How To Deal With Someone Who Shouts At You (7 Ways)

This article will explore the reasons why some people resort to shouting when engaging in an argument with others and why this is not good especially for relationships. Also, the article will focus on how to deal with someone who shouts at you.

How To Deal With Someone Who Shouts At You

You can respond in the following ways to someone who shouts at you:

  • Do Not Yell Back
  • Listen
  • Don’t Stay Quiet 
  • Have A Talk With Them
  • Remind Them
  • Ask For A Break
  • Decide – Persist Or Step Away

Before we look at each of the ways of responding to someone who shouts at you, we will look at the reasons why someone shouts at others.

Why Do People Shout?

There are a number of reasons why people shout such as:

  • To Intimidate Others
  • To Cover Up Flaws
  • Feel Neglected
  • Anger Issues

Let’s look at each of these in detail!

To Intimate Others

One of the reasons why someone may resort to shouting at others may be because they want to intimidate them! This tactic is very helpful when you want to scare someone into doing something that you need or want. Shouting not only intimidates the other person but puts them under pressure to obey the commands of the one shouting; this is one reason why people shout.

Although shouting in itself may not cause physical harm to the other person, it can serve as verbally harmful and may affect the other person emotionally or mentally. It is also a sign that the person may experience an anger outburst and resort to physical violence. Hence, this behaviour can scare people into doing things they may not want to in normal circumstances.

To Cover Up Flaws

Ever heard of using distraction tactics to cover up your flaws. When someone knows they can get into trouble, they often resort to methods where they show they are actually innocent. What is even more interesting is that they show they are ‘angry’ because their innocence or hard work is being questioned.

Hence, one of the reasons why someone may be shouting at you is because they want to cover their tracks! They will make you feel guilty or confused so that you do not sense the wrong doings they committed!

Feel Neglected

Humans are extremely emotional creatures and may express this in a number of ways – even confusing ones! Sometimes when we feel neglected or left out we try not to show our feelings because we do not want to seem weak or too emotional. In doing so, we may take an extreme step where we appear more aggressive to hide any weakness we fear exposing of our own selves. 

Hence, shouting at someone may actually signal a cry of help to the other person! The person is shouting because they are deeply hurt or feel ignored or neglected and hence are trying to cover their true feelings but inside they need the comfort and love of the person they are shouting out. Confusing but that is how things are!

Anger Issues

Yes this is real and will cause a person to behave erratically in a normal situation. They will seem calm but all of a sudden burst into flames and begin shouting at others around them. Why? It is possible something you said reminded them of an incident they dislike or they had too much frustration stored up inside that even the smallest inconvenience caused it to come out.

Dealing with people who have anger issues can be dangerous. Not only do they need help but they can pose a serious threat to the safety of others. This problem they face does not go away on its own and it can actually become more dangerous. It will start out as signs of anger, verbal abuse and finally go on towards physical abuse. If you are dealing with someone that has anger issues get help immediately!

Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.

How To Deal With Someone Who Shouts At You

In this section, we will explain to the readers how they should respond to someone that is shouting at them!

Do Not Yell Back

Unless you want to make things worse, do not yell back at the person who is shouting at you. It will become a yelling match where both parties will continue to experience increasing anger that is boiling inside of them. Anger is a very dangerous emotion; so dangerous that you can even lose your mind and do unthinkable things. Hence, if faced with someone who is angry and taking it out on you, do not yell back and keep your cool.

To prevent yourself from responding back in an undesirable manner, you can consciously tell yourself not to. First take deep breaths to keep yourself calm. This will help you focus on something rather than that innate deep urge to respond back.

Listen

Usually, we end up in situations like this with our loved ones, family or friends and it can be difficult to actually listen to them because we also have many regrets when it comes to our relations with them. However, this is the time when they are actually opening up and saying what has remained in their heart for long. Thus, don’t let this opportunity go and try to listen to what they are actually trying to say. It can do wonders to your relation with them if you can figure out why they are actually shouting at you!

Don’t Stay Quiet

Ever noticed how staying quiet and calm can actually anger the other person even more? Well unless that is what you want to happen, don’t stay quiet! You need to show the other person that you are hearing what they have to say and understand or accept their claims if they hold it true or you want the situation to stay under control.

It is not advised to yell back but at least show, in some manner, that you are listening to them. 

Have A Talk With Them

Maybe not immediately but when they have calmed down try and talk to them. This will allow you to understand the real reason behind why they were shouting at you. 

Remind Them

If you have already had a heart to heart conversation on their shouting behavior and how it is not good for your relationship with them then remind them of that during the fight – not once but a few times. It will likely calm them down especially if they realize how this will adversely affect the relation you two have and probably hurt you as well.

Ask For A Break

Sometimes the other person takes you for granted and hence they will shout at you or hurt you in different manners when they feel like doing so – they won’t hold themselves back for the sake of it or the relationship. If you find this true then tell them you need a break. This will not only shock them and probably shut them up but they will also realize that you have boundaries and crossing them will result in consequences. 

Decide – Persist Or Step Away

Keeping in mind the above factors and others, if necessary, decide whether you should step away or keep trying with the person. So, for example, if you know the other person is engaging in this type of behaviour because they are hurt then it probably means you need to persist.

However, if the person is doing it out of habit and doesn’t really care about your feelings then step away. You need to distance yourself from the other person not just for your sake but for the other persons sake too. Some relations become toxic to the extent that even if you try to fix them they backfire and eventually affect your health. So whether it’s your friend, significant other or relative, know your boundaries and learn to step away at the right time if required. 

Conclusion

This article explained why a person shouts at others taking into account factors such as being hurt or neglected or having anger issues. Furthermore, the article focused on how to deal with a person who shouts at you while at the same time justifying these ways. It cited ways such as staying calm and listening, taking a break and trying to have a calm and productive discussion with the offender.

What we recommend for Relationship issues

Professional relationship counselling

If you are suffering from relationship issues then ongoing professional relationship counselling could be what you need. Relationship Counselling can be done individually or with one or more partners.

Relationship counselling helps you regain the amazing elements of your relationship and provides you with the techniques needed to avoid conflicts, misunderstandings and the most common issues most relationships struggle with.

References

https://www.everydayhealth.com/news/ways-anger-ruining-your-health/

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