stop trusting you and sharing things with you; it can even make them think, “I hate my parents.”
Parents and children have different lifestyles or morals –
Parents are from one generation, and children are from another generation.
It is already a significant reason as to why they can have disagreements.
The things that had been considered moral before are perceived as usual nowadays; things that were not acceptable before, are now acceptable.
It can be hard, but it is essential for both sides to be a little more empathic and open-minded to understand each other better and to compromise (sure if children are small, compromise is expected by the parents only).
I Hate My Parents: Confessions
No Love Lost
I hate my parents with every fiber of my being. I am pretty sure they hate me, too. My dad beat me almost every day when I was little and never had anything nice to say when I was growing up. He was always on drugs, burned me with his cigarettes, told me I was garbage, which is what I felt. My mom stood by and let it happen. He used to hit her, too, and I watched it happen. She would not even let me eat some nights. I wish I had reported them, but I never did. I was too afraid of what would happen to me.
I am 27 now, and until last week I had not talked to either of my parents in years. Then, out of the blue, my mom calls me. I hung up right away. She has called me twice since, leaving messages saying she hopes I am happy. She said she thinks I should forgive them and does not understand why I will not talk to her. I am like, “Really?”
I do not know why she is suddenly interested in my life, but I do not care. I am not one of those people who thinks just because you accidentally got pregnant and had a kid; your kid owes you something. I had terrible parents. I had the worst childhood you can imagine. I do not want to be my parents’ son anymore. I do not want anything to do with them. I do not see that ever-changing, either.
I know hate is an ugly word. Article after article says it is “unhealthy” to hate and that it is “healthy” to forgive. However, I hate my parents. I cannot forgive them. Moreover, what is worse is I hate that I hate my parents, which makes me hate myself. I do not know what to do with that except what I have always done: nothing.
Katya Robinson
I hate them! I have the most stupid parents in the world — a hysterical mother who screams for any reason. Moreover, a dad who pretends to be hell knows that he is right. I hate this couple of idiots. Furthermore, what should I do? Now I fought with my mother, I am sitting in tears, and this cattle left for the supermarket. Now I want to pack my things and leave home.
Anonymous
I will share my experience. I had a period when I was disappointed in adults who were responsible for my upbringing and education. Naturally, my parents did not suit me the most, who did not teach me practically anything and instilled in me false values, as for me. Just then, I realized that parental “good” is “bad” for me. I began to openly criticize their upbringing model and ask why the hell they gave birth to me. It was cruel, but at that moment I was sucked, I could not think of someone else.
When asked why they needed me, they replied that everyone had children, and the mother was already “time.” My father honestly admitted that he already had children, he could not communicate with me, but “since we live together.” In short, this is not quite a happy ending story. I realized that one parent was picking on me, and the second got confused in her life, expecting from her that she would say how to live for me was pointless. As a result, I drove for a long time on this and other occasions, until my girlfriend left me.
I Hate My Parents: What should I do?
If you hate your parents and do not know what to do, you should:
- Analyze the situation to understand the reasons that make you say, “I hate my parents.”
- Try to be empathic and understanding towards your parents. Do not be harmful and closed off when they talk to you; hear what they say; it can help you understand your parents better and will reduce arguments between you.
- Talk to your parents to express yourself, and to give them a chance to express themselves too. Hiding feelings can be dangerous for relationships; express your feelings so that your parents can understand you. They are parents, and it is often thought they must know what you feel even if you stay silent. Well, this is the wrong way of thinking; parents are people, and people are different from their mentality and moral perception.
- Try to reduce the stress in your life by changing your lifestyle: eat healthy food, do physical exercises, get enough sleep, do some sport and meditate.
- Go to a psychologist or psychotherapist. He/she can help you to understand your feelings better and to find a way to overcome the hatred you have towards your parents.
Recommended books and sources
- HFNE “I Hate My Family”
- HFNE “What is My Personality Type”
- I Hate My Parents!
- “I hate my parents!”: The real and unreal reasons why youth is angry
- The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did): THE #1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER
Conclusion
In this brief guide, we discussed the statement “I hate my parents”.
We presented the reasons why some people hate their parents and some confessions of people who hate their parents.
If you read this article, you probably want to change something and change the negative feelings towards your parents with positive ones.
Then use the tips, they can be helpful to make changes.
