How to write a letter to your boyfriend to talk about your depression

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This article will center around what are things you should put in a letter to your boyfriend when you want to try and explain to them how depression makes you feel. The article will discuss how writing a letter can be beneficial, and give a guide step by step on how to do it.

How to write a letter to your boyfriend to talk about your depression 

When you are depressed your feelings may be mixed up. You may not know how to express yourself, and maybe afraid others wouldn’t understand how you feel. If you feel it has been hard to start a conversation about your feelings with your boyfriend, writing a letter can be a great way for that. 

By doing so you may make it clear to him that it is hard to cope with depression alone, and he may understand a little better how he can support you through this. Aside from that, writing is a great way to externalize your feelings, and just by doing that you may reduce your stress level, and maybe feel a little better.

Another benefit of writing is that you don’t have to be facing the person. Some people may feel awkward and embarrassed to say such intimate things to others face to face. So writing takes that away and allows you to express exactly how you feel.

What to consider when you are writing? 

The first thing you need to do is understand that writing a letter to your boyfriend is a way to put all your ideas in one single space. So you may want to divide into topics what you want to say. 

Try to name the emotions that you have been experiencing. And how it has been affecting you. Here is a list of possible emotions people with depression usually experience, so you can take it as an example:

  • Sad
  • Irritated
  • Hopeless
  • Unable to relax
  • Empty
  • Tired
  • Worried

Once you identify how you feel, you can try to write a little about what usually triggers you to feel worse, and if you can, try to identify what are things that make you feel better. This will help them get a better notion of how they can support you through this. 

Aside from that, you may want to share how you have been handling your depression by yourself. Here you can tell them about what treatment you have been going through, and how you feel it has worked for you. 

And finally, you may want to share with your boyfriend what you see when you think about your future. In this part, you should honestly let them know if you are feeling hopeless about the future, or if you think there are positive things ahead.

What should each part of the letter contain?

Let’s discuss what each part of the letter should have.

Introduction 

In this first part, you can start how you would any other letter. You should let your boyfriend know why you are writing. Try to think of how you would start this conversation. Listen to your heart, and find the words. A couple of good suggestions for you to start with are:

  • “I know I have been acting differently, and I thought I should tell you why…”
  • “You know I have been struggling with depression for a while, but I need to tell you more about how I feel…”

The main part of the letter 

This is the most important part of the letter. In it, you will say how you have been feeling. Name as many emotions as you can, let them know what triggers you, and what makes you feel better.

You may let your boyfriend know, for example, if you have been having trouble eating properly, since depression can change your appetite, and you can feel without any motivation to cook. By highlighting those difficulties you are showing them ways they can help you.

Closing

As for the final part of the letter, you should try and ask yourself what is your main goal with this. If it is just informing how you feel, if you need help from your boyfriend, or if you feel like you just need them around you.

Letting your boyfriend know what you need makes it a lot easier for them to find ways to do so. So if you need them, for example, to go to therapy with you, it may be good to write in the letter how long you have been going to therapy, and why you feel them going with you would help you.

Now that you know what should be in your letter, here is an example so you can get an idea of what to put in your letter to your boyfriend to address your depression.

Example of a letter

Dear Boyfriend,

I know I may seem different lately. I have been depressed, and it makes me feel incredibly sad. It also makes me tired, and hopeless. So I thought of writing this letter to explain to you a little about how I feel. The letter makes it easier for me to express myself, than face to face.

I have been having a lot of trouble caring for myself since I have been depressed. I feel so alone, and without any energy that it has been hard to even eat. And the longer I stay like this the worse it gets.

I have been seeking professional help, but it is a process. So I hope little by little I can begin to feel like myself again. 

What I want is for you to try and help me with eating, if you could help me have a better schedule for it. It can also help if we can spend some more time together so I don’t feel so alone. 

Love,

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): How can I write a letter to my boyfriend to explain my feelings when I am depressed? 

How can I talk to my boyfriend about my depression?

The same way you could do in a letter, you may want to talk to them face to face. The first thing is to define what are your goals with this conversation. Do you want to tell them what you are going through for the first time, or do you want to open a line so you can talk about this more often?

Once you have decided what you want with this conversation, you can look up all the information you need to make your point. 

For example, if you want to discuss with them how hard it has been for you to do things as you could before, having at your disposal material about how depression alters your energy levels, motivation, and even interest in things can help you make it clear for them.

You may also want to make them a part of your treatment plan. Let them know what type of treatment you have been in, how it has been feeling for you, and if you want them to participate in it, this may be the moment. 

And keep in mind that talking about depression is not a one-time thing. This should be something that you both can talk about when it is needed.

How do I know if depression is ruining my relationship?

When you are going through depression there may be a lot that changes, the first thing is your sex drive. And since that can lead your partner to think there is something wrong with them, letting them know this is mostly related to depression can make it easier to deal with.

Depression can also make you more irritable, so your partner may start to say you are nagging a lot. So having in mind how depression causes that, and you trying to get some form of a handle on it, can prevent it from ruining the relationship. 

The condition also makes you isolate yourself. So try to think of ways to show you love them and be present. You can, for example, leave notes to them to say how you love them. 

It can also make you not want to go out, so in those cases, to prevent it from harming your relationship, try to find something you can do outside that seems positive to you.

And finally, depression makes you stop taking care of yourself. So you may want to take baby steps in caring for yourself. Try to set some small goals and go through them during the day.

How can I help my depressed girlfriend?

If your girlfriend is going through depression, there are some ways you can help them. The first thing is to always communicate. Keep an open line to talk about how you both feel, and how depression has been impacting your relationship.

Be caring, and show how you feel. Sometimes little gestures of care can speak louder than words. So offering to help them with something they have been struggling with is a great way to show how you feel. 

And even though it is common to overthink things, and try to think if you are responsible for it, take it easy on yourself. Respect how you feel, and also how they feel about all this. It is no one’s fault, the best you can do is go through it together.

And finally, you can remind your girlfriend of their value. They may be having a lot of negative thoughts about themselves, so knowing how you see them, can bring some relief and even some joy.

How do I know someone is pushing me away?

When someone is pushing you away, you will feel like they are not including you in what has been going on in your life. They may also not ask you what has been going on in your life, showing how little they care. They will not want to continue the conversation, and won’t check up on you.

What should I do if I am unhappy in my relationship?

If you feel unhappy in your relationship, the first thing you need to ask yourself is if you want to work on this relationship or not. Aside from that, you should know if you and your partner have ways of making this relationship better.

This will take communication, compromise, and will to be together. If that is not the case, you may want to start to consider ending the relationship.

Conclusion 

This article centered on how you can write a letter to your boyfriend as a way of explaining how you feel since you are depressed. It also showed what are the benefits of putting your feelings into writing, and gave a guide on how to do it.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://psychcentral.com/depression/letter-to-a-loved-one-when-depressed#gather-your-thoughts
https://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/06/a-letter-to-my-partner-about-my-depression/
https://madeinro95.medium.com/a-letter-from-a-depressed-girlfriend-to-her-strong-boyfriend-e859f075827c

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