In this guide, we will discuss “How to stop yelling when angry” and some useful tips if you have decided to change your behavior when communicating with others around you.
How to stop yelling when angry
If you are wondering “how to stop yelling when angry?” it means you may have found yourself yelling either at your partner, a relative, a friend, and/or your child (if you are a parent) and feeling guilty about it later.
When we are angry, most of us just tend to burst in rage, start yelling and saying things to the people we love we later think about as things we wouldn’t have said if we were calm.
The first step to stop yelling when angry is acknowledging and recognizing it is not the most effective way to get out messages across.
Having the willingness to change and work towards it would get us closer to our goal.
In some cases, yelling when angry can be associated with our infancy or when we were children.
If you had a yelling parent (or both) that could easily lose their temper and showed a lack of emotional control you could have learned their ways of dealing with emotional distress, even though not the most appropriate way.
Moreover, you may have learned this was the only way of communicating if your partner was yelling most of the time or when arguing.
It could be also that yelling at your kids or anyone else the first time, was rewarded by the fact that they did what they were being told (or you needed them to) so this behavior was reinforced by the way they responded.
Children ask Why does my dad yell at me when i cry? because, though that yelling might produce a positive result, the impact it leaves on the child is negative.
Step 1: track your yelling habits/triggers
You may feel like you yell all the time it doesn’t matter who or why, however, if you monitor your behavior closely you will notice a pattern.
This will help you anticipate those key moments that seem to make you lose control and start yelling.
It can be very useful to jot down as much as you remember about the event answering questions such as:
- Who was present?
- How did you feel at that moment?
- What were your thoughts?
- Where did it happen?
After jotting down the details and characteristics of the situation, think about what you needed at that moment (i.e. Being heard, respected, acknowledged, expected someone to do something, etc.).
Step 2: look for a pattern
After recognizing your triggers, the specifics of the situations where yelling is present, try to identify a pattern.
For instance, does yelling happen at a certain time of the day?
For instance, when getting your kids ready for school in the morning or during the evening out of frustration because your partner doesn’t seem to understand you need some time for yourself.
Investing some time on it can even trigger some memories where you were yelled at as a kid and it is your way to cope and communicate with others because that is how you learned was the most effective way to get your message across to your kids or your partner.
Step 3: physiological imbalances
Identify if you seem to be more irritable when you are hungry since an empty stomach can make anyone irritable angry and prevent them from thinking clearly.
Moreover, make sure you don’t have a problem with your blood sugar or a nutritional imbalance which can affect your ability to cope with stressful situations.
For instance, a protein deficiency could be responsible for some behaviors and you were attributing this to something else.
In addition, make sure you are eating at least 3 healthy and nutritious meals a day, getting enough sleep, and taking some time to do leisure activities or activities you know are very relaxing and enjoyable.
Step 4: Stop and breathe
If you are conscious now of your yelling pattern then when you notice yourself yelling stop and breathe.
Think to yourself how is the best way you could say what you are meant to say or what is really the message you would like to get across.
This will prevent damaging your relationships with those around you.
Breathing is a very useful tool that most people underestimate, why?
Because we think we are breathing without even thinking about it so why should we invest in breathing if it is an involuntary activity?
You may be partly right but, what most people don’t do is pause and feel how their normal breathing pattern has been altered preparing them to react by yelling or being aggressive.
There are plenty of breathing exercises online, find the one that makes you feel more comfortable and put it into practice next time you feel like yelling.
In addition, you could accompany your breathing exercises with relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation or mindfulness meditation.
Step 5: removing yourself from the situation
If you feel the situation is too overwhelming, you have tried to breathe, count to 30, and nothing is working then excuse yourself and if needed take a walk.
You can say something like “I am feeling very frustrated and angry right now and I don’t want to say or do something I will regret later if you excuse me I would like to take a few minutes to go for a walk to calm down.
We can resume this conversation when we are both feeling calm.”
When going for your walk, you can even feel how your heart is racing, you are breathing faster and some other physical symptoms you may recognize at that specific moment.
Focus on your legs and your physical symptoms. In addition, try to focus on 3 or 4 things around you.
For instance, if you are going around the block focus on the trees, the buildings, the sky, or the cars passing by.
Step 6: Express how you feel
When going back after feeling relaxed and calmly make sure you start by apologizing if you need to and express how you feel using “I” statements.
For example, you could say something like “I feel unimportant when you do x without even consulting with me”.
In addition, make sure you avoid using an accusative tone when using the “you” statements.
This will only place the blame on the other person and will keep adding fuel to the fire.
For instance, avoid saying “You don’t even care about me, you always do whatever you want and how you want it”.
Note: If you feel it is too overwhelming, you have tried everything and you can’t seem to modify this yelling pattern having a huge impact in your relationships with others, we recommend seeking professional help from a therapist or a counselor.
Why is this blog about How to stop yelling when angry important?
This blog about How to stop yelling when angry is extremely useful because we have all yelled at someone at some point in our lives and for some people even most of their time.
We may feel there needs to be a positive change since we feel how our relationships are being affected by it.
If you have consciously decided to stop yelling, congratulations because even though it is not easy, it is also not impossible.
As we mentioned, understanding and identifying what are those specific triggers can help you anticipate and incorporate new behaviors such as stopping mid-sentence and thinking about what you are trying to say but in a totally different (and effective) way of knowing when it is necessary to remove ourselves from the situation or even learning how to breathe properly when we feel we are getting angry.
If you start applying these tips and you are constant, you will notice a positive change.
Please feel free to leave any comments or thoughts about the content of this article!
Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about How to stop yelling when angry
How do I stop shouting when angry?
If you want to stop shouting when angry, start by being aware you are shouting and make a conscious decision to stop.
Breathe deeply and close your eyes if you need to.
It also helps to take time out to calm down but make sure to let the other person involved resume the conversation after you are feeling relaxed and ready to talk.
Why do I yell when I get angry?
If you yell when you are angry it could be out of frustration, helplessness, being hurt, or intimidated by someone.
If you yell when you are angry this may indicate that you could have an issue managing your emotions and/or a lack of communication skills.
It could also mean you have learned this way of communicating your concerns, frustration, etc. because the dynamic in your family when you were a child was just about the same or this was a constant in your previous relationships and that is how you managed to make your partner listen to you or do something.
How do I stop screaming at my mom?
If you want to stop screaming at your mom make sure you identify what things about her or what she does triggers you, take a deep breath, and tell your mom you are starting to feel angry and you need a time out (maybe you both need).
After you are feeling better and calmer, resume the conversation.
Make sure to apologize if needed and have an honest conversation with your mom about why you had to start screaming in the first place.
Think about the message and what you really wanted to say to her in an assertive way.
Is yelling disrespectful?
Yelling can be considered disrespectful and no one enjoys being yelled at.
It doesn’t really matter if the other person did something wrong since we are the ones displaying poor emotional management.
Moreover, think about how disrespectful you can be (or someone can be) when yelling and using name-calling, belittling someone, or even swearing at them.
How do I stop shouting?
If you want to stop shouting you need to make a conscious decision to stop when you have started or just stop yourself mid-sentence.
Take some time to breathe and go for a walk if you must.
If this is something that happens very frequently, identify your triggers, and work on your emotions and how you are managing them.
What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues
- If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.
If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.
Griffin, T. (2019, Dec.) How to Stop Yelling when Angry. Retrieved from Wikihow.com.