How to manage when your wife’s anxiety is killing you?

This post answers: How to manage when your wife’s anxiety is killing you? Can a therapist help if your wife’s anxiety is killing you? Why do you need mood management if your partner has the problem? Can your partner’s anxiety make you fall out of love? What is Anxiety? What are the signs and symptoms of anxiety? What are the causes of anxiety? What are some ways to manage anxiety? What are the therapy options for anxiety?

How to manage when your wife’s anxiety is killing you?

The journey to management starts with acceptance of the problem. Recognize that it is your partner who is having a mental health problem, and therefore they need unconditional love and support.

Sometimes we get annoyed when our partners get anxious about something we don’t consider significant. Still, we need to understand that there is a problem with their thinking patterns, and so it will help you in becoming more empathetic than aggressive towards them.

Try to have open and honest communication with your partner so they can tell you the way they feel and think. Make sure you don’t use aggression or offense as a tool for fixing their emotional conditions, as it will only worsen or add to their anxiety instead of decreasing it and will kill your relationship in the long term if you keep doing it.

Understanding mental health problems can help you better understand what your partner is going through, and that will increase the level of empathy that you have towards them and will make it easier for you to have positive feelings with your partner.

Can a therapist help if your wife’s anxiety is killing you?

Considering support from a therapist can help you in dealing with an anxious partner. Just because your partner is the one with anxiety issues doesn’t mean that therapy is not helpful for you. Getting couple-therapy sessions or individual therapy for better dealing with mental health concerns that arise due to the anxiety of the partner can help you in coping with the situation without the expense of your own mental health.

A therapist can teach you relaxation exercises that can help when you feel overwhelmed due to your partner’s anxiety. You can also learn some self-copying strategies from books and the internet to help you when you feel restless or anxious about your partner’s mental health condition.

Why do you need mood management if your partner has the problem?

Partners are connected to each other in all aspects of their life, and when it comes to the emotional aspect, it is one of the most associated and shared aspects in a marriage or relationship. As humans, we relate to our partners, and their emotional conditions also affect us.

Our environment impacts our mood, and that is why people around us have a significant role in regulating our emotions. Imagine in an office where everyone is sad. No matter how happy you intrinsically are, you won’t be able to experience a peak level of happiness when everyone around you is sad.

Similarly, your partner is the person who stays around you for the most part of the day and life, so their anxiety can be a cause of your anxiety. People with partners that have is it often report restlessness and distress because they have to reassure their partner again and again that there is not as big of a threat as they are perceiving.

Can your partner’s anxiety make you fall out of love?

Well, not initially, but maybe in the long run, if you don’t deal with your partner in a polite manner in their anxious state, you or they may fall out of love. Love must be guarded with care and attention, especially when your partner is having a hard time. Love doesn’t vanish in thin air simply because your partner has some issues, but it can if your way of dealing with your partner’s issues is not productive but is, on the other hand, aggressive. Mental problems can have a devastating effect on your relationship, but it entirely depends upon your reaction to it.

 What is Anxiety?

Problems and resulting stress are usually accompanied by some common emotions like confusion, feeling at the edge, a sense of helplessness, and recurrent negative thoughts which can collectively be seen as an individual experiencing what’s commonly called  Anxiety. 

Every human has their unique ways of dealing with these difficult situations and the following emotions, some try to adapt to the circumstances and find the best and most comfortable solution while others try to find an escape route for the same, in both cases the main aim is usually to get over the uncomfortable emotions of anxiety. 

What are the signs and symptoms of anxiety? 

Anxiety is characterized by a set of signs and symptoms such as 

  • Sweating
  • Difficulty in breathing
  • Shortness of breath
  • Sense of choking
  • Complaints of chest pain
  • Shaking or trembling
  • Nausea or vomiting
  • Dizziness or Lightheadedness
  • Fear of losing control over oneself and their environment
  • Fear of impending doom
  • Hot or cold flashes
  • Tingling or numbness
  • Increased heart rate

These symptoms vary in severity from person to person. However, it is noted that many people experience anxiety attacks that are not significantly displayed.

What are the causes of anxiety?

Anxiety often results from accumulated stress or overwhelming feelings. Some common causes of anxiety include.

  • Increased and challenging situations and demands in day-to-day life.
  • Major changes in family dynamics such as marriage, divorce, death of a loved one.
  • Strain interpersonal relationships
  • Intrapersonal conflicts
  • Ineffective coping mechanisms
  • Comorbid conditions both physical and mental
  • Chronic health conditions
  • Genetic factors
  • Changes in the brain region
  • Overdose of caffeine
  • Prolonged use of medications
  • Significant traumatic experiences in the past or recent times
  • Comorbid mental health conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder or any other phobias.

What are some ways to manage anxiety?

Identify and acknowledge the triggers

The most significant strategy that can be used to control one’s anxiety is by identifying and acknowledging those triggers.

Being able to recognize what makes an individual anxious makes them better equipped to take action.

Relaxation techniques


Even though anxiety can be bought under an individual’s control it cannot be predicted. In such situations, it is necessary that an individual actively carries out relaxation techniques.

These might include meditation, yoga, and deep breathing which helps to reduce the intensity of anxiety within a short period.



A key to reducing the frequency and intensity of anxiety attacks could be spending time with close family and friends.

The kind of emotional and practical support provided by these social and personal groups help the person feel connected and aid in distracting one’s mind from negative and recurring thoughts that lead to anxiety.

Apart from friends and families, individuals can also consider speaking to groups of people that are experiencing similar problems.

Set realistic goals

When an individual is feeling overwhelmed, setting goals and targets keeping in mind priorities can help resolve overwhelming feelings of fear or panic.

Setting goals provides structure and routine to an individual’s life reducing space for uncertainty which can be a major trigger for anxiety in many cases.

Take up new challenges

Apart from doing activities that an individual is usually fond of and has expertise in, trying new and challenging activities that put an individual outside their comfort zone in a healthy manner may help reduce the stress and anger temporarily.

Signing up for new activities also provides a path to meeting people with similar stories and concerns.

Lifestyle changes

An individual’s lifestyle plays a major role in their experience of anxiety. An unhealthy and busy lifestyle usually leads to unhealthy eating, lack of exercise, lack of adequate sleep.

A combination of a well-set diet, exercise, and sleep can help to regulate an individual’s mood and equip them with a favorable coping mechanism.

These coping mechanisms in turn help to get control over once anxiety concerns in a more adaptable manner.

lack of proper diet, sleep, and exercise can make an individual sluggish, dependent, moody and vulnerable to anxiety attacks.

Making journal entries

Last but not least having a journal to write down how a person is feeling and thinking when they are anxious helps them to reflect upon their thoughts and feelings.

Putting down one’s thoughts and feelings onto a paper helps to provide a sense of temporary relief.

In the case of journal entry, a person does not even have to fear being judged by another person regarding their thoughts and feelings.

What are the therapy options for anxiety?

Cognitive-behavioural therapy

Cognitive-behavioural therapy helps an individual to control their anxiety by using strategies like relaxation and breathing. It works on the principles of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.

Exposure therapy

Exposure therapy is a kind of therapy in which an individual is exposed to a particular stimulus that they usually fear or are anxious about in a graded order.

As and when the individual gets comfortable with the situation or stimulus introduced or exposed to them with each session, individuals get more comfortable with a real-life situation that might have otherwise been a source for triggering anxiety.

Group therapy


It is based on the principle that when an individual interacts with other people who are suffering from the same fears they might not feel left alone or isolated. Group therapy usually involves a group of individuals who are experiencing similar symptoms and problems.


Anxiety can also be treated with the help of medication prescribed by a health care professional.

Though medication alone cannot help in reducing persistent anxiety it can help in restoring a sense of control and bring temporary relief. 

Online therapy  

In cases where reaching out physically to a professional is impossible or discomforting an individual can opt to seek help through the online medium. 

In this, the therapy sessions are carried out one-to-one over a video or audio call. Some individuals also prefer interacting with the therapist through text as well due to various reasons. One of the most common is the fear of being judged by the therapist or some personal hesitation. 

Online therapy can help individuals to regulate some aspects of their anxiety that aids individuals in carrying out a stress-free life over time


Having a partner is having responsibility, and therefore, you need to accept them with their mental health problems. Although anxiety can affect personal relationships, the effect can be minimized if you deal with it in a productive manner.

Self-coping strategies can be learned through books and the internet to deal with the anxiety of your partner so that you can keep yourself safe from its impact. If you still think self-copying strategies are not working well for you, then you can consult a psychotherapist to provide you with professional advice and counseling.

Frequently asked questions: How to manage when your wife’s anxiety is killing you?

Can I get anxiety problems from my partner?

Mental health problems are not like viral diseases, so they don’t spread as biological problems do. However, some part of anxiety surely is a learned behavior, and you might induce it if you are very sensitive.

Can my partner control her anxiety?

Anxiety is distressing, so if the partner could control it, they already would have done that. Anxiety cannot be controlled by the anxious person, at least not instantly.

How can I help my anxious partner?

You can help anxious partners by providing unconditional positive regard and acceptance of their mental health problems.


How To Help Your Spouse Deal With Anxiety

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