I am not good at anything (Yes, you are)

In this blog post, we give you recommendations on how to stop thinking of yourself as a failure.

“I am not good at anything”

Have you ever felt that way?

Have you thought that you would like to do something else, start a business, change your job or just make your life look different, but you feel that you are not good enough? 

What could be the reason we feel this way?

Moreover, what can we do to get out of this thinking pattern?

The problem is less serious than it seems. If you’ve ever felt like, “I’m not good enough.

I can’t handle it. I’m not good at anything “, congratulations, you are a human.

Studies show that 7 out of 10 people suffer, or have suffered at some point, from the Impostor Syndrome.

The Impostor syndrome

This is the scientific name of the event and it translates into the insecurity you feel when it comes to the profession you have or want.

Don’t worry, some of the most successful people in history have sometimes felt like “impostors.”

Seth Godin wrote in “The Icarus Deception” that even after 20 bestsellers he still feels like an impostor all the time. Actress Michelle Pfeiffer had a similar statement: “I still think people will find that I’m not very talented. I’m not really very good. It’s all a big prank.“

The Impostor Syndrome is based on a deep sense of lack of self-confidence, self-worth and low self-esteem.

When we talk about self-esteem, we refer to the general positive and negative evaluations of one’s self.

Basically our opinion about ourselves.

It is important to remember that it is not something nailed down and can vary depending on the situations we are in, depending on age and events.

Good self-esteem, that is, if you have a good opinion of yourself and something negative happens, even if you feel bad at the moment, it will not change your general opinion about yourself.

The same is true and vice versa. If you feel that you are not good at anything, it will be difficult for you to enjoy success, you will feel like an impostor.

But what could be the causes of low self-esteem?

• Your family

Often, the belief that you are not good enough comes from the family.

Since childhood, you have probably heard that X got better grades than you, that Y is better and that Z is a chess champion.

And you – what achievements do you have?

Maybe you had the misfortune of not having a united, loving family, and that may make you think that you were not good enough for a blessing.

But your past and your family doesn’t have to decide the course of your whole life.

• Your colleagues/the environment

Here we talk about bullying. Exclusion from the community, from the social circle, can cause a feeling of inferiority.

In addition, those who do these things have their own frustrations and the opinion that they are not good enough, and this is their way of expressing their feelings of inferiority.

You can take a look to ”How do you deal with medical school rejection?”

•  Unpleasant experiences

Rejection from friends or failed relationships can lead to low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.

We want to be accepted and loved, and when that doesn’t happen, moreover, it repeats itself, it makes us feel worthless.

• Society standards reflected in the media

You are not good enough because you are not skinny enough, tall enough or rich enough.

If we followed the media, we would have no chance at a happy life. But is that really the case?

Think about the experiences in your life. Do you find yourself in any of the above situations? Maybe in several, maybe in all.

Maybe you have other experiences that have marked you. It’s OK, it’s good you identified them.

Now you know what the source is that you think you’re not good enough for.

 The good news is that self-esteem is a state of mind. And it can be changed. It’s not the reality itself.

Once you understand this, you can take action to improve your image of yourself. 

Self-confidence inspires others to believe in us, to want our company, but still, it starts with us, from us.

Self-confidence is determined by what we know or what we think we are good at and the value we can offer. But do we know?

Do we know who we are and what our gifts are? Do we know how valuable we are?

We expect others to trust us, to help us in our shortcomings, but don’t we forget that a magic key is in our heart?

I think we don’t know what self-confidence is when we don’t know who we are. I think self-confidence means accepting our shortcomings and even with them still being dear to us.

Then gently do everything in our power to increase our self-esteem and live with love for ourselves and life every day of our lives.

What can you do about it?

What can we do to increase our self-esteem, to increase our self-confidence and stop feeling like we are not good at anything?

• We can start by positioning ourselves as an observer. To gently observe the “insufficient” voice that tells us how we are not and how we could be and to understand that it is just a  voice, just thoughts. As there are clouds in the sky, they represent the clouds, not the sky in all its splendour. We are heaven, we are more than that!

• Let’s ask ourselves who we are and start looking for the answer to this question! Let’s find out the gifts we brought into the world.

• Let’s make at least 21 days a list of gratitude for all the good things in our lives, starting with the fact that we are alive and healthy, that we live, then let’s not forget all the things we do with love and when we are confident. Our strengths. 

• Let’s look back from the outside to the inside. Let us no longer compare, judge, criticize based on the reality of others. Let’s not try to thank others. The best thing is to start the “job” where it is needed, in us, with us;

• Let’s repeat as often as possible, even in front of the mirror, the positive statements we need, with a smile on our face. At first, we may force ourselves, but then, believe me, it will be natural “I am enough! I’m beautiful! I’m already perfect! I’m in love!”. We can leave messages on the bathroom mirror, on the phone, we can send emails to ourselves.

• Let’s be good to ourselves when the others aren’t. Let’s not take anything personally. Let’s become our best friend when others try to devalue us. Let’s understand that people “give notes” based on their own value system that has nothing to do with ours. Our realities are different.

• When an “insufficient” thought comes to us about something we are not, we have to neutralize it with a “sufficient” thought in which you were happy with yourself in a similar situation;

• Let’s accept that it’s ok not to be perfect. Let’s do everything we can to be the best version of ourselves but to have patience and to accept the limits imposed by the moment. Allow yourself to make mistakes and turn them into growth ideas.

• Let’s give ourselves time. Let’s relax our minds. Let’s breathe. Let’s sleep. Only in a relaxed mind and an oxygenated brain will live harmoniously and have self-confidence. Let’s do things for our soul: spend time in nature, with animals, with children, do yoga, read, etc.…

• Let’s surround ourselves with people who will inspire us, lift us up. Let’s give up if it’s possible on toxic people who see only our weaknesses. 

• Let’s not stop learning new things. Let’s surprise ourselves with new hobbies, new projects, let’s get out of the comfort zone.

Conclusions

I hope this article paves the way for you to regain your self-confidence.

If you do not have problems with self-esteem, I hope it makes you appreciate yourself more.

In any case, I want to make your day better than it was yesterday.

I would be happy if you would give me a few moments of your time to give me feedback.

How did you like the article? 

 Thank you!

FAQ about I’m not good at anything

Recommendations

Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World, by Mark Williams  

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, by Mark Manson 

Positive Psychology: Learning positive thinking in everyday life & control your mind – Understanding & overcoming fears – Analyze people & recognize … book for beginners, by Max Krone  

Good Vibes, Good Life: How Self-Love Is the Key to Unlocking Your Greatness Kindle Edition, by Vex King  

References

American Psychological Association – Feel like a fraud?

Bravata, D.M., Watts, S.A., Keefer, A.L. et al. Prevalence, Predictors, and Treatment of Impostor Syndrome: a Systematic Review. J GEN INTERN MED 35, 1252–1275 (2020).

Elizabeth Ramsey & Deana Brown (2018) Feeling like a fraud: Helping students renegotiate their academic identities, College & Undergraduate Libraries, 25:1, 86-90,