I experimented with my brother (5 things to do next)
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OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
In this brief guide, we are going to discuss the statement “ I experimented with my brother “
We are going to talk about a topic which is not usually discussed but its occurrence is well known.
Is it Normal for Siblings to Experiment Sexually?
Yes, it is normal for siblings to experiment sexually, especially before puberty, because this is the time when the children are just learning about the nature of sexuality. It may seem very taboo but it is actually normal for children to engage in sexual exploration. There is also research that shows that sibling sexual experiences among children is common.
I experimented with my brother
If you have ever sexually experimented with your brother, stepbrother, or half brother than this post is for you.
The first thing you should know is that you are not alone and you aren’t weird or unusual or crazy.
A lot of siblings actually experiment with each other.
They may experiment because of what they saw on TV or maybe on youtube and some may experiment based on what they saw their parents doing by accident.
Regardless of how you got to the point of experimenting with your brother or experimenting with your sister, you’re not alone.
If you experimented with your brother and either of you were much older than the other then there are serious issues here as it may be clear that one of you should have known better.
Regardless of if you are the victim, feel like a victim, or the perpetrator or feel like the perpetrator, or if this was done by mutual consent or assume it was done by mutual consent, you should report it yo your parents immediately or at the very least to a mental health counsellor at your school, tell an uncle, an aunt but whatever you do don’t let it be a secret you keep to yourself as this could come back to haunt you further down the line.
If it doesn’t hurt you then experimenting with your brother or sister could hurt your brother or sister.
In many cases, you won’t be there to see them suffer or be there to see them go through a very difficult time.
Bringing this incident to the attention of your parents or family members is very important.
You should forget about what trouble you could be in or how bad of a thing you assume you have done.
This will be very irrelevant as to the effects this could have on you and your brother.
We will discuss “How common is it for brothers and sisters to experiment?”.
How common is it for brothers and sisters to experiment?
Some may say it is common for brothers and sisters to experiment sexually with each other, some may say it is rare this could happen, there is no consensus.
This is mostly related to the fact that there are no official numbers or statistics on the subject since this type of relationship is considered taboo.
However, a survey of 796 undergraduates at sex New England colleges and Universities indicated that 15% of the females and 10% of males had some type of sexual experience involving a sibling.
One of the most common experiences reported was fondling and touching of the genitals and “One-fourth of the experiences could be described as exploitative either because force was used or because there was a large age disparity between the partners.”
In addition, there are divided opinions in terms of the possibility of having consented sexual interaction, especially as early as 10, 11, or 12 years old.
The development of sexuality starts very early, even when we are in the womb and continues throughout infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adulthood.
Adolescence can be divided into early (10-13 years), middle (14-16 years) and late (17-19 years), where it is normal to experience physical, hormonal and emotional changes, which sparks our sexual interest and need for experimentation.
It is normal for adolescents to explore their sexuality and it doesn’t “occur in isolation, rather in the background of the family, society in a defined culture, which significantly influences the adolescent sexuality.”
When specifically talking about intimate relationships with their family members., siblings that may have suffered trauma, neglect, or lack of affection may say they found in each other the love, support, and emotional connection they couldn’t get from their parents/carers.
Continuously experimenting with your brother
If you find that you have continuously been experimented on by your brother or that you are continually experimenting with your brother then this is something you should certainly seek help about as it is not normal and may cause significant damage to you or your brother down the line.
You shouldn’t accept this type of behaviour and it isn’t normal although a lot more people than you may imagine experiencing these same things.
More often than not, people just never report the issues and even when they tell their parents that they have experimented with their brother or sister, the parents don’t seem to do much about it.
Mutual experimentation can almost be forgiven and ignored by parents as long as it is made clear it isn’t right but so many parents simply ignore the issue and move on when one sibling seems to be exploiting and potentially raping the other sibling.
Sibling abuse is such a vile thing that we must be brave enough to confront.
If you report the issue to your parents and your parents don’t do anything about it then go to the police or your mental health counsellor.
In some cases, your mum or dad may have experimented with their brother or sister and hence they aren’t so sure what to do in this instance, how to make sense of any of it or what advice to give.
In so many ways they almost become the victims too, with their silence.
Dealing with the memory
Most siblings sexually experiment with themselves and then years down the line have memories of experimenting with their brothers or experimenting with their sisters and have no one to talk to.
In most cases, they don’t even know why these memories come up and how to deal with them.
The mind is unique and usually, when odd events such as this occur, we usually suppress the thought, even though it may have been a confusing, enjoyable or curious experience.
The mind will usually tuck away these experiences far far away and we don’t tend to have any recollection of them, not when we are with the other party and not normally.
Every now and then the thought may come up and we begin to wonder if what we did was right, if we should confront the other party, discuss it with the other party and how we should do that.
The first thing to note is that it is normal for memories of you experimenting with your brother or experimenting with your sister to suddenly come out of the blue.
Usually, there is a reason for these thoughts but you may not be able to place your finger on it.
You could spend weeks, days, months and even years wondering if the memory is even valid or if it is simply in your imagination.
Did I experiment with my brother? Did I experiment with my sister?
Did I really or am I just imagining things.
If you start feeling like this and are unable to work out where the emotions came from or how you have found yourself feeling this way then there are many things you can do.
The first thing is to seek help from a mental health counsellor.
A mental health counsellor may be able to help you untangle these difficult memories and realised if you’re did experiment with your brother or if you did experiment with your sister and how these actions have affected your life since the events took place.
The first thing you should say to the mental health counsellor is “ I experimented with my brother “.
This will break the ice and allow them to begin exploring further.
Dealing with issues such as experimenting with your brother or sister is very difficult and great care is needed from an expert to help you through those difficult moments.
What if you were violently abused?
If you experimented with your brother or experimented with your sister and this was by you violently abusing your brother or by you violently abusing your sister then this is a much more difficult issue.
Depending on how much time has passed since the events occurred, you will need to address these issues.
Regardless of how old you were at the time, you will need help and you may need to be rehabilitated as raping your brother or sister at any age s a truly horrible thing which you must be remorseful for.
It is important that you seek help immediately if you have experimented with your brother or sister and this has been through violent or unwanted intercourse.
If you are unsure if you have violently abused your brother or sister then asking them wouldn’t necessarily be the solution to the matter.
You should seek help by first telling your parents about the incident.
If you are worried about how your parents may react to the issue then you should consider telling a mental health counsellor who may be able to help you understand what you have done, the effects of these on your life and help you seek further help if necessary.
“I Experimented As A Child”
Most people experiment as a child because they are trying to learn what their sexual or personal identity is, and some extent of experimentation is very normal, and even healthy, in childhood.
We learn everything about ourselves and the environment through experimentation or trial-and-error, and therefore it may be fairly common for people to experiment sexually as a child too, though it may not involve the traditional sexual activities that adults tend to engage in.
People may also experiment as a child with same sex peers because they are trying to understand their sexuality or because they may find that thy are not able to fit into the normative sexual orientation that they see represented all around them.
Behaviors that involve experimentation during childhood may start as a result of curiosity about one’s sexual or gender related roles, and functions, and his experimentative behavior may manifest as normative sexual behavior related play among siblings.
However, this sexual experimentation may not involve penetration or oral sexual behavior like it might in adults, instead, it may be more the type of behaviors that satisfy the individual’s innate curiosity about the sexual organs or sexual identities of others around them that are of a similar age.
In many children this experimentation may happen as a manner of looking at each other’s private parts or exploring through touch, but it hardly ever goes beyond that, and in the normal kind of experimentation, the children usually won’t engage in behaviors like kissing or cuddling that are more associated with a sexual relationship that sexual behavior.
When someone experiments as a child, it may be cause for concern when the experimentation is too frequent, coercive or occurring more in a private context than usual play behavior, or even if it seems to be happening between only two people.
“I Experimented With My Brother”
Experimenting with your brother is a taboo in pretty much all cultures, although there are some cultures in which it was allowed to be intimate with a sibling to keep bloodlines pure, which is a tradition that died out once it became clear that it can cause major genetic defects in their progeny.
Experimenting with one’s brother is often a way through which many siblings learn what their sexual orientation or sexual or gender roles might be, and while it may be quite natural in prepubescent children, after a certain point is may become unnatural and wrong, and it may put the children at risk for problems in the future.
The rise of adult-content about intimate relationships with their family members has increased the instances of sibling attraction or experimentation between brothers and sisters, or more specifically step brothers and step sisters, and this rise has been so noticeable that one might find jokes about this trope on forums like reddit and tumblr.
The possible reason for this rise in videos about people experimenting with their brothers and sisters might be that they are taboo, and these relations have always been around, but the advent and popularity of the internet has forced them out of the shadows and made them more acceptable.
Furthermore, internet has connected people more and more, which has made people connect with others who have experimented with their brother, and this leads to a sort of relief among them that they have not done anything wrong because everyone does it, and this just makes the experimentation continue, which can often lead to complications like the sister getting pregnant.
References
Finkelhor D. (1980). Sex among siblings: a survey on prevalence, variety, and effects.
Archives of sexual behavior, 9(3), 171–194. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF01542244
Kar, S. K., Choudhury, A., & Singh, A. P. (2015). Understanding normal development of adolescent sexuality: A bumpy ride.
Journal of human reproductive sciences, 8(2), 70–74. https://doi.org/10.4103/0974-1208.158594
In this brief guide we discussed the statement I experimented with my brother.
We hope you found the brief post useful and are now able to take any necessary actions.
Seeking help– I experimented with my brother
Regardless of what your situation is or was.
If you have experimented with your brother or experimented with your sister you should seek mental health help from a trained and qualified counsellor.
FAQ
What to do if your son touches your daughter?
If the age difference between you son and daughter is less than 3 years (2 in case of penetration) and both are under 14 years of age, we are in the presence of inappropriate exploratory sexual behaviours and when they appear, it is highly likely to be the tip of the iceberg and the child who proposes or compels the game or conduct is a former victim of abuse.
It is expected that young children want to look at the body of others, but it is not expected that the exploration reaches the contact of the mouth of one with the genitals of another, it is expected that preschoolers kiss each other, even on the mouth (it is not recommended but it happens) but it is not expected that they kiss with their mouths open or with their tongues.
If inappropriate exploratory sexual behaviours appear, parents and educators must be attentive to them and know that it is a pretty sure indication that in some part of the domino a perpetrator will appear who has initiated some of the children involved and this replicates what has been learned.
Therefore, it is very important to know how to recognize this type of behaviour and to know the protection and intervention protocols that we must offer to minors.
How often do siblings experiment sexually
It is impossible to know exactly how often siblings experiment sexually since it is considered a taboo and legally punished in many countries.
Almost all modern cultures reject it, moral, ethical, religious reasons can be claimed, but deep down the rejection comes from human instinct, that of survival.
Given that individuals belonging to the same family share a high percentage of their genetic material, it would represent, from a biological point of view, a union that impoverishes the genetic well, that is, it reduces the genetic variability available for future generations, thus increasing the incidence of hereditary diseases and defects.
If we procreate with people of different genetic origin, the probabilities of this happening are infinitely less.
How often do siblings experiment sexually?
There are enough cases of romantic and passionate love between brother and sister to convince us that yes, it can happen.
If you investigate the subject beyond the surface, you find that intimate relationships within family members are more widespread than you think and, in many cases, not only consensual but also motivated by the same things as conventional adult relationships: love, need, desire, loneliness and attraction.
This raises many ethical questions about consent, victimization, legality and morality.
Why would a brother be attracted to his sister?
It is possible for a brother to be attracted to his sister.
This phenomenon is known as genetic sexual attraction (GSA).
This hypothesis affirms that members of the same family who grew up apart tend to develop a powerful sexual attraction when they meet again during adolescence or adulthood.
This is a trend observed with special incidence after large-scale events that provoke movements in families, such as a war or armed movement, or major changes in the legislation on adoption and identity.
The explanation of the causes of genetic sexual attraction varies according to the discipline and the approach used: while some psychologists refer to Freud’s theory to account for the appearance of intimate relationships with family members once the cultural taboo that exists around it disappears.
How common is it for cousins to experiment?
It is more common than you think for cousins to experiment, especially children with the age 9 to 13 years old.
What really happens is that at that age young people have enormous sexual desires and they still don’t know how to handle what they feel, they simply let themselves be dominated by their desires and things happen.
The idea of two cousins having sex is generally considered disgusting. Cousins are relatives.
You don’t sleep with members of your own family.
However, cousin relationships are “a deeply ingrained custom” among a fifth of the world’s population, especially in Muslim communities in Southeast Asia and the Middle East, where blood relationships constitute 30-50 percent of the total.
In the West, this practice is not as widespread, although in Europe and the United States this type of union was common until the middle of the 19th century, when consanguinity relations began to be condemned due to the rejection of the medical community.
If you are suffering from depression, anxiety, loneliness or any similar mental health issue then seeking help for it may be a good option.
Mental health issues such as depression, loneliness and anxiety can affect anyone of us.
If you are under 18 then CAMHS, an NHS run programme may just be the answer for your mental health struggles.
You should look to see if you meet the CAMHS referral criteria and then fill in the CAMHS referral form.
References
Finkelhor D. (1980). Sex among siblings: a survey on prevalence, variety, and effects.
Archives of sexual behavior, 9(3), 171–194. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF01542244
Kar, S. K., Choudhury, A., & Singh, A. P. (2015). Understanding normal development of adolescent sexuality: A bumpy ride.
Journal of human reproductive sciences, 8(2), 70–74. https://doi.org/10.4103/0974-1208.158594
In this brief guide we discussed the statement I experimented with my brother.
We hope you found the brief post useful and are now able to take any necessary actions.
