How to stop yelling when frustrated? (Tips)

How to stop yelling when frustrated

In this guide, we will discuss “how to stop yelling when frustrated” and we will see some useful tips you can put into practice when refraining yourself from yelling, doesn’t matter if it is at your child/children or to your spouse/partner, it serves the same purpose under the same principles.

How to stop yelling when frustrated?

Here are some useful and quick tips on how to stop yelling when frustrated:

  • If you feel anger building up, stop, look around, and acknowledge what you are feeling. Try to sit down, breathe, and stay calm.
  • Be honest with the other person about feeling angry and why you are resorting to yelling. 
  • If you are feeling too overwhelmed and can’t seem to control your anger we advise asking for help, whether it might be someone you trust or a professional.
How to stop yelling when frustrated? (Tips)

When we feel angry we might resort to yelling as it seems the only option to get our message across or make the other person understand why we are frustrated.

However, you might feel how this behavior is negatively impacting your relationships with others and doesn’t seem to make you feel any better after.

The first step is acknowledging it is not the right way to diffuse how you are feeling, and certainly not the most effective way to communicate your frustration.

Practice stopping yourself when you notice you want to yell. When you feel and hear you are starting to raise your voice, pause for a minute.

Think how is the best way to say what you are trying to say.

This will prevent you from saying something you might regret later.

When is it OK to yell?

It is OK to yell out of excitement/happiness, when you are trying to cheer someone up or when you need to let someone know they might be in danger.

However, you may feel how yelling has resulted to be effective on occasion, but if you resort to yelling all the time it will stop having the effect you yearn for. 

Here we will see some tips and advice on how to stop yelling when we feel angry or frustrated.

Breathe, breathe, and keep breathing!

When we are feeling angry towards someone or a situation, we may feel how our body starts to get activated and filled with anger.

Pause, look around and take a deep breath, this will promote relaxation and ease the physical reaction to what is happening.

The key here is to breathe slowly through your nose for a few seconds (i.e. 3 seconds), hold it, and then release it from your mouth for a few more seconds (i.e. 3 seconds).

Keep breathing until you feel more relaxed and the tension fading.

Counting while you breathe might also help to take your mind off the situation and allows you to focus on something else rather than feeding your anger.

You can choose to count out loud (i.e. count from 1 to 10 or 10 to 1) or to yourself, allowing you to gain control over your emotions.

How to stop yelling when frustrated? (Tips)

Go for a walk

You can take a few minutes to yourself by going for a walk, the idea here is not to run away from the situation but let the other person know how you are feeling and why you need a few minutes to calm yourself.

Reassure you will be back to have a proper conversation.

You can say something like “I need a minute to think and calm down but we will resume this discussion shortly.”

If you have said something hurtful make sure you apologize when you come back.

You can take a walk at a fast pace and try to focus on the movement, your legs, and your heart pumping.

While you are doing this keep taking deep breaths.

Your body won’t remain activated forever, so when you are feeling better, you are ready to go back.

Think before you speak

When we are full of rage or anger, we tend to say whatever comes to mind without thinking about the consequences.

According to  Trudi Griffin from Wikihow, “If you have a tendency to shout when you’re mad, you are likely an ‘emotional communicator.’

This means that you may tend to speak or act based on feelings and instincts, rather than reasoning things out.”

Listen to the words in your head but analyze them before you even think about verbalizing them.

Think about how those hurtful words are not ‘you’ but anger speaking for you and think of ways to restructure them so you can actually get your message across without hurting others.

How to stop yelling when frustrated? (Tips)

Notice what triggers you

At this point, you may be pretty familiar with what triggers you or makes you angry.

However, we might not be mindful or make any efforts to address the situation letting frustration and anger take control.

Whether it is your child who is not listening to you (for the third or fourth time) or your partner who is being repetitive over something you have already discussed, it is important to notice how you feel when these things happen and learn how to address them differently. 

There are many ways you can go around making your child listen to you without resorting to yelling and if your partner is giving you a hard time because they seem too pushy/repetitive over something, take a deep breath and tell them in a calm tone of voice “I understand this is something we need to discuss further but right now I am feeling angry and I know it is not the best way to approach the situation, give me a minute to calm down and think.”

Are you angry all the time?

Let’s consider the following, your partner or your kids/child (especially toddlers) may think you are always mad and they can’t even talk to you since you tend to be in a bad mood all the time.

Think about this, yelling may not even be just situational but a generalized behavior.

Think if there are things in your life that are making you feel angry and frustrated or if you have an unresolved issue and this is why you resort to yelling under any circumstance. 

Yes, we understand how there are things in your life that can make you feel stressed, so think if you are in need of developing coping skills to manage your stress and frustration.

In addition, you may feel like you would like to express how you feel without exploding every time.

If you feel this is the case make sure you let the people around you know what is happening because they might want to stay away from you or avoid coming in contact with you, ruining your relationships in the long term.

How to stop yelling when frustrated? (Tips)

In addition, if you feel you are not able to cope on your own or friends and family keep trying to help you, it is time to consider getting professional help.  

Why is this blog about how to stop yelling when frustrated is important?

As discussed in how to stop yelling when frustrated, we need to consider that it is not OK to yell and shouldn’t be considered normal behavior.

In addition, if you want to refrain from yelling, make sure you are aware of the moment and how you are feeling so you can pause, stop, and think for a minute what to do next.

Going for a walk or taking a break can be very useful if you would like to avoid engaging in yelling and have some time for yourself, to calm down and put things into perspective.

Remember, when we yell to others, we might say hurtful things and it can be very detrimental to our relationships with them, especially kids where you are unconsciously teaching them it is a normal behavior and giving them greenlight to do the same.

Please feel free to leave any comments or thoughts about the content of this article!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about how to stop yelling when frustrated

How do I stop yelling when angry?

If you want to stop yelling when angry the first thing you need to do is breathe deeply when you start feeling angry.

Avoid taking any actions or making decisions when you are angry since you may regret it later.

Being aware of your physical reaction and stopping yourself after you feel anger building up can be challenging but it is not impossible, it requires practice.

Be patient and don’t be too hard on yourself.

How do I stop shouting?

If you want to stop shouting, take a minute, and breathe deeply.

Try closing your eyes and if you need to turn around or remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes until you calm down so you can go back and solve the situation with a different perspective. 

Why do I yell when I get angry?

If you yell when you get angry it is important to understand you may be yelling as a reaction when you feel you have lost control over the situation or that you may be lacking coping skills when facing difficult situations.

Also, consider how previous experiences may have affected the way you interact with others or how you react to certain situations.

If you feel situations get out of control and you feel too overwhelmed, consider looking for professional advice. 

Is yelling when angry normal?

Yelling when we are angry should not be considered as normal, it means we need to work in managing our emotional response when we face a difficult situation.

When we are angry and we yell at someone it causes a physical reaction that triggers fear and making someone fear us won’t actually be considered an effective way of getting our message across or making them understand us better.

What does yelling do to a person?

Yelling can have a negative impact on a person.

When we yell to someone, we may be needing to gain control over the other person or ineffectively make them understand or see our point of view when the situation feels out of our control.

In addition, it can be considered a form of intimidation and abuse where the person can develop low self-esteem, self-image, and even anxiety and/or depression.

Recommended reading

  • #WhyAmIYelling? Because…Relationships!: The 5 essentials you need to successfully maintain ALL of the relationships in your life (without yelling)
  • 10 Mindful Minutes: Giving our children – and ourselves – the skills to reduce stress and anxiety for healthier, happier lives
  • Stop Anxiety from Stopping You: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Panic and Social Anxiety
  • The Power of Now
  • The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger

References 

Griffin, T. (2019, Dec.) How to Stop Yelling when Angry. Retrieved from Wikihow.com.

Markham, L. (2013, Jun.) 10 Ways to Support Yourself to Stop Yelling. Retrieved from Psychologytoday.com. 

Daniela Paez

Daniela Paez is a Clinical Psychologist with an MSc. In Clinical Neuropsychology from Bangor University. She has vast experience in working with children with disabilities, adolescents and their families, in extreme conditions of poverty and vulnerability. Additionally, she owns a private practice where she provides neuropsychological evaluation for children and adults, and treatment for mood disorders, anxiety, couple therapy, among other conditions.