How much control do you have over your mental health?

I hate kids(Why)

In this brief guide titled “I hate kids,” we will discuss the reasons why some people hate kids, we will show some letters from child-haters, and will give you some tips that can help you to show love to your kids, in case you do not know how to do that just yet. 

I hate kids: Reasons to hate kids

People who say, “I hate kids,” usually have some reasons explaining their hatred.

Below are some of the reasons:

  • Kids are capricious – Some people say, “I hate kids” because they find kids to be capricious: they hit their heads on the wall so that others give or do what they want. 
  • They cannot talk properly – Come on, it is not that hard to say “hello.”
  • They have to be the centre of attention all the time – they want your attention all the time, no matter how busy you may be. You have to be attentive so that they do not harm themselves. They make you exhausted, making you play with them and answer their primitive questions.
  • They tell the truth all the time – Everyone else knows that you don’t call a fat, smelly person, a fat smelly person to their face, especially if you have to share a packed train with them for an hour and a half. Well, kids do that.
  • Their parties are better than yours – Despite the fact that they are one and will have no memory of the event AT ALL, they still get a cake, a table full of presents and a garden full of friends.
  • Their parents get the best parking spaces – Often, people who have kids in their car get the best and the most comfortable parking spaces. It is not fair.
  • They are ugly – Not all of them, but many of them. А lot of babies, look like a potato or a meatball. This is also a reason for some people to say, “I hate kids”.
  • They are violent – They break stuff while playing or just because it is fun for them to do that. Kids also can hurt you if you do not be that attentive (hitting with something, cutting, and other ways of damaging).
  • They are ungrateful – You do everything for them: you take care of them, help them, do things to make them joyful, but if they do not like something, they scream at you and sometimes may hit you too.
  • They hate other kids – They do not want to share adults’ attention with other kids.
  • Kids cannot walk for more than 10 minutes – they want you to hug them for the rest of the way. However, this is not because of tiredness; the reason is that they are lazy, some say.
  • Kids want to watch the same thing over and over again – How can people live with someone who insists on watching “Tom and Jerry” for thousand times.
  • They cry for every reason – Kids cry when they are hungry/sleepy/upset/annoyed and in many other cases.
  • They always want things that are not allowed – For example, kids may want to play with grandma’s favourite vase.
  • Kids’ hands are always mysteriously sticky or covered in slobber.
  • Kids always make everything about them – When there is a birthday party, kids try to blow the birthday candles too. Sorry, but it is not your birthday!
  • There are lots of places that do not allow dogs but allow kids – Some people get annoyed when they have to let their dogs out of a cafe while there are lots of kids. It makes them shout, “I hate kids”.

I hate kids: Child-haters

People who claim, “I hate kids” are called child-haters. A professional psychologist says, “There is an opinion that child-haters, those who cannot have children, become child-haters. However, practice shows that such people, on the contrary, treat children with stressed emotions or pretend to be child-free, not having children for “ideological” reasons. As for child haters, there is a definite social background.”

Here are some letters that were written by child-haters:

By the mother of a schoolgirl: 

“I once wrote my confession on another site; they almost cursed me there. I hate my baby. While she was a baby, I took care of her, and it seemed to me that I truly loved her. However, gradually, doubts crept in, which corroded the soul.

Moreover, the older the daughter became, the less love and more hatred. My daughter is no different from her peers: she is pretty; she studies thoroughly, communicates with friends, helps around the house, and is not rude. Nevertheless, I do not like everything about her: how she dresses, how she moves, how she laughs. Everything in her annoys me. I do not tell her this, but indirectly my attitude towards her is clear, and the child feels it perfectly. I am serving the duty of raising a child as a prison term. I feed her, wash clothes, monitor health. Moreover, I dream of pushing her into an independent life, away from me.”

By the mother of a baby:

“My baby is three months old. Caring for him is simply unbearable for me, constant lack of sleep, inability to relax even for a second, even when he is sleeping, I am in constant tension, waiting for him to wake up, I think that if he covered him with a pillow, he would have suffocated and all this nightmare would end! I understand how all this sounds awful, but I cannot help myself. I take care of the child alone, my husband at work, leaves early, and arrives late. Repeating the same thing day after day is crazy, sometimes there are states that for some moments I do not understand where I am and what happens to me …”

A professional psychiatrist who checked the mentioned letters said:

“Of course, there are purely medical cases of parental hatred of children associated with mental abnormalities. Nevertheless, psychotherapists are also aware of cases of the so-called “social hatred” of parents towards their children. Most often, it arises concerning “spontaneous,” unplanned children who change their parents’ plans, lower their standard of living or do not live up to expectations, for example, when they give birth in order to get married, but the proposal does not follow, or the marriage is unsuccessful. From a formal point of view, such hatred, parents are healthy; we are only talking about poor spiritual qualities. A typical parent will fall in love with a child, even if it was born at the wrong time. Unmarried mothers often blame a child who is forced to devote their time to be alone. There is also “false hatred” that disguises perfectionism, hyper-responsibility, and suspiciousness. If a woman does not feel like an ideal mother and does not want to be another, she begins to disguise her “flaws” as supposed hatred of children. The loving personalities of the hysterical mental warehouse suffer from this, in dire need of being in the spotlight. If a woman initially has such features of the psyche, then in the first years of the baby’s life, they triple.

Furthermore, if the young mother also suffers from postpartum depression, then her behavior may seem wholly inappropriate. In words, such personalities seem to be almost devourers of babies, but in fact, they most often turn out to be caring mothers. Horrible words are a defensive reaction of their psyche, often unconscious.”

According to the general opinion of psychiatrists and psychologists, former disliked children turn into active detonators. If you discard the provocateurs and persons with mental disabilities, child haters can be divided into two types. Some in the ranks of detectives led dislike in the parental family. Envy is tormenting other children without children: they always hear conversations on the topic “all the best is for children,” and it seems to them that they have “fanned” the children at this holiday of life.

I hate kids: How to love kids?

There are some ways how to love kids. Some parents say, “I hate kids,” but in reality, they do not know how to express their love correctly. 

A child can be compared to a mirror. He reflects love but does not begin to love first. If kids are bestowed with love, they return it. If nothing is given to them, they have nothing to return. Unconditional love is reflected unconditionally, and conditioned love is returned depending on certain conditions.

Kids who lack an emotional bond with their parents become “difficult” teenagers. Therefore, we parents must concentrate on all aspects of the manifestation of love for our child.

  • Eye contact

An open, natural, friendly look directly into the child’s eyes is essential not only for establishing a good communication interaction with him or her but also for satisfying his emotional needs.

  • Physical contact

The easiest way to express your love for a child is with a gentle touch. But surprisingly, research showed that many parents touch their kids mostly when it is necessary.

  • Close attention

Loving parents will have to face the fact that in some cases their child is desperate, more than anything else, they need their close attention at the very moment when they are least disposed to give it.

Recommended books

  1. HFNE “I hate cats”
  2. HFNE “I hate my wife”
  3. I Hate Other People’s Kids
  4. I Love You to the Moon and Back
  5. I Love You—But You Drive Me Crazy! (Sammy Bird Series)

Conclusion

In this brief guide, we showed you some reasons why some people claim, “I hate kids,” many of them seem irrational, but you can find some reasons why people genuinely hate kids or at least say so, in our guide.

As we stated above, it can be, for example, because of their lack of love, which they did not get from their parents.

You can also find below some tips on how to love kids. 

Please feel free to comment on our guide called “I hate kids” or ask any questions in the comments section below. 

Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.

References

  1. I hate kids: Reasons to hate kids
  2. Saying “I hate kids” is not edgy
  3. Things you will understand if you hate kids

Was this post helpful?