I Hate My Husband (7 reasons)
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
In this brief guide titled “I hate my husband,” we will present the reasons that can make wives hate their husbands.
You will also find some tips to overcome that hatred and to deal with the situation.
I Hate My Husband: The Reasons Why
When a couple gets married they imagine that they will be loving and happy during their life.
However, after marriage, things change: partners recognize each other better, including advantages and disadvantages.
Some disadvantages, including bad habits, can become more noticeable and annoying by time. As a result, many wives say, “I hate my husband.”
Here are some of the main reasons that cause that hatred:
One of the partners always insists on being right
If one of the partners always insists on being right, it can cause difficulties in the relationship, because the other partner can think that his/her spouse does not understand him/her and does not value their relationship.
Every time you discuss something or argue over something, try to be conscious about your feelings and think about what is essential for you: being always right or the relationship with your partner.
Unequal relationship
Unfortunately, it is not unusual to hear from wives who think or say: “I hate my husband.”
As a reason, they often mention that their relationship is unequal: wives feel like they do all.
It is specially mentioned when the couple has a child or numerous children, and husbands do not take part in childcare.
However, unequal relationships can also be deemed as such by husbands as well.
You might as well hate your husband because you hate men overall.
Couples do not express their feelings and thoughts.
Many couples do not express their feelings or thoughts about some situations or some things.
They do not express their feelings as they think that it saves them from arguments and negative talks with their spouse.
However, this is not valid.
Arguments are not harmful if they are constructive. If you do not express what you do not like or what you think about some things, some negativity will rise inside you and unconsciously be directed to your husband/wife.
It can cause even more significant problems than an argument could do. When you express yourself, you help your partner to understand you better and the opposite.
A partner does not take care of himself/herself
You should keep clean and tidy to be pleasant for your partner. It is essential for both partners: wife and husband.
You should take care of yourself not to disappoint your partner, causing disgust.
Intimacy is good, but there are some private things that your partner should not know.
The lack of respect
If one of the partners gets no respect or just a little, it can cause negative feelings, including hatred.
Betrayal
If your husband betrays you, even if you did not see him, you could feel some changes in his behavior.
Betrayal is a strong reason for women to hate their husbands.
Stress
Stress can poison your relationship. So if you are stressed, you should find ways to manage it and keep your relationship safe and healthy.
One of the partners has a drug or alcohol addiction.
Drug or alcohol addiction can pop up behaviour that was not noticed before marriage.
In case you find out your partner has a drug or alcohol addiction, you can start feeling negative emotions towards your partner, and one day shout, “I hate my husband,” or “I hate my wife.”
I Hate My Husband: Confessions
Anonymous
I hate my husband. He is not what I want in a marriage, and neither is his family. I want out of this life. I can’t go on living a lie.
Anonymous
It has been a year and a month, and I am still with my spouse, but the answer is- Yes! I regret being married to him. It was an arranged marriage.
- Before we said yes to each other, he asked me to lose weight so that he can marry me. He was 107 kg when we met, and he’s now 103 Kg. I was 100 kg when I met him, but now 77 kg. Even today, when I ask him to lose weight, he says I still have to lose 17 kg more to be my optimum weight. I have given up on this issue. This was a sign, and I ignored it.
- Everything is his. He says “my” car, “my” house, and “my” stuff, but he never calls me “my wife.” I don’t think I will ever be his wife. That doesn’t mean I can ask my dad for any help, even a small loan of ₹2000 my dad cannot give me, because what will happen to my husband’s image then?
- When we were returning from our honeymoon and got gifts for our immediate family members, so I got a T-shirt for my nephew worth ₹2000; he did not like that I bought it for my nephew. However, while we dated, I did not ask him any question on the US $500 he spent on his family because it is “his” money, remember? I didn’t carry money, but I got him a good deal for our honeymoon package, which my dad was willing to pay for, but hey, we have an image and the bride’s dad should never pay and the bride, in any case, can’t buy anything for her family, because, that’s “Her” family.
- Office stress is a one-way road. I cannot have any, as my work is not as hectic as his.
- From the first day I started to work, I haven’t asked him for money, it’s because I am paid well and my salary is sufficient for me. He thinks my dad is giving me money, which is highly unacceptable. Can’t a woman be self-sufficient?
There is no way for one to know all this beforehand. However, I genuinely regret being married.
It is just affecting my self-esteem, thinking I am fat, and I am not fit enough to be his wife.
I will regret this until the last day of my life.
Hate My Husband: What to Do?
Here are some tips to help you manage your negative feelings and stop saying, “I hate my husband”:
Focus on what you like in your husband
Nothing is good or bad. The thing is how you perceive and interpret things.
Try to consider your relationship, then the situation in a less emotional tone, good or bad.
If the good outweighs the bad, then everything is not that scary.
Often people use the word “hate” to give great importance to the situation to emphasize their disappointment.
It is a reaction, but not pure hatred.
Define your role in a situation that bothers you
It happens that the breakdown in relations is not really between you and your husband, but with you personally.
You are not satisfied with yourself and attribute the reason to your husband. Do not jump to conclusions.
Discuss what you don’t like with your partner. Perhaps there is no problem.
Or another twist. There is a problem, but the partner did not suspect it.
Moreover, if you tell him what annoys you, everything will be settled, and the person will change his behaviour.
If you took all the steps, but the other person did not want to change, and the problem is actually in it, it is worth thinking about ending your relationship.
Figure out what is going on
Sometimes a person is obsessed with the idea of hatred and does not want to figure out what is going on.
It is essential to understand where the anger comes from, what are the options to solve the problem.
To solve the problem, you need to find the main underlying reason.
Work with your other emotions too
You cannot consist only of evil. Most likely, anger hides the pain, and behind it, there is sadness and disappointment.
Some women are afraid to show strong negative emotions, they crush them, they tend to look pleasant, happy and emotionally restrained all the time.
Do not be afraid of strong and different emotions. Only in this way, you can understand how you fell into the zone of incessant hatred towards your husband.
Only in this way, you will see your relationship clearly and objectively, and you will understand what is best for you, whether to end this relationship or adjust it for.
Have more fun with your husband
Go to picnics, trips, or just go for a walk and spend time together, have fun. You need to have short escapes from daily life.
Go to a consultation.
Going to a consultation can be helpful to understand your feelings better and to solve the problem that make you worry.
It can also be useful if you meet a psychologist with your partner too.
If you’ve enjoyed the ”I Hate My Husband” mentioned above, I would recommend you to take a look at ”My husband is lying about drinking” too.
Recommended books and sources
- HFNE “I Hate You Don’t Leave Me”
- HFNE “The 5 Stages of Love”
- How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids
- How Not to unlawfully terminate Your Husband
- I Hate My Husband
FAQs about the topic “I hate my husband.”
How do you know when your marriage is really over?
You can know your marriage is over by specific signs. Here are some of them:
– You live like a single person,
– You feel indifferent to the possibility that your spouse has someone else,
– When you think about the future, you do not see your spouse there,
– You do not have sex anymore,
– You use a lot of money without discussing it with your spouse,
– You often think about cheating on your partner,
– You have an “emotional affair,”
– You think differently about having kids,
– You do not make any effort to fix and save your marriage,
– You avoid spending time with your spouse,
– You refuse to compromise,
– You do not go to therapy (it is also possible that you go to therapy,
– but it does not help: therapy is a useful tool for a couple to fix their relationship, but if the relationship is broken, therapy cannot help),
– You think about divorce every time you are upset,
– You do not respect your spouse and feel contempt towards him/her,
– You do not have anything in common anymore,
– You keep secrets from one another,
– Your fights turn into personal critiques.
Can you hate someone you love?
Yes, you can hate someone you love. It is possible and indeed common. We do not hate the person.
We hate the situation but focus that onto the person as hatred.
How do you deal with a lazy husband?
Here are some tips for dealing with a lazy husband:
– Reason it out with him. Have a one-to-one rational conversation with each other. Voicing your frustrations can be helpful,
– Make your husband your hero letting him know how good it will feel like if he helps a little,
– Lower your standards and expectations. It can take time, but your husband will do the job to help you,
– Appreciate always. Appreciation can make great results,
– Avoid threatening. Give him ample chances and time to do the job his way. As soon as your husband sees that no matter how long it takes you are ready to wait for it to be done, he will do it,
– Be feisty and firm. Be firm and let him know that there is no way out of the task assigned,
– Work on bonding. Try doing things together,
– Be flexible and open to new ways. Be open and accept his way of doing things,
– Avoid redoing anything that he has done. He may stop doing that thing in the future,
– Be considerate. Just because you have the habit of immediately washing the teacup after you finish does not mean your husband has to do the same.
What does it mean to be a husband?
To be a husband means to be a man in a marital relationship, who may also be called a spouse or partner.
It means taking responsibility for your family and household.
How do you tell if your husband loves you?
You can tell if your husband loves you if:
– He knows you hate doing the damn dishes, so he does them,
– He wants he always wants to know more about you,
– He plans date nights,
– He displays little signs of affection,
– He checks in with you throughout the day,
– He tries to spice things up in bed,
– He says agrees with your suggestions,
– He says your first name during sex,
– He will go to the theme party or to the concert you want, without whining,
– He quickly ends the argument,
– While interacting with you, he puts his phone and other distracting devices away,
– He makes an effort to surprise you,
– He holds your hand in public,
– He flirts with you.
What does the Bible say about a husband?
There are many Bible verses about marriage. Here are the two of them:
Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”
Genesis 2:24: “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Conclusion
In this brief guide, we discussed the topic, “I hate my husband.” We presented the reasons that can cause some women to say, “I hate my husband.”
You can also try the tips to overcome that feeling and save your relationship; they can be useful.
Please feel free to comment on the content or ask any questions in the comments section below.
