In this guide, we will discuss “how to stop someone from yelling at you”, some tips and understand why they may be resorting to yelling as a lack of communication skills.
How to stop someone from yelling at you
Here are some tips on How to stop someone from yelling at you:
- Avoid engaging and feeding their anger.
- Take a step back and adopt a different perspective on the situation.
- Avoid agreeing with the yeller just to make them stop yelling
- Breathe and adopt a calm attitude to address the yelling
- Ask for a time out to think and calm down
Yelling might seem inevitable for some people, but we have to be aware that yelling is not a healthy way to communicate when establishing relationships or if we have already established one.
By relationships, we mean in every context such as in love, family, friendships or work-related.
According to Dr. Magdalena Battles from Life hack, “Yelling is damaging to relationships.
It is not a constructive way to deal with a difficult situation, yet every person engages in yelling. Some more than others.
You should be aware of your own yelling, understand why some people are constant yellers, and also know how to deal with a yeller.”
In addition, when there is constant yelling it can be associated with bullying.
Bullies use yelling to intimidate, manipulate, control, belittle, abuse, etc. other people.
This is their favorite form of communication since it has been a behavior that has worked for them in the past even though it is not the most appropriate or effective.
Are there any valid reasons for yelling?
When someone is angry, they may argue yelling is the only way they can be heard.
However, there are no valid reasons for yelling, but it is important to understand what are the reasons for yelling but more importantly, is to remember not being reactive when this happens.
When someone is angry, a common reaction is to start yelling but it is important to consider even though you feel you may deserve or you may have done something for the other person to start yelling at you, it is simply not the way and definitely not your fault.
No one deserves to be yelled at, no matter what you think you have done.
Moreover, yelling is really a reflection of their emotional instability even if they try to camouflage it by showing their strength, dominance, and control over others.
If we analyse this behavior in-depth, we can actually see how many people that yell, do it under situations they don’t really have the coping mechanisms to deal with them in a much more effective way.
Another reason can be associated with losing control over the situation.
People tend to be overwhelmed by what they are feeling and thinking and when emotions are too overwhelming we tend to lose control.
Also, yelling is a way of letting someone know we feel disrespected or how our opinions are so different there is no way they could get into an agreement.
5 Things to Do When Someone Is yelling At You
When someone is yelling we feel uncomfortable, unsafe, insecure, frightened, among others.
The situation can turn easily into a confrontation if we react the same way they do, so we actually have the power to turn around the situation or make it worse.
It is easy to lose our temper and react defensively when someone is yelling at us, and not only because they are yelling but the emotional content of the words they are using or simply their body language.
However, nothing good can happen when we are aggressive or defensive.
- Assessing the situation and the context
On many occasions, we will have strangers yelling at us, for instance, when an angry driver wants to cut off in traffic because they consider we are too slow or because we are taking too long to order food at a restaurant.
In those cases, we don’t actually know the person so it is easy to go into defensive mode and yell back at them.
What we have to remember is to stay calm, it is not our fault and most importantly, they may have been having a difficult day, so we are not really the “source” of their anger.
Now, if we think about someone we love like our partner.
Let’s imagine you were having a really nice dinner and suddenly the waiter brings the wrong order.
Your partner gets angry and starts screaming at you, arguing you always pick the worst places where these things tend to happen.
How would you react then?
- Feeling safe
When someone is angry and starts yelling at you, it does not give you the feeling of being safe or secure.
On the contrary, it makes you feel afraid and it activates your “flight or fight” response. This is an automatic response if we feel threatened or unsafe.
Nevertheless, if you feel the conversation is going in a different direction, meaning your life is threatened or it gets violent you need to remove yourself from the situation.
In the example, we gave you could feel embarrassed, anxious and angry at your partner.
However, breathing and keeping a calm attitude will help you go back to you feeling safe.
- Empathy and validation
Having empathy and validating thoughts and feelings from others is one of the hardest things to do.
We tend to think about how others make us feel, and we like to make sure they know it, even though we do not use words to let them know.
In many cases, we could cry, slam doors, throw things or simply give them a silent treatment.
However, the best way to react at that moment is to use empathy and validate their feelings and thought, since what they are desperately and erroneously trying to do is to be heard.
In our example, you could start by saying “I understand you are angry because the waiter brought the wrong order and I know it is frustrating”.
- Whose fault is it really?
The worst thing you can do when someone is yelling at you and there is an argument is blaming them.
The idea is not to point fingers but to find a solution to the argument, also because it adds more fire to it since it keeps the cycle by not engaging and feeding the anger.
This is why it can be helpful we start the conversation with statements in the form of “I…”, instead of “You…”.
This helps you speak from your perspective without blaming, judging or accusing them.
In addition, try to adopt a different perspective not taking things personal.
Keep things respectful even if the other person may not, you are modelling the correct type of behavior.
In our example, blaming your boyfriend for reacting the way he did won’t solve the problem or feeding into his anger by blaming the waiter.
- Know when you should walk away
On some occasions we might feel the conversation is pointless, no matter what you say or try to do the result is still the same.
People moved by anger or rage can say really hurtful things and may even get violent at some point, you need to read the context and know when it is necessary to walk away.
In our example, if your boyfriend starts screaming at you in the middle of the dinner at the restaurant and you don’t see any signs of him calming down, then you could simply excuse yourself and leave.
You can resume the conversation once he is calm by saying something like “I know this is upsetting, but we can’t have a conversation if you are yelling at me, this is making me feel very uncomfortable, so I think we should resume this later”.
Why is this blog about how to stop someone from yelling at you important?
As discussed in this blog about “How to stop someone from yelling at you”, reacting to this type of situation is not easy and stopping it is even harder especially when there are so many emotions going on from the implied parties.
However, this can be a scary or frightening situation where you may feel unsafe.
Remember to adopt a different perspective, not engaging or taking things personally.
Try learning some breathing exercises, keep a calm attitude and know when to walk away.
Please feel free to comment in the comments section!
Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about how to stop someone from yelling at you
Is yelling at someone disrespectful?
Yelling at someone is considered disrespectful under any circumstance.
This type of behavior can come with harsh or abusive language which subsequently, is intended to disrespect the person that is being yelled at.
Why do I cry when someone yells at me?
Crying is a normal response when we are scared, frightened, sad, overwhelmed, frustrated or angry.
Being yelled at can make you feel one or all at the same time, and in many cases, if it is someone that you love or you care about then crying is considered as a normal and expected response.
Why do people yell?
People yell for many reasons, in some cases, we can yell if we are in pain, we need help, we are frightened, we are frustrated, we have the need to be heard or control other people.
However, unless yelling is used as a precaution sign or to ask for help then, under no other circumstance yelling at someone should be tolerated.
Is yelling rude?
Yelling can be considered rude and it can actually annoy or disturb people around you.
If you yell at someone, it can be considered a form of intimidation or even bullying.
When we yell at someone for other reasons than alerting someone from imminent danger or asking for help, then it is not an effective way of communicating with others.
Is raising your voice disrespectful?
Raising your voice can be considered disrespectful since it is usually a form of showing other people we are frustrated or angry.
In addition, when we raise our voice it is usually to be heard and in many cases raising our voice turns into yelling, calling names, using abusive language, etc.
- Communication in Relationship for Couple & Marriage: The Ultimate Guide to a Healthier Relationship Guaranteed to Improve Communication for Couple during Marriage
- How to Talk to Anyone: Learn How to Improve Communication Skills and Talk to Women, Men, in Public, at Work at Anytime and Anywhere with Confidence, Increase Your Self-Esteem, Manage Shyness
- 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work–Anywhere!: Including the “12-Day Communication Challenge!”
- The Ex-Yeller Formula: How to stop yelling at your kids, even if you think you’ve tried everything
- Communication Skills: A Practical Guide to Improving Your Social Intelligence, Presentation, Persuasion and Public Speaking: Volume 9 (Positive Psychology Coaching Series Book)
Battles, M. “The best way to react when someone is shouting at you in anger”. Retrieved from Lifehack.org.
Carroll, J. (2015, Nov.) “10 Things To Do When Someone Is Yelling At You”. Retrieved from Thriveglobal.com.