How to find happiness (steps)

How to fnd happiness

In this brief guide, we will explain how to find happiness and identify by yourself what are the things that make you happy

How to find happiness?

“How to find happiness?” is a question we tend to ask ourselves very often but the answer can take many forms because everyone understands happiness in their own way and what makes me happy won’t necessarily make you happy. 

According to Psychology Today, “Happiness and emotional fulfillment are within your grasp.” But what does this really mean? Where do I start looking? The answer is really within yourself. You are the one that has the ability to feel happy in a complicated or simple way. For instance, I am happy when I feel the sun in my skin and the breeze in my face. 

How to find happiness (steps)

These and similar little things make me happy, but for you, it can be traveling or having a better job. The truth is we all want to be happy )but don’t really know how), because who likes being sad or depressed? Let’s see a few things we can do to start looking for things that make us happy so we can find our happiness.  

Surround yourself with people who can make you smile

Surround yourself with positive people, with those who have the ability to put a smile on your face or making you laugh with their ideas or occurrences. Some researchers have found that we are the happiest when we surround ourselves with those who are also happy. 

Keep your values 

Everyone has their own perception of what is fair, what they believe in and what is good or bad. Hold on to your values and morals and honor them. Don’t lose yourself or let other people tell you how you should be. 

Accept you deserve the good things that happen

Sometimes happiness comes right into our doorstep and knocks at our door hoping to get in but we are so busy thinking we haven’t done anything to deserve being happy or those things that actually make us happy come as gifts wrapped in an imperfect way so we tend to reject them. 

Embrace the good, embrace the little things even if they don’t seem as what you were expecting at first, let them surprise you. 

Do what you love

Do things that fill your heart with joy, your favorite hobbies, give back or watch a good film. Whatever fills your heart up and makes you feel warm – then do it. It can be scary or frightening sometimes to do what you love because you are worried about what others may think or perhaps you have the mentality of “I can’t make a living from my hobbies or what I love”. It is actually not true, you can. 

How to find happiness (steps)

Imagine the best

Don’t be afraid of visualizing the things you really want and how you are going to get them. Many people avoid this process because they don’t want to be disappointed if things don’t work out. It is important to be realistic but sometimes we tend to think negatively about ourselves and how we are not good enough or rich enough or handsome enough to get what we want.

The truth is that imagining getting what you want is a big part of achieving it and flipping the switch from a negative to a positive perspective can motivate you to work harder to achieve it. 

How to find happiness according to researches

You have probably been reading about the subject for a while now and some of the tips or tricks seem like they don’t have much sense for you or you start implementing them but they stop working after a while and you get disappointed for even trying in the first place.

Well, science have something to tell us how to find our happiness. For instance, Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor at the University of California at Riverside who is considered an expert on happiness and she shares the following statement:

“Psychologists often have to confirm the obvious, or what your grandma might tell you. It happens to be the case that in most of what I study, the folk wisdom is correct. People who are randomly assigned to be grateful once a week for six weeks, they actually do become happier and their relationships are improved. People who do acts of kindness get various benefits.” (bakadesuyo.com)

How to find happiness (steps)

So we are usually told to give back something to the world or be involved in charity or volunteering and the people who have recommended it where right. It is an actual path to find happiness.

She also adds that you need to find a strategy that works for you, picking that one thing that feels natural to you, that you would like to try and you think it can bring joy to your life.  For example:

“Everyone can choose something like that. For someone else, it might be starting an exercise program. For another person, it might be trying to improve a friendship you’ve kind of let go; you haven’t really called that person in a while. Choose one goal and then just take small steps towards it.” (bakadesuyo.com)

A personal anecdote, try it!

The third secret to find happiness according to science is thinking about your best possible version of yourself. This helps not only to clarify goals but it can also make you feel happier just by thinking about it. For instance, try imagining your in 5 or 10 years and that you have accomplished all the goals you have set yourself. You are your best self living the life you have always wanted. Now think about this in different contexts. 

If it is easier for you to write them down. You know how at the beginning of the year most people set their annual goals, well, I tried it once and the result was amazing. I did it very reluctantly because I didn’t actually believe something was going to happen just by writing them down.

I ended up writing 5 major goals to achieve at the end of the year so I took the piece of paper, folded it and put it inside a secret compartment in my wallet. Time passed and I forgot about that little piece of paper. However, at the end of the year, I remembered I promised myself to look at what I have written and compared to my actual situation. 

It was simply amazing, while I was reviewing each of the goals I have set earlier that year I realized I had fulfilled all of them. I am not sure if my brain got reprogrammed into having them not only in paper but also written with invisible ink in the back of my mind which unconsciously made me pursue them without stressing or thinking too much about it. 

Now you know my secret, try it and let us know how it went. Perhaps you’ll be as surprised as I was. 

How to find happiness (steps)

Where does happiness come from exactly?

Take a moment to think and reflect on what happiness can come from. It can be in the form of someone that you love and loves you, eating your favorite food, or being in shape. However, most of those things are temporary and then we tend to feel empty again. 

This is when we realize having “things” or people are not the real sources of our happiness. Let’s discuss an example from Zenhabits.net:  

  1. We drink a cup of good coffee (or read a good book, eat some delicious berries, have good sex, etc.).
  2. We notice the coffee, pay attention to it. If we don’t pay attention and are reading on the Internet as we drink the coffee, we don’t get the happiness from the coffee.
  3. We appreciate the goodness in the coffee that we noticed. It’s not just the noticing and paying attention — we have to accept it for what it is, and appreciate the good things about it.
  4. This goodness we’ve noticed causes us to be happy about life. We are now happy about the experience of living, about life itself, because this experience is filled with goodness — even if it’s just the goodness of a cup of coffee.

So what can we get from this? In summary, noticing and appreciating what we are doing, how we are feeling, our lives and ourselves then the happier we can become. 

Why is this blog about “How to find happiness” important?

We are all in that constant search for happiness so we ask ourselves “How to find happiness?” and all we hear is crickets chirping. However, the answer is right in front of us or within ourselves. Everyone has a different perception of happiness so try digging deep. 

Remember to pay attention to things that are happening around you, get to have a deep connection with the moment engaging your senses and just living the moment. This will help you find your true happiness. 

Please feel free to comment in the comments section below!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about How to find happiness

Recommended reading

  • The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living 
  • Happy: Finding joy in every day and letting go of perfect 
  • The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness
  • The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
  • The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living

References 

Psychologytoday.com

Bakadesuyo.com 

Zenhabits.net

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Daniela Paez is a Clinical Psychologist with an MSc. In Clinical Neuropsychology from Bangor University. She has vast experience in working with children with disabilities, adolescents and their families, in extreme conditions of poverty and vulnerability. Additionally, she owns a private practice where she provides neuropsychological evaluation for children and adults, and treatment for mood disorders, anxiety, couple therapy, among other conditions.